Friday, December 29, 2023

One last day

 As I recollect there was a poster which said this about school days ..'there was one day we all went out to play together , not knowing that this would be our last day together' It was so true that somewhere I saw this unfolding everywhere. Especially when my father was down with leukemia, this quote hit me out of blue. 

He was an active guy and was very much into travelling around with his scooty. But there was one last day where he rode it to market, one last day where he bought fresh veggies, one last day where he sat on the drawing room sofa, one last day where he laid on his own bed...one l;ast day whjere he saw his own garden...

How many last days we pass without ever thinking it through. How many poignant moments we have trivialised in our lives and will continue to do so..

There will be one last day we will see our loved ones, one last day we will  eat our fav food one last day whjere we will walk and one last day where we will live...

The bigness of this hits you verymuch when you realise that maybe its a good thing we do not realise this othwerise we will be plunged into an unbearable sadness of living ..maybe its all for the good we never mark our last days ....

Sunday, November 19, 2023

The Monkeys who got whart they wanted

 Todya is not a very particular Landmark Day ..its just a day i felt like writing . As I cross the 40s and face a kind of confusing landscape..I look at our generation, my generatiuon with a different set of eyes . My generation , the half confused the half fearful generation who made all the mistakes trying to balance the great expectations. What struck me partticular was the state of marriage in that generation. Almost none of the men are even remotely happy and quite a few martriages are either broken or are trudgiong on. What exactly was the mating game and its success parameters of our generation? Esp Men..

We had moved out of our small towns and become reasonably successfull. We were supposedly more liberal and modern than our fathers. we were feminists , progressive and 'better'. We didnt want to put our partners thru whhat our fathers had put our mothers through. Since we could crack C++ we could crack life. Then we met a set of women who also had moved from small town and were well groomed and hot. In comparisions to the girls in our families these were the new progressive gakls who wore tights and knew the difference between lavender and purple. They were few and there was a rush for the goods at the top. We changed, modified, fought within ourselves to get these women . And these new women felt like a trophy. Especially when we could see that they were the perfect mix of tradition and modern we always looked for. Marriages happened with the man on the backfoot and these rare girls dicatting terms whoich didnt feel so bad. Aftyer all hadnt we won the trophies. We felt top of the world. My generations success stories all ended up with these noveu modern ultra chick and sniggered at the rest of us who had married 'normal'plain jane girls..

Yet as time went by these trophy wives turned into a liabilty. Some were sluts .some lazy and some lazy sluts. The fact that they earned at sometime or are earning now made all perks of marriage to men ..unavailable. Sex was absent, a warm meal was a dream. the children were left to nannies and most men unable to reconcile the betrayal turned to wine, smoke and fitness overdrive..

Its a sad reality that today they are ruing the same success that they were enamoured of. Todays generation esp men is wiser..having expieranced women in all their forms early. They dont let the miniskirt sway theor opinion. They have seen many unlike my generation...hopefully they wont make the same mistakes ..meri wali waisi nahin ,,kisi din ye tamasha muskuraa kar hum bhi dekhenge

Saturday, November 4, 2023

The beauty of a place

aMemory is a fascinating and complex cognitive process that plays a fundamental role in our daily lives. One intriguing aspect of memory is its strong connection with locations. The link between memory and locations, often referred to as "spatial memory," is an essential element of human cognition. In this essay, we will explore the various ways in which memory and locations are interconnected.

1. Environmental Cues and Memory Recall: One of the most direct linkages between memory and locations is the way our brain associates memories with specific places or environments. When we experience an event or learn something new in a particular location, our brain creates associations between the memory and the sensory cues from that location, such as visual, auditory, or olfactory cues. When we return to that location, the environmental cues can trigger the recall of the associated memory. This phenomenon is known as context-dependent memory and has practical applications, such as using the location of study to help recall information during exams.

