If you believe..! Why should I?

If you believe ...Why is blind belief taken as faith which can lead you to uncharted successes? Why is it that somehow you have to discard your logic to "expierance" happiness? Why compromise and then call compromise ,faith? Why not call a bargain for what it is , a bargain only? Why cover every cold transation with a veneer of nicerites and then ..believe ..in them? Why should I believe in something that I cant justify? Why should I base my belief on the whims and fancies of another guy ..? Why should my trust or lack of it be taken as a proof of paronia? Why should I clap for the emperor with no clothes? Why should I be hanged for others delusatory fantasies? Why should I have any reason to think that blind faith is good? Why should things happen the way they have happened? What is exactly the right thing? How do u kno its the right thing? Majority doesnt prove anything..before Coppernicus ,after all it was the majority who "believed" that the earth was stationary. Touche

Buy me some..please!

Buy me a toy train ..

a train that chuggs out on a chocolate station..

A train that gets me to go anywhere I want..

just a toy train..just a toy train..

A toy train, a new cycle..gold ,love..

Buy me buy me buy me..

Wats the price ..who cares..

Buy me..

People are selling ..

and selling cheap..

selling all they care for..

They are selling..cmon buy me some!

Buy me a road ..I dont care..

Just buy me the road...

And I dont want the one with asphalt..

I want the one with the golden pavements...cmon buy me one

And dont tell me u cant buy..

Dont tell me that u cant pay..

I have seen the money on u ..

I have seen the drool of the sellers..cmon buy me!

Dont worry..someday I will pay u back..

I can sell myself..its no problem..

Its ok..no problem

Everything here is for sale..

I really dont mind the price..

Believe me I really dont..

Some one to buy ..some one to sale..

O wat a wonderful world !

Levels of knowledge

In any knowledge scenario there are three levels of knowledge. The first level of knowledge is grassroot level empirical knowledge . This is the set of knowledge which would be something like practical sets of observations.Something like the knowledge of a farmer regarding rains..or a mechanic regarding wheels . This body of knowledge is the biggest conglomeration because as many as there are occupations there are observations.This would mean statements like "iron rusts"..."seeds germinate when placed in water" etc

The second level of knowledge would be science. It would mean the crystalysation of the first level of knowledge into pockets of maths,physics chemistry and biology. This can mean statements like "mass is property of matter","space-time is curved", "in an euclidain space the sum of angles in a triangle are 180 degrees" etc

The third level is that of metaphysical level which again is the crystalisation of the science. This can mean statments like " everything is relative", "the more you seek the more u find"

The worst part of this kind of division is that the third level knowledge is absurdely simplistic. And that makes is posible for a layman to mouth the third level even when he has no knowledge of the first two levels .

And these people make up organised religion charlatans ..gurus and spiritual leaders ! Sad but true

Keep worrying about the night ..

And we miss the sunshine..

Keep worrying about the bouquet ..

And we will miss the wild flowers..

Keep worrying about the fire ..

And we will miss the snow...

Keep worrying about the rains..

And we will miss the clouds...

Keep worrying about the clock..

And we will miss the moment..

Life throws you its packets..

Some heavy and some light..

Some things get better with a lil bit of talk

Some reek of a fight..

There are lots of things to worry about..

And Life does hand a lot on its platter..

Lots of things go bad..

But doesnt a wee little also gets better

The smartass of the world

One very conscending argument that one hears about Indians from Indians is this "but u must admit we are a very intelligent race"..And to cover up the case they will bring out examples of "making lassi using washing machine"..or everyday "smartness" that a normal Indian must get to to go through normal life (starting from smartly calculation of the bus timings to bargaining with the sandwich maker ) . And to end it all they will challenge any foreigner to go through the "complicated" Indian life if they considered themselves so "superior"...

Everytime I hear this argument I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing because of the sheer hollowness of the argument and crying because of the amount of self delusion my countrymen are so proud of...

I frankly dont consider ourselves to particularly smart because of the following reasons:

1. We have somehow made such a complex set of rules for ourselves(dont eat that , dont touch that, start on this foot , jump on that day, say hi to so and so every half an hour etc etc) that these rules have taken precedence over actual living. I would say that these rules are logically correct and quite great on paper (infact they are the best rules in the world) but translated to ground they have not managed to keep up with advances in knowledge.

