Pebbles...

If you believe ...Why is blind belief taken as faith which can lead you to uncharted successes? Why is it that somehow you have to discard your logic to "expierance" happiness? Why compromise and then call compromise ,faith? Why not call a bargain for what it is , a bargain only? Why cover every cold transation with a veneer of nicerites and then ..believe ..in them? Why should I believe in something that I cant justify? Why should I base my belief on the whims and fancies of another guy ..? Why should my trust or lack of it be taken as a proof of paronia? Why should I clap for the emperor with no clothes? Why should I be hanged for others delusatory fantasies? Why should I have any reason to think that blind faith is good? Why should things happen the way they have happened? What is exactly the right thing? How do u kno its the right thing? Majority doesnt prove anything..before Coppernicus ,after all it was the majority who "believed" that the earth was stationar...

Buy me a toy train .. a train that chuggs out on a chocolate station.. A train that gets me to go anywhere I want.. just a toy train..just a toy train.. A toy train, a new cycle..gold ,love.. Buy me buy me buy me.. Wats the price ..who cares.. Buy me.. People are selling .. and selling cheap.. selling all they care for.. They are selling..cmon buy me some! Buy me a road ..I dont care.. Just buy me the road... And I dont want the one with asphalt.. I want the one with the golden pavements...cmon buy me one And dont tell me u cant buy.. Dont tell me that u cant pay.. I have seen the money on u .. I have seen the drool of the sellers..cmon buy me! Dont worry..someday I will pay u back.. I can sell myself..its no problem.. Its ok..no problem Everything here is for sale.. I really dont mind the price.. Believe me I really dont.. Some one to buy ..some one to sale.. O wat a wonderful world !

In any knowledge scenario there are three levels of knowledge. The first level of knowledge is grassroot level empirical knowledge . This is the set of knowledge which would be something like practical sets of observations.Something like the knowledge of a farmer regarding rains..or a mechanic regarding wheels . This body of knowledge is the biggest conglomeration because as many as there are occupations there are observations.This would mean statements like "iron rusts"..."seeds germinate when placed in water" etc The second level of knowledge would be science. It would mean the crystalysation of the first level of knowledge into pockets of maths,physics chemistry and biology. This can mean statements like "mass is property of matter","space-time is curved", "in an euclidain space the sum of angles in a triangle are 180 degrees" etc The third level is that of metaphysical level which again is the crystalisation of the science. This can...

Keep worrying about the night .. And we miss the sunshine.. Keep worrying about the bouquet .. And we will miss the wild flowers.. Keep worrying about the fire .. And we will miss the snow... Keep worrying about the rains.. And we will miss the clouds... Keep worrying about the clock.. And we will miss the moment.. Life throws you its packets.. Some heavy and some light.. Some things get better with a lil bit of talk Some reek of a fight.. There are lots of things to worry about.. And Life does hand a lot on its platter.. Lots of things go bad.. But doesnt a wee little also gets better

One very conscending argument that one hears about Indians from Indians is this "but u must admit we are a very intelligent race"..And to cover up the case they will bring out examples of "making lassi using washing machine"..or everyday "smartness" that a normal Indian must get to to go through normal life (starting from smartly calculation of the bus timings to bargaining with the sandwich maker ) . And to end it all they will challenge any foreigner to go through the "complicated" Indian life if they considered themselves so "superior"... Everytime I hear this argument I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing because of the sheer hollowness of the argument and crying because of the amount of self delusion my countrymen are so proud of... I frankly dont consider ourselves to particularly smart because of the following reasons: 1. We have somehow made such a complex set of rules for ourselves(dont eat that , dont touc...

The other day I was having a heated argument with a freind of mine. Very heated ..so much heated that we didnt notice that the poor waiter at the tandoori restaurant was waiting for us to pay our bills for a good 7-9 mins. Both of us got up and walked to my car . The argument was about the essential ressistance of Indians to change..even the good ones and the lack of discipline. My freind took the line that essentially we are nice guys with a bit of rough edge...I took the line that we are basically rough guys with a glimpse of nice ness that sometimes mistakenly oozes out. The issue of argument were not only this..the argument turned towards the fact that was I patriotic enough? I mean ,my freind thought that with my constant criticism of Indians I was displaying lack of patriotism. I countered with the line that honesty is the best form of patriotism and me being honest about our short comings is more patriotic than covering it all up... The argument went on for a good two hours and...

I never learnt painting in the strictest sense..ie from a qualified teacher ..so I am kind of handicapped as far as my abilities go...but the issue here is that I am trying ..and trying with sincerity ..