2. Wayfinding and Spatial Memory: Spatial memory is crucial for navigation and wayfinding. It enables us to remember routes, landmarks, and locations, facilitating our ability to navigate through our environment. For instance, when you visit a new city and explore its streets, your brain forms a mental map of the area, incorporating landmarks and routes. This spatial memory helps you find your way around and even remember where specific shops or attractions are located.

3. The Method of Loci: The method of loci is a mnemonic technique that capitalizes on the strong link between memory and locations. It involves associating items or information with specific locations or landmarks in a familiar place, like your home. When you need to recall the information, you mentally revisit these locations, triggering the associated memories.

4. Emotional Associations: Locations can also be strongly linked to emotional memories. For example, a childhood home may evoke a sense of nostalgia and recall many emotional memories from that period of one's life. Similarly, places associated with significant life events, like a wedding venue or the spot where someone proposed, can trigger vivid emotional memories.

5. Alzheimer's Disease and Spatial Memory Decline: Conversely, the loss of spatial memory is a common symptom in individuals with Alzheimer's disease. Patients may struggle to recognize familiar places, become disoriented in their own homes, or lose the ability to navigate effectively. This decline in spatial memory highlights the profound impact that location has on memory and cognition.

6. Digital Technology and Spatial Memory: In the age of smartphones and navigation apps, the way we interact with locations has evolved. We now rely on digital tools for navigation, which can impact our spatial memory. People may remember fewer routes or landmarks since they rely on devices to navigate for them.

In conclusion, the linkages between memory and locations are multifaceted and integral to our daily lives. Our brains naturally associate memories with the locations where they were formed, and this connection influences our ability to recall information, navigate our surroundings, and even shape our emotional experiences. Understanding this relationship is not only fascinating from a cognitive perspective but also has practical implications for improving memory and optimizing the way we interact with our environment. The beauty of Mumbai was something I truly belived i. It was linked to a a series of memories..travels on locals, walks on the marine drive , small cafes of samovar and the lilting melodies of 'rim jhim giire sawan ..' almost echoing through the beacground slideshow. Mumbai meant a lot of things ..especially south mumbai . Visits to Jahangir, the kala ghoda and churchills are etched in a sort of 'good feel'. I felt home, warm ..happy. But as things went by the memories faded away to give in to memories of Delhi...the centrral and south delhi open vistas the walks into the bylanes of chandni chowk and all the food tasting etc in and out ...Delhi filled in the void of mumbai memories ..the triveni and the lota kind of expanded the idea of what could be ...gradually delhi filled in my heart and mind..the roads, the traffic , the metro..it was all I wanted to be happy...And then again I have moved on . In search of maybe a better place to place my meories 

Sunday, September 10, 2023

Dr Who


 At its core, the question "who" seeks to understand the essence of a person, an entity, or even a thing. It is a question that prompts us to reflect on what defines us as individuals, what distinguishes us from others, and what makes us unique. When someone asks, "Who are you?" they are inviting a profound exploration of one's identity, values, experiences, and beliefs.ho do I call out to? Who does actually has any stake in me. Having fought thru idiotic and really low level parents who most likely were good for nothing and are now eating off my earnings? Who do i blame except myself who could not see that I was only being the cash cow and delivering milk to my parents and family.  ..? Who really can I hold accountable for the shit of the life I am living despite having worked my ass off in a good position.. at forty five I M  a spent energy having fuelled this ungrateful family . Had i had my own maybe I would have had a better life maybe not. What's that blame going to work  .  I am not so angry at anything as I am angry at myself for having the capacity for such foolishness.  It just took me one tear of being with them to understand their true colors as an couple of really utter worthless lives who have lost lost and lost due to their attitude and laziness. ..fuck how much of a fool I was. 


The question "who" is among the most fundamental inquiries of human existence. It is a query that delves deep into the heart of identity and self-awareness, sparking contemplation on both an individual and societal level. In a mere three letters, "who" encapsulates a complex web of philosophical, psychological, and existential ponderings.