Instead of simplifying those rules what Indians have done is to complicate them further with a tacit understanding that if you are rich and powerful then there exists a loophole. So while on one side the ordinary person(read middle class) is always in a moral dilems his richer counterpart does not posess any such quandry.

The logic of actions that flows down is that "rules are subjectively proportional to the lightness of your wallet". This is not a logic thats natural but a logic that has emerged from the clash of complex rules with a desire for fetterless living.

This lack of a smooth and ethic based practicality with that of ideological theory is the greatest reminder of the utter stupidity of Indians.

2. Lack of Basics- As a race forever enamoured with "showbaazi" somewhere there is a severe tendency to forget or just ignore groundlevel reality. The decision makers have always had an enormous capacity to delude themselves and hence never solve grassroot level problems.

So while in ancient times the Brahmin practised high class mathematics , the general public so much never had a basic sence of numbers and measurement. There was a disconnect between ordinary living and the ivory tower.

This is very evident today if you take a closer look at the industrial base of India.

While every economy first stabilises bottom up, ie starting with a self sufficiency in infrastructure and then moving on to luxury..India has always started with satellites first without building enough safety pin industries. To push the analogy further while food processing has grown in spurts , agriculture has yet to see the light of the day.

This disconnect is even seen in daily life . While we have students carrying out advance research into civil engineering, mass housing and roads are shabby , both functionally as well as structurally.

This disconnect is not due to lack of resources but due to a inherent snob value which somehow makes an "academic" a member of higher pantheon of Gods and he is defiled by his foray into solving day to day problems.

With the result that we have mechanical engineers who are scared of opening up a bicyle. If one cant call it stupidity then wat do u call it?

Temptation of an argument

The other day I was having a heated argument with a freind of mine. Very heated ..so much heated that we didnt notice that the poor waiter at the tandoori restaurant was waiting for us to pay our bills for a good 7-9 mins. Both of us got up and walked to my car . The argument was about the essential ressistance of Indians to change..even the good ones and the lack of discipline. My freind took the line that essentially we are nice guys with a bit of rough edge...I took the line that we are basically rough guys with a glimpse of nice ness that sometimes mistakenly oozes out.
The issue of argument were not only this..the argument turned towards the fact that was I patriotic enough? I mean ,my freind thought that with my constant criticism of Indians I was displaying lack of patriotism. I countered with the line that honesty is the best form of patriotism and me being honest about our short comings is more patriotic than covering it all up...

The argument went on for a good two hours and reminded me of a spanish freind Diego who once caught a bunch of us Indians in a german dormitory kitchen at 12 o clock midnight arguing about politics in India. Diego in mock anger shouted from his room " I kno u A@@@$% are from the largest democracy..doesnt mean that u fuckin argue about every fuking Pizza flavor"...and we shouted back.."down with european imperalism"...And next day Diego made it up by feeding us a homemade Tortilla Omellette..And we fucked his happiness by making him a spicy Chicken Curry(he got addicted to chicken curry later and then we had to suffer by having to buy spices for him everytime we went to the Indians Store...


Bottomline is that I cant avoid a good fight...I am trying to . But the temptation is too much ...

Some of my attempts ..

I never learnt painting in the strictest sense..ie from a qualified teacher ..so I am kind of handicapped as far as my abilities go...but the issue here is that I am trying ..and trying with sincerity ..

some new sketches

This is a still life in pencil and the same composition in watercolors. I suck at colors...Need practice ! Loads..

Psst....

Everytime someone returns from "phoren"..esp if he is a bachelor ..he gets asked the most famous question .."pssst ..did u do it?"

Well I have gotten asked that question a lot of times and in a lot of ways ..so i a way this is my cumulative "NO" to them...
Why? Well lots of things maybe..
First of all "phoren" isnt one big harem of half naked nymphomaniacs. Its a normal country where "doing" it isnt actually on top priority of gals(sadly thats the case in India too)
Secondly although there are joints and outlets..I could never find the time ..as half of weekends I was working for extra money and the other half I blew that money on travelling Europe..so where was the money to "do it" commercially....
And thirdly and most surprisingly somehow that didnt strike me as priority number one.