This is a still life in pencil and the same composition in watercolors. I suck at colors...Need practice ! Loads..

Everytime someone returns from "phoren"..esp if he is a bachelor ..he gets asked the most famous question .."pssst ..did u do it?" Well I have gotten asked that question a lot of times and in a lot of ways ..so i a way this is my cumulative "NO" to them... Why? Well lots of things maybe.. First of all "phoren" isnt one big harem of half naked nymphomaniacs. Its a normal country where "doing" it isnt actually on top priority of gals(sadly thats the case in India too) Secondly although there are joints and outlets..I could never find the time ..as half of weekends I was working for extra money and the other half I blew that money on travelling Europe..so where was the money to "do it" commercially.... And thirdly and most surprisingly somehow that didnt strike me as priority number one. But all those questions made me think about the kind of misconceptions people have about "phoren" gals. I have had the fortune of frei...

I generally do not bother with what people do or behave like as long as they stay away from me. I am not a very social animal and I am happy that way..but what gets my goat is when people disrespect my time and privacy. Dude, there is a space where you exist ..do not over step them or you shall be thrown out (as they say in Navy Act "with disgrace") . Now thinking of such people I have come to a conclusion that this habit of utter disrespect for the other human beings time or privacy comes with a host of other sndromes . This is also the same category of people who think that by closing their eyes the world stops noticing them. The same category of people sometime also are so delusional that they are convinced that when they do "good" deeds there should be instant gratification while the "bad" deeds they do somehow are not quite bad to warrant punishment... Now thats not quite a bad logic when you apply it in your life...It becomes a slight problem when y...

Of late i have had this terrible urge to paint. And I say terrible because its something that i dont want to do now...I have exams now and painting is something i dont want to do. I dont want to lay out my paints and again fold them back..and my single cabin doesnt give me that luxury of a separate studio where i can leave my paints lying around.. So what to do...i cant stop...and this bloddy thing is in my head saying "paint paint paint.." ...I have hit upon a solution.. Pencil sketches and ink washes...no hassles. And I am loving it... Corollary..: The best part is that now no longer I am afraid to take on any subject..I just draw it..good bad ugly..I try to be true. For me now I dont want a "beautiful" painting .I just want it to be as true as real to the reality it represents. This simple fact has somehow made me happy in a way i never was ...Now i am thinking why did I waste my time to try create beautiful paintings ..I shud have tried to do "honest"...

I may not be the wisest bloke... But I am not really a fool u know... I see rains for rains as they are.. And I see the snow for snow.. I may not say a smart word today.. I may keep shut... Its another thing to be a dandy cookie.. and another thing to an observer but.. Games that people play... May not end up in joys always.. I dont want this game .. For this I really do not enjoy.. You may want to play the games... That you have always played and won.. Wont work with me ,dude for me the game is not on... You can say your sweet words .. And I will nod to same.. my mind will shake its light head.. and ponder over your words so lame.. You can thump your chest and proclaim the win.. Over wits,money and fame .. I am walking away from you .. for me its all the same.. You have lost the game with me.. It doesnt matter what you say.. you are out of my sphere , dude.. it doesnt matter what you lay.. Goodbye to your games and saccharin talk.. we will see who wins ... Who fakes a victory of lif...

It doesnt take much to break.. A word , touch or a simple shake.. Lightly put at the wrong place .. Does the mind it displace.. A crack , a tear.. a whimper of fear.. a sound .. a persona wound.. gives away to unfair wind.. questions that bind... on the precipice of thought.. of threads sold and bought.. who thinks of wat happens.. when the mind stiffens... A crash a bang ... wasnt always what rang.. Love can die a silent death.. without a funeral ,without a wreath A ceremony isnt all that one needs.. a scratch is all that bleeds...

I dont know if everyone goes through a phase in life where he/she is somewhere not interested in wat goes around. But I somehow have a strong feeling of passing through that stage where actually very little bothers me and I am really interested in a very narrow range of things... I have this feeling that somehow I am observing the world from a height where I can point out the futility of it all ...work, life ,relationships etc. Sometimes I find the seriousness of others actually puzzling. Seriousness about life ..about small things in life . sometimes I actually virtually tap them on the shoulders and say ' err why dont we grow up?".. Most things actually look petty to me nowadays. And more so when people make sweeping statements ,I feel like saying " how come u are so sure of that?". There is a certain lack of belief in any system that I find creeping inside me and instead of being scared I am quite enjoying it. The flip side of this whole expierance is that I have ...