At its core, the question "who" seeks to understand the essence of a person, an entity, or even a thing. It is a question that prompts us to reflect on what defines us as individuals, what distinguishes us from others, and what makes us unique. When someone asks, "Who are you?" they are inviting a profound exploration of one's identity, values, experiences, and beliefs.


On an individual level, answering the question "who" requires introspection and self-discovery. It prompts us to examine our past, our present, and our aspirations for the future. It encourages us to consider our roles and relationships in society, our cultural and personal backgrounds, and the values that guide our decisions. In essence, it pushes us to construct a narrative of our own existence, a story that explains who we are and why we matter.


Beyond individual identity, the question "who" extends to society as a whole. It sparks inquiries into group identities, such as nationality, ethnicity, religion, and gender. These collective identities often shape our perspectives, values, and interactions with others. The interplay between individual and group identities can be complex, as individuals may identify with multiple groups, each influencing their sense of self in different ways.



Wednesday, September 6, 2023

The Beauty of Life: An Ode to its Loveliness

 Life, with its intricate tapestry of experiences, emotions, and moments, is a treasure that often eludes our full appreciation. It is a canvas where we paint our dreams, a symphony where we compose our stories, and a garden where we nurture our relationships. Life, in all its complexities and simplicities, is truly lovely.

First and foremost, life is a journey filled with endless possibilities. From the moment we take our first breath, we embark on a voyage into the unknown. This journey, with its twists and turns, challenges and triumphs, is what makes life so enchanting. Every day is a new chapter, a fresh page waiting to be written. It offers us the opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve into better versions of ourselves. It is in these moments of growth and self-discovery that we find the loveliness of life.

Moreover, life is a magnificent tapestry woven from the threads of countless experiences. Each experience, whether joyful or sorrowful, contributes to the rich fabric of our lives. The taste of a delicious meal, the warmth of a hug from a loved one, the thrill of a new adventure, or the comfort of a quiet evening by the fireplace—all these moments add color and depth to our existence. Even in times of adversity, we find the strength to persevere, and in doing so, we uncover the resilience that makes life all the more beautiful.

I frankly am on the verge of falling apart. At forty five I havent achieved much. ..only fucked myself for a family which is hardly worth it. I dont have an offspring...i look at my friend's and the lost life and times. Love is non existent even the people I have loved unconditionally It just feels like a visible failure with no one and nothing by my side. Sometimes I wish there was a way to vanish and die without pain. I have faced too much pain..no more will to live . Wish it would end someday soon

Additionally, life is a celebration of human connections. It is through our relationships with family, friends, and even strangers that we experience some of the most profound and heartwarming moments. The laughter shared with friends, the support of a loving family, and the camaraderie of a close-knit community all remind us of the loveliness of life. These connections give us a sense of belonging and purpose, enriching our lives in ways that cannot be measured.

Furthermore, life offers us the gift of creativity and self-expression. Whether it is through art, music, writing, or any other form of expression, we have the opportunity to create and share our innermost thoughts and emotions with the world. The act of creation is not only fulfilling but also a testament to the limitless possibilities of the human spirit. It reminds us that life's loveliness can be found in our ability to shape the world around us.

In conclusion, life is a precious gift, a journey of self-discovery, a tapestry of experiences, a celebration of relationships, and a canvas for creativity. Its loveliness lies in the very fact that it is fleeting, in its impermanence and unpredictability. Each day is an opportunity to cherish the beauty of life, to savor its moments, and to embrace its wonders. As we navigate the highs and lows, let us remember that life's loveliness is a reflection of our ability to find joy, meaning, and purpose in every step of the journey. So, let us live each day with gratitude and a sense of wonder, for in doing so, we unlock the true beauty of life.

Monday, August 28, 2023

Luminous Embrace

 Amidst the velvet tapestry of night,

A silvery sentinel takes its flight. O moon, enchantress of the skies, In your ethereal glow, my heart complies.

You waltz through heavens with grace untold, A beacon of dreams in the cosmic fold. Each phase you don, a tender guise, A mirror to passions that never dies.