But all those questions made me think about the kind of misconceptions people have about "phoren" gals. I have had the fortune of freindship of a few such "phoren" ones and let me tell u that its really nothing like what you guys think..

The girls as in India are as decent and as nice. Infact the only thing that differentiates them from Indian gals is their lack of complications .
And like gals all over the world you should treat them with respect and you will get respect. And as freinds they are capable of going to that extra step that would actually touch your heart. I would suggest that if you do come across "phoren" gals , treat them with respect and as freinds and try not visualising a naked nymphomaniac..
It will not make you a casanova but will somehow prevent you from being taken for a "desi sex maniac"...

Closing eyes and opening mouth!

I generally do not bother with what people do or behave like as long as they stay away from me. I am not a very social animal and I am happy that way..but what gets my goat is when people disrespect my time and privacy. Dude, there is a space where you exist ..do not over step them or you shall be thrown out (as they say in Navy Act "with disgrace") .

Now thinking of such people I have come to a conclusion that this habit of utter disrespect for the other human beings time or privacy comes with a host of other sndromes . This is also the same category of people who think that by closing their eyes the world stops noticing them.
The same category of people sometime also are so delusional that they are convinced that when they do "good" deeds there should be instant gratification while the "bad" deeds they do somehow are not quite bad to warrant punishment...

Now thats not quite a bad logic when you apply it in your life...It becomes a slight problem when you start applying them across the board...why?

Let me list out the reasons along with the few other things such persons think a bit about before they close their eyes and open their mouth...

1. No one cares a damn. Corollary: you are not god's left b*ll so either you close your eyes or open your eyes ..no one cares.

2. No one thinks of you as a saint. People are not as dumb as you think them to be.One golden rule: you are judged by wat you do instead of wat you say. ( I will give a good example..a muslim freind of mine somehow spent his time searching for a bottle of best vodka for all of us ..spending time and money on a product that he doesnt touch..why ? for us.
Now that gesture is worth a thousand words of suppliant silky touch..and cannot even rival that gesture)

3. Not everything has a cause and effect that you presume. I hate red color doesnt always mean that I found your red hat repulsive...not always.

4. your logic is alright with you but try not to cover up your mistake with a twisted justifying logic. you know where you stand and when you are giving a reason you are trying to fool no one but you.

5. when someone nods his head it doesnt mean that he agrees with you..it could also mean that he/she is pitying you.

6. Be happy ....dont complicate your life and others by your stupid games. If you have so much of time spend a part of it in discovering your talents and groove. Much more productive and believe me you will make the world a better place..

Disclaimer: the reason I have written this peice is because i felt like it and maybe i am a bit pissed off because my third acryllic attempt didnt end up in the monalisa i wanted it to be. And I dont know why I am feeling slightly better at my charcoal attempts ...so ... with malice towards none this peice was written...

Seeing...

Of late i have had this terrible urge to paint. And I say terrible because its something that i dont want to do now...I have exams now and painting is something i dont want to do. I dont want to lay out my paints and again fold them back..and my single cabin doesnt give me that luxury of a separate studio where i can leave my paints lying around..
So what to do...i cant stop...and this bloddy thing is in my head saying "paint paint paint.." ...I have hit upon a solution..
Pencil sketches and ink washes...no hassles.
And I am loving it...

Corollary..:

The best part is that now no longer I am afraid to take on any subject..I just draw it..good bad ugly..I try to be true. For me now I dont want a "beautiful" painting .I just want it to be as true as real to the reality it represents.
This simple fact has somehow made me happy in a way i never was ...Now i am thinking why did I waste my time to try create beautiful paintings ..I shud have tried to do "honest" paintings and sketches ..I shud have not cared for those who ask for "wall hanging" style paintings ..(err..can u do me a reddish painting..it looks nice on my wall"....
But well..not too late any way..
I am still alive and my eyes can see and my hands can move and I can draw...

I may not be the wisest bloke...

I may not be the wisest bloke...
But I am not really a fool u know...
I see rains for rains as they are..
And I see the snow for snow..

I may not say a smart word today..
I may keep shut...
Its another thing to be a dandy cookie..
and another thing to an observer but..