I like to be with people who are inherently intelligent and funny . If I am asked to define as to wat "kind" of people I love..One answer wud sum it all ..intelligent and ireverent. Somehow I have found these qualities so intrinsincally linked that its difficult to find a really intelligent guy/gal who cant laugh at him/herself. And such guys are fun to be with ... the days seem so short with such human beings . And somehow these guys can appreciate the value of things like silence and music and do not exert themselves or try too hard. Thats the beauty of such people..and the best part is that they are ignorant of this quality. Somehow I like being around such people..they make me happy and the world seems a much better place with these guys around. Words like "love" ,"respect" , "appreciation" and "honesty" suddenly appear to have a tangible meaning with these people . One tends to get lulled into a great sense of security which perha...

One of my very close freinds once read my blog on "expiriance" and suggested I write about loneliness.. Here I go.. First thing first , I never felt lonely ever in my life. Infact I am one of the few guys who enjoy solitude. Solitude is wat I look forward to...And while equating solitude with loneliness is not fair, i wud dare call solitude "enjoyable loneliness". So wat must "sad loneliness" feel like? I must imagine it must feel like hell . It must feel like someone has wrenched a part of your body and that place feels hollow and empty...yes, maybe loneliness is much like emptiness . Emptiness of heart and soul that somehow makes you feel that u are one half of some godforsaken project ..in which the other half is somehow not under control. Maybe the other half is not always a person but a persona ..! Persona which one has himself built ..So loneliness in a way a self created illusion. Look at it this way. You wre creating a persona of a person who in ...

Sometimes we come across some expierances which are so honest that we wonder if its actually true ..And the basic underlying fact of honesty ironically makes it even more illusive. You want to hold it so tight that sometimes you feel it slipping rite thru your fingers ...hold it tighter and it slips faster..! I wonder if thats the beauty of it all...maybe the slippage itself is a part of the scheme of larger things..the feeling of the slip being as much a part of expierance as the sands itself..? may be ..maybe not? Who am I to comment on something thats beyond me... That expierance could be the shower of yellow flowers on a solitary tree..that expierance could be the wide blue sky..a well designed furniture..a handsome human ...fleeting foot prints on the beach or a conversation.. You want to relive it yet again and again because somehre it moved you beyond the drudgery of mundane ..you ant to relive it because somewhre you realise that life is a bit more dragging . But then that expi...

Nope its not about pursuit of Naomi Cambell ..and then it may be also. In keeping with my original goal of doing what makes me happy...I was thinking as to what is it that makes me happy?Can I put it in some format of thought? Can I build a set with it..?What are the characterisics of my hapiness?Hmm..lets list it out.. 1. Process as opposed to object- My hapiness has the characteristics of process not an object. The difference is important. Because an object has very different characteristics to that of a process in the sense that a process is dynamic while an object is static.Neither is superior but then the essence of a process is that it keeps changing shape and form and the bar keeps shifting. 2. Means - As far as my on hapiness is concerned..it shoudlnt come at the cost of someone elses. I will not as far as possible try occupying someone elses fields ..rather I will try to grow my own plants . This may seem as a rather altrusitic point till one sees it only as common sense. If ...

Why dont you keep shut? you think you are too smart? Dont ask stupid questions. There is no answer . Thats known only to God. We are not suposed to ask such questions. Wat makes u think everything has a logic? Faith and trust makes the world go around. Someday you will grow up. Why dont you get married? Marriage will reform you. You need a girl not logic. Everything cant be explained by science. Shut up.

Sometimes back I had an interesting conversation regarding some reality TV show called "Emotional Atyachar". In case you are from mars..this is a programme based on partners cheating on each other...! The discussion turned tangential to actual programme and someone made a comment "thats so immoral"...! Somehow post that discussion the pharse kept banging on my head "thats so immoral"...hmmm...interesting...! So lets discuss immorality.. What is immoral? By what we set "moral" standards? Where is the reference for morals? Who defines what is immoral? Society, Religion or is there an absolute set of morals that we just "know". Do we just "know" that murder is immoral or we consider murder immoral because society as a majority sets the standards..? For example what would be the morality of cannibalism in a cannibalistic society? Will eating a fellow human being be considered "immoral" in such a society? Will a cannibal ...

Trying hard to be a good ..trying hard to be bad trying hard to be happy..trying hard to be sad.. ..trying hard to laugh..trying hard to cry. trying hard to welcome..trying hard to say "bye"... trying hard to learn...trying hard to unlearn.. trying hard to be soft ..trying hard to be stern.. trying hard to remember ..trying hard to forget... trying hard to imbibe...trying hard to beget.. trying hard to listen..trying hard to be deaf.. trying hard to be flexible..trying hard to be stiff.. trying hard to be blind..trying hard to see.. trying hard to live ,,and trying hard to die.....