In crescent's cradle, a sliver of light, You whisper of promises, tender and bright. A harbinger of love, so shy and meek, In your crescent's curve, secrets we seek.

Then waxing gibbous, you steadily grow, Like love's steady ember, a fervent glow. Your gentle ascent stirs hearts anew, As passion's flame ignites, a love so true.

Full moon, you rise in splendor and grace, A radiant smile on the night's embrace. With your luminous gaze, you watch us below, Mapping our paths where the heartstrings flow.

In the depths of midnight, your luminescence gleams, Guiding lost souls through life's intricate seams. Oh, moon, you're a lantern in the dark, A celestial compass, a comforting spark.

But even in wane, as your light recedes, You teach us of love's enduring needs. For love is not constant, nor always bright, Yet it thrives in the shadows, in the absence of light.

Your craters and scars, a testament true, That imperfections don't define the view. In your battered surface, I find solace deep, A metaphor for love, in secrets we keep.

Moonlit rendezvous in soft silver beams, A canvas for love's most intimate dreams. Under your gaze, hearts entwine, Lost in a dance that transcends time.

In your company, whispers take flight, Promises exchanged in the still of night. The moonlit symphony, a delicate song, Love's melody echoing, tender and strong.

Moon, you're a witness to love's sweet refrain, As it weaves through hearts like an endless chain. In your tranquil glow, souls confide, The stories of love they cannot hide.

And in the moon's cradle, dreams are spun, Two souls converging, becoming as one. Love, like the moon, has its cycles too, And through every phase, it remains ever true.

Moonlight bathes us in a soft, gentle hue, Unveiling our passions, our vulnerabilities too. Under your tender gaze, masks fall away, And love's naked truth sees the light of day.

Oh, moon, you're a metaphor for love's sweet grace, A reflection of longing on every face. In your silvery aura, hearts find their home, A love that's eternal, no matter where we roam.

As the night sky's poet, you inspire the heart, A symbol of love's every delicate part. So let us bask in your radiant beams, Lost in a love that transcends all dreams.

Moon, our celestial confidante so dear, You've witnessed love's laughter, its sorrow, its cheer. A guardian of secrets, a beacon of light, Guiding us through the enigma of night.

In the expanse of your cosmic embrace, Love finds its echo, its dwelling place. Moon, luminous lover of the night, In your tender glow, hearts take flight.

The Perpetual Dilemma of Life's Choices

 Life, an intricate tapestry woven from a myriad of moments and choices, presents us with a ceaseless array of dilemmas. The human journey is marked by the constant interplay between desires and responsibilities, aspirations and limitations, hopes and fears. This perpetual dilemma shapes our paths and molds our characters, defining the essence of our existence.


From the earliest crossroads of childhood to the intricate decisions of adulthood, life's dilemmas confront us with intricate challenges. The choices we make often reflect not only our desires but also our values and priorities. Do we follow our passions or heed the practicalities? Do we embrace risk or seek security? These questions, like threads in a labyrinthine maze, guide us through the intricate terrain of decision-making.


At times, the dilemma of life manifests as the tension between individual desires and societal expectations. Society's norms and conventions impose their own set of options and judgments, causing us to grapple with the balance between personal authenticity and the need for social harmony. The pursuit of individuality versus the embrace of belonging tugs at our thoughts, complicating the choices we must make.


Furthermore, the passage of time adds another layer of complexity to life's dilemmas. Choices made in youth may echo into adulthood, and decisions taken in the present can ripple into the future. This temporal dimension, the interplay of immediate gratification and long-term consequences, requires us to weigh instant pleasures against lasting fulfillment.


Yet, within these dilemmas lies a profound opportunity for growth. The act of wrestling with choices fosters self-awareness, resilience, and adaptability. It challenges us to examine our motivations, confront our biases, and test the boundaries of our comfort zones. The decisions we make, whether they lead to triumph or setback, contribute to the rich tapestry of our experiences.