Games that people play...
May not end up in joys always..
I dont want this game ..
For this I really do not enjoy..

You may want to play the games...
That you have always played and won..
Wont work with me ,dude
for me the game is not on...

You can say your sweet words ..
And I will nod to same..
my mind will shake its light head..
and ponder over your words so lame..

You can thump your chest and proclaim the win..
Over wits,money and fame ..
I am walking away from you ..
for me its all the same..

You have lost the game with me..
It doesnt matter what you say..
you are out of my sphere , dude..
it doesnt matter what you lay..

Goodbye to your games and saccharin talk..
we will see who wins ...
Who fakes a victory of life..
And who really walks the walk..

I may not be the wisest bloke...
But I am not really a fool u know...
I see rains for rains as they are..
And I see the snow for snow..

It doesnt take much to break.

It doesnt take much to break..
A word , touch or a simple shake..
Lightly put at the wrong place ..
Does the mind it displace..
A crack , a tear..
a whimper of fear..
a sound ..
a persona wound..
gives away to unfair wind..
questions that bind...
on the precipice of thought..
of threads sold and bought..
who thinks of wat happens..
when the mind stiffens...
A crash a bang ...
wasnt always what rang..
Love can die a silent death..
without a funeral ,without a wreath
A ceremony isnt all that one needs..
a scratch is all that bleeds...

Not interested..

I dont know if everyone goes through a phase in life where he/she is somewhere not interested in wat goes around. But I somehow have a strong feeling of passing through that stage where actually very little bothers me and I am really interested in a very narrow range of things...

I have this feeling that somehow I am observing the world from a height where I can point out the futility of it all ...work, life ,relationships etc. Sometimes I find the seriousness of others actually puzzling. Seriousness about life ..about small things in life . sometimes I actually virtually tap them on the shoulders and say ' err why dont we grow up?"..

Most things actually look petty to me nowadays. And more so when people make sweeping statements ,I feel like saying " how come u are so sure of that?". There is a certain lack of belief in any system that I find creeping inside me and instead of being scared I am quite enjoying it.

The flip side of this whole expierance is that I have started looking down on some kind of persons..persons who feel that they are important,persons who are self proclaimed martyrs, persons who are very sure of their faith, persons who are manipulative, persons who refuse to acknowledge what lies before them...and many more.
I dont think thats a great idea to look down on some one ..because that makes me very negative about most of the things. Its difficult to have faith when u look down on people . Its not a good thing ...maybe.

so wat do i feel like doing..

I want to take a vacation with my sketchpad and go to Diu and finish 100 sketches a day ..I want to fill all the sketchbooks i have bought..finish all the colors I have...I want to take a short course on applied mathematics..learn matlab better...i want to write a story...i just want to sit and look at people...I want to read ayn rand...I want to drive ...i want to learn proper gymming..

And not really feel like doing..
talking to stupid people, attending stupid functions, giving stupid exams and doing stupid mundane things which really have a negative contribution on my grey matter..

Who are the people I like to be with.

I like to be with people who are inherently intelligent and funny . If I am asked to define as to wat "kind" of people I love..One answer wud sum it all ..intelligent and ireverent. Somehow I have found these qualities so intrinsincally linked that its difficult to find a really intelligent guy/gal who cant laugh at him/herself. And such guys are fun to be with ... the days seem so short with such human beings . And somehow these guys can appreciate the value of things like silence and music and do not exert themselves or try too hard. Thats the beauty of such people..and the best part is that they are ignorant of this quality. Somehow I like being around such people..they make me happy and the world seems a much better place with these guys around. Words like "love" ,"respect" , "appreciation" and "honesty" suddenly appear to have a tangible meaning with these people . One tends to get lulled into a great sense of security which perhaps is possible otherwise with alcohol or drugs. Such people are capable of elevating a moment of mundaneness to that of extraordinary . A simple phone conversation can jump into the realm of intoxication..A discussion has the potential to become philosophical and a video can take on profound dimensions ..while at the same time Gods can be reduced to a joke or respectable holy cows to their lowly sheds. Thats the fun...And fun is something that these people take seriously and maybe thats very important...

Loneliness

One of my very close freinds once read my blog on "expiriance" and suggested I write about loneliness..

Here I go..