There will be a day when I will wake up.. shake the day and say to it..get up.. There will be a day when I will speak slowly.. and no one will tell me to raise my voice.. There will be a day that I will try to hold the dew drops on leaves.. and they will not break.. There will be a day when the sun sets on my palms.. and will make my hands red with its color.. There will be a day when I will be able to pull the blue curtains of the sky to my windows... I will wait for that day..for maybe when it comes.. I will be ready.. And then that will be the day I will sleep .. and never ever will any one wake me up...

1. Day 1-(10 Mar 10) The expedition team left Dehli at 0600 by bus towards Rishikesh. A light breakfast at Muzafurpur on the way was oragised at Chital Restaurant where members freshened up . The campsite (base) at Sivpuri was reached at 1415 hrs . A nutritious lunch at 1430 hrs was followed by a briefing by the guides and a swim across the river . Training in basic raft handling and gears were also imparted . The session folded up at 1700 hrs followed by light snacks and tea. In the evening a campfire was lit where we were joined by some other civilians who were a part of the camp at Shivpuri. Rounds of songs and discussions around the campfire were followed by some serious tips by the organisers ,Neeraj Dahiya and Sanjeev , on safety and camp rules.Dinner was served at 2115 hrs and we retired for the night. 2. Day 2-(11Mar 10) The day started with a volleyball match at 0630 hrs and breakfast at 0830 hrs . The team started for the site of l...

humne dekhi hai un aankhon ki mehakti khushboo haath se chhoo ke ise rishton ka ilzaam na do.... sirf ehsaas hai ye rooh se mehsoos karo pyaar ko pyaar hi rehne do koi naam na do......

I had the oppurtunity to visit two sacred shrines at Chennai , the Vashnavite Temple of Partha Sarthy and the shaivaite Temple of Kapaleswar. Ravi accompanied me and took pains to explain the differing philosophies of both sects that revere the temples respectively.. Parthasarthy- This is the epitome of Vaishnavite culture and I could identify with it. Mostly because my family comes from a line of Vishnu worshippers . The temple was as usual spic and span and most rituals were similar to ones we did at our village . It was kind of home coming for me and as I sat in the courtyard I could not but marvel at the whole ambience of shlokas and worship..but somehow I felt that this was not something that I really identified with. I mean the vaishnava way of things. It sounded very polished and smooth. Fussy if you ask me...I waited for the next temple ..Kapaleshwar. Kapaleswar- This is an opposing philosophy and that stood out immediately. And somehow immediately I felt that this was somethin...

Holi has memories for everyone... But I remember a particular incident that happened eons ago ...the thing that makes this incident stand out is the "out of box" solution that one my freinds thought of... Holi in our locality was a semi community affair..Which meant that everyone had the free license to do whatever he/she wanted. Like all localities ..this was a free for all and lurking romances and unrequited advances had a ball.. I had a bum chum pal, Toni Arora, naturalised Oriya Punju(yeah that specis exists). And we were the anti-holi brigade . It was a party that owes its existance to destruction of our carefully kept comics at the hand of a "holi-vandal"(basically ..our Phantom Comics were covered with unmentionable colors thanks to indiscriminate "color-Playing"..but that story some other time).. Now since we were the only two members and had failed to solicit any other citizens ...We had to take the ocassion of holi as a kind of propaganda(kind of...

After religion mariage must be the hoax that everyone wants to believe. Each day I am convinced that marriage is a lose lose game . And I do not say it with the victory smile of a bachelor but with the wisdom of seeing closely as to how marriages are working out nowadays. People are so concerned about "working out" the marriage that they forget that marriage was designed for pleasure . If you are working at making something "just work" then whats the difference between your job and marriage..now now..please do not give me that sagely smile. I have just realised that married guys know as much about marriage as a bachelor..! I have come to this belief that somehow the institution of marriage has run out of steam and logic. There is no need for marriage and the time has come for such a losing proposition to die its own natural death. What I feel that like religion we shall soon run out of people "who believe in marriages" and then the world will be a happier ...