Ultimately, the essence of life's dilemma is not in its resolution but in its existence. The very act of wrestling with conflicting desires and complex circumstances is what propels us forward. It impels us to engage with life's intricacies, to learn from our choices, and to evolve as individuals.


As we navigate the labyrinth of existence, let us recognize that life's dilemmas are not stumbling blocks but stepping stones. They invite us to embrace uncertainty, to confront the multifaceted nature of our humanity, and to shape our narratives with authenticity and purpose. The beauty of life's dilemmas lies in the journey of self-discovery and in the mosaic of choices that form the canvas of our lives.





Contemplating the Inevitable: Reflections on Death


Death, an enigma that has captivated human thoughts and emotions for millennia, stands as an immutable part of the human experience. It is an existential inevitability that evokes a range of responses, from fear to curiosity, sorrow to acceptance. Through its omnipresence, death compels us to consider the very essence of our existence and the fragility of life.

The concept of death has shaped diverse cultural, religious, and philosophical frameworks, each offering insights into its significance. In religious contexts, death often symbolizes a transition to an afterlife or another realm. Different cultures have rituals and ceremonies to honor the departed, providing comfort to those left behind and emphasizing the interconnectedness of life and death.

In philosophical musings, death frequently serves as a driving force for reflection and introspection. The eminent philosopher Socrates posited that philosophy is a practice of learning how to die, implying that contemplating mortality can lead to a life of greater wisdom and purpose. Existentialist thinkers, like Jean-Paul Sartre, emphasized that awareness of death's inevitability brings forth personal responsibility and the freedom to choose how to live.

From a psychological standpoint, the fear of death, known as "thanatophobia," has been studied extensively. This fear is often tied to uncertainties about what comes after death, prompting individuals to grapple with their beliefs, values, and life's meaning. Alternatively, some studies suggest that confronting mortality can lead to a phenomenon known as "mortality salience," wherein individuals strive to bolster their self-esteem and cultural identities as a defense mechanism against the anxiety of death.

Moreover, death's presence can infuse life with a profound sense of urgency and purpose. Knowing that our time is finite, we are prompted to seize the opportunities before us, to mend relationships, and to pursue our passions with unwavering dedication. It reminds us that life's beauty lies in its impermanence.

In conclusion, death's role in the human narrative is multi-faceted, influencing our perspectives on life, purpose, and existence. Whether approached through religious beliefs, philosophical pondering, psychological inquiry, or a mixture of these lenses, death remains a universal and potent subject that calls upon us to reflect on what it means to truly live. It is a reminder that the tapestry of human experience is woven from the threads of both life and its inevitable conclusion.

In shadows deep

 In shadows deep, where questions reside,

The meaning of life we seek to confide. A puzzle unsolved, a riddle untamed, The essence of purpose, forever unnamed.

We dance through days, like leaves in the breeze, Chasing illusions, searching for ease. Yet every step taken, every dream we pursue, Echoes the void, the unanswered clue.

Stars in the sky, so distant and bright, Teach us the art of embracing the night. For in their quiet twinkle, we find a decree, That life's true meaning is not what we see.

A canvas of moments, both joy and despair, Brushstrokes of laughter, whispers of care. Yet under the surface, a current unseen, A river of questions, forever serene.

In laughter, in tears, in stories untold, Lies the tapestry of life, a mystery bold. For meaning's a whisper, a secret concealed, In the folds of existence, it's slowly revealed.

So let us not falter, in our quest to explore, The depths of our purpose, the heart's inner core. For even in meaninglessness, there's beauty to find, In the journey itself, in the thoughts intertwined.

Embrace the enigma, let wonder take flight, As we navigate this sea of endless night. For in the quest for meaning, we're never alone, United in our search, our hearts are known.

And though the answers may drift like the tide, In the search itself, there's meaning to ride. The meaninglessness of life, a canvas to paint, With the hues of our passion, free from constraint.

What is the end game ?

 What exactly is the end game? Earn money? and Die?