First thing first , I never felt lonely ever in my life. Infact I am one of the few guys who enjoy solitude. Solitude is wat I look forward to...And while equating solitude with loneliness is not fair, i wud dare call solitude "enjoyable loneliness". So wat must "sad loneliness" feel like?

I must imagine it must feel like hell . It must feel like someone has wrenched a part of your body and that place feels hollow and empty...yes, maybe loneliness is much like emptiness . Emptiness of heart and soul that somehow makes you feel that u are one half of some godforsaken project ..in which the other half is somehow not under control. Maybe the other half is not always a person but a persona ..! Persona which one has himself built ..So loneliness in a way a self created illusion.

Look at it this way. You wre creating a persona of a person who in "your" perception made you "not lonely" . Hmmm..interesting. Which means that the persona is your own creation and somehow under your control ..but nope..u ant to give it a free will. So it wanders on its own and makes you "sad lonely"..! bloody hell wat am I talking??

Sorry boss .."sad lonely" isnt my cup of tea...I give up !

The expierance..

Sometimes we come across some expierances which are so honest that we

wonder if its actually true ..And the basic underlying fact of honesty ironically

makes it even more illusive. You want to hold it so tight that sometimes you

feel it slipping rite thru your fingers ...hold it tighter and it slips faster..! I wonder if thats the beauty of it all...maybe the slippage itself is a part of the scheme of larger things..the feeling of the slip being as much a part of expierance as the sands itself..? may be ..maybe not? Who am I to comment on something thats beyond me...

That expierance could be the shower of yellow flowers on a solitary tree..that expierance could be the wide blue sky..a well designed furniture..a handsome human ...fleeting foot prints on the beach or a conversation..

You want to relive it yet again and again because somehre it moved you beyond the drudgery of mundane ..you ant to relive it because somewhre you realise that life is a bit more dragging . But then that expierance has a mind of its own..u cant dictate it to do ur bidding..its free and in its freedom lies its strength . If it was repetative maybe it wouldnt have the same power to move you.

It will come to you in another form ..it will move you..exhillarate you and titilate you ..but but but on its on terms . And boy are those terms tough..but yes it can be done..it can be repeated ..provided you seek that and that alone.

You cant superficially fool it ..u cant buy it...u have to keep improving urself in the hope that someday that expierance will oblige you ...And wait for its mercy..

And maybe that expierance will take pity on you and consider you worth the while to move you..Till then just ait and raise urself...thats all you can do and thats all u must do..If you really ant it ...that is..

Characteristics of hapiness...

Nope its not about pursuit of Naomi Cambell ..and then it may be also. In

keeping with my original goal of doing what makes me happy...I was

thinking as to what is it that makes me happy?Can I put it in some format of

thought? Can I build a set with it..?What are the characterisics of my

hapiness?Hmm..lets list it out..

1. Process as opposed to object- My hapiness has the characteristics of process

not an object. The difference is important. Because an object has very different

characteristics to that of a process in the sense that a process is dynamic while

an object is static.Neither is superior but then the essence of a process is that it

keeps changing shape and form and the bar keeps shifting.

2. Means - As far as my on hapiness is concerned..it shoudlnt come at the cost

of someone elses. I will not as far as possible try occupying someone elses

fields ..rather I will try to grow my own plants . This may seem as a rather

altrusitic point till one sees it only as common sense. If I tread on thers

happiness not only I create an enemy but I waste my resources trying to get

someone elses pants..which of course may not fit me properly.

3. Beauty- This is the final and the motive behind hapiness. If I find no beauty in the particular hapiness then there will be disharmony. Satyam Shivam sundaram ...Truth alone is beautiful .What is not beautiful is not the truth. And what is not truth is transient and hence is incapable of giving last hapiness. In a way this IS the final basis...The only basis. And beauty can exist in a spoonful of caviar or in Naomi Campbell ;)

Why dont you keep shut? you think you are too smart? Dont ask stupid questions. There is no answer . Thats known only to God. We are not suposed to ask such questions. Wat makes u think everything has a logic? Faith and trust makes the world go around. Someday you will grow up. Why dont you get married? Marriage will reform you. You need a girl not logic. Everything cant be explained by science. Shut up.

Morality and immorality...