na ye zameen thi na aasmaan tha na chaand taaron ka hi nishaan tha magar ye sach hai ke un dino bhi tera mera pyaar yoon hi jawaan tha na ye zameen thi na aasmaan tha na chaand taaron ka hi nishaan tha magar ye sach hai ke un dino bhi tera mera pyaar yoon hi jawaan tha na ye zameen thi na aasmaan tha chale kahaan se kahaan pe aaye khumaar ban ke jahaan pe chhaaye chale kahaan se kahaan pe aaye khumaar ban ke jahaan pe chhaaye nibhaayi rasm e wafa kuchh aise muhabbaton ke chaman khilaaye na kaise aasaan hoti manzil har ek armaan naujawaan tha na ye zameen thi na aasmaan tha na chaand taaron ka hi nishaan tha magar ye sach hai ke un dino bhi tera mera pyaar yoon hi jawaan tha na ye zameen thi na aasmaan tha hum hi ne taaron ko roshni di hum hi ne phoolon ko taazgi di hum hi ne taaron ko roshni di hum hi ne phoolon ko taazgi di jidhar se guzre jahaan bhi thehre har ek zarre ko zindagi di kuchh is mein dil ki tadap thi shaamil khuda bhi kuchh hum pe meharbaan tha na ye zameen th...

Now that I have got your attention..Let me elaborate that title a bit. Thats a book by Nobel Laureate Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The title is a giveaway..Its actually about "Melancholic Whores". But the catch here is that the patron is a 90 year old man. He wants a virgin as a gift for himself on his ninetieth b'day. Somehow his pimp manages a 14 year old virgin. And he so falls in love with her sleeping figure that he never gets to wake her up or make love to her... What is amazing about reading the novel that such a crass tale of lechery is uplifting and beautiful when described in all honesty. The delicacy of the moments and the underlaying tragedy of the situation is something that cannot be done by an ordinary writer. Its only marquez who can transform a cheap porn subject into that of high art.. I guess thats wat differentiates authors. Try reading it some times without any reservations and you will realise what it means to taste world literature..

I have the mind set of an electrical engineer and I am stuck in that thinking framework thats typically electrical. I had no idea of how dogmatic my thinking is till today. What opened my eyes to that was a constant pressure pump. The pump was on the shop floor .It was not developing pressure ie around 90 kg....! it was buiding up till 45 kgs and then that was it...no increase. The technicians were on it..and I walked up to it and saw it all opened up. The plate controlling the pressure is called a swash plate..the plate is basically supposed to vary the area of inlet and outlet pressure. The crux is the fact that there is supposed to be a feedback that "tells" the swash plate to adjusts itself. And I have this idea that a feedback mechanism is supposed to be an electronic ressistor/ capacitor/inductor that is compared to a set value. The difference is proportional to the "actual" and "designed" difference. Simple. Not so. I kept on asking the technicians ...

Apart from the fact that Sister Amelia told me to be honest in one fine moral science class ...I have yet to find a concrete reason to be honest. Concrete from the point of view of morals and ethics..! Yet as I try and tell people to be honest I must try and find out the motivation for being honest.. Why should one be honest? That is an interesting question ..! Interesting because every sense in this world tells us that dishonesty pays . You can cheat and get rewards ..what are the rewards of "not cheating". Lets not get into the God bullshit...! What are actually the rewards of being honest in this world? In answer to the question ...I feel I just know my motivation. I dont know why should you be honest ,I only know why should I be honest ..and I spell them out... 1. Honesty leads to a simple and elegant answer. For example when some one forces you to drink ..you can say "today is tuesday..so i will not drink" ..or you can say.."because I dont feel like"....

At the cost of sounding noo much of a negative ...or maybe at the cost of sounding too much of a loner. I feel that at the end of the day not only me but everyone else is alone. Alone in the sense that there is a singularity for every relationship.. Which put simply means that there is a breaking point for every relationship..freindhip ,love,lust etc etc. At some point the best of these fail and we should learn to accept that the only thing left with us is ourselves . I dont argue this point with anyone because then it leads to superflous arguments and stupid cliches ("no man is an island") or even heartfelt suggestions("u shud fing a gal")....! The point of the argument is not getting over solitude ..but enjoying it. If one looks at it I am not selling this idea to anyone...its just there. If you have the courage to look at it in the face you will see it. Thre is nothing negative about it. Know the singularity of your relationships and learn to accept that even the...

This day .. Swinging between the hopelessness of existence and the reward of living, as I sit , memories flood me.Past present and future..yes future. So here I am where I am ...living and existing both at the same time and both simultaneously not possible. I want my mind to go blank ..just blank. I don't want to think...I want to feel the night . A night where superflous music rocks dumb minds and lulls one into a trance. A trance which is much more peacefull and happy than being and acknowledging what is around...Confusing and comforting. No structure or shape ..an amorphous present . A drug induced stupor of good living and comfortable existance under which lurks the "monsters under the bed of calvin"..Kafka would have been proud.. Jung prouder still... How can a "new year" change anything? How can any amount of resolutions make us better? How can pretty pink and roses cover the smell of the gutter we call the world? How can we cover up a drain hole and paint...