Sometimes back I had an interesting conversation regarding some reality TV show called "Emotional Atyachar". In case you are from mars..this is a programme based on partners cheating on each other...! The discussion turned tangential to actual programme and someone made a comment "thats so immoral"...! Somehow post that discussion the pharse kept banging on my head "thats so immoral"...hmmm...interesting...!

So lets discuss immorality..

What is immoral? By what we set "moral" standards? Where is the reference for morals? Who defines what is immoral? Society, Religion or is there an absolute set of morals that we just "know". Do we just "know" that murder is immoral or we consider murder immoral because society as a majority sets the standards..?
For example what would be the morality of cannibalism in a cannibalistic society? Will eating a fellow human being be considered "immoral" in such a society? Will a cannibal "know" that a human kebab is "immoral"?
By that example wouldnt every society have its own "morals"..? Wouldnt that make morals a relative term rather than an absolute standard?
And if morals are so shifty that they change on geographical uprooting..what makes them sacred ? Why are we so after such a thing that is so so relative?
Why do we base our life on such morals?
Would it not be better to base our judgement on say something like "power"..?
Wouldnt it be nice if we just hand over our rule book to the guy with the biggest gun? Because then the "morality" would be backed by "power" and not arbritary standards? If the guy says its moral..it is..otherwise face the gun?

Wait a minit..isnt that what its all about?

What we call "society" is a set of people who have a hierarchial structure and the biggest guy sets the morals , isnt it? Call it the King, Parliament or Pope. Isnt it all about the "guy with the biggest gun"?
And whats the point of having morals without punishment? So who decides the punishment ? Again the guy who "can"..voila ..the "guy with the biggest gun"...
So at the end of the day its not about an absolute standard but a "jiski laathi uski bhains"...manual for morals.
Funny isnt it ? how we base our lives on the diktats of the guy with the "laathi"...
Hillarious to be feeling so sacred about it....!

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde ;)

trying...

Trying hard to be a good ..trying hard to be bad

trying hard to be happy..trying hard to be sad..

..trying hard to laugh..trying hard to cry.

trying hard to welcome..trying hard to say "bye"...

trying hard to learn...trying hard to unlearn..

trying hard to be soft ..trying hard to be stern..

trying hard to remember ..trying hard to forget...

trying hard to imbibe...trying hard to beget..

trying hard to listen..trying hard to be deaf..

trying hard to be flexible..trying hard to be stiff..

trying hard to be blind..trying hard to see..

trying hard to live ,,and trying hard to die.....

a day ..that day

There will be a day when I will wake up..

shake the day and say to it..get up..

There will be a day when I will speak slowly..

and no one will tell me to raise my voice..

There will be a day that I will try to hold the dew drops on leaves..

and they will not break..

There will be a day when the sun sets on my palms..

and will make my hands red with its color..

There will be a day when I will be able

to pull the blue curtains of the sky to my windows...

I will wait for that day..for maybe when it comes..

I will be ready..

And then that will be the day I will sleep ..

and never ever will any one wake me up...

River Rafting -Chamoli to Rishikesh

1. Day 1-(10 Mar 10) The expedition team left Dehli at 0600 by bus towards Rishikesh. A light breakfast at Muzafurpur on the way was oragised at Chital Restaurant where members freshened up . The campsite (base) at Sivpuri was reached at 1415 hrs . A nutritious lunch at 1430 hrs was followed by a briefing by the guides and a swim across the river . Training in basic raft handling and gears were also imparted . The session folded up at 1700 hrs followed by light snacks and tea. In the evening a campfire was lit where we were joined by some other civilians who were a part of the camp at Shivpuri. Rounds of songs and discussions around the campfire were followed by some serious tips by the organisers ,Neeraj Dahiya and Sanjeev , on safety and camp rules.Dinner was served at 2115 hrs and we retired for the night.

2. Day 2-(11Mar 10) The day started with a volleyball match at 0630 hrs and breakfast at 0830 hrs . The team started for the site of launch of rafting (a few kms ahead of a famous stretch called “marine Drive”) .Two teams were created which manned one raft each. The rafts were inflated and prepared by the team themselves and put into water at 0930. The rafting teams in this stretch negotiated some rapids of grade 2-4 like “wall”, “three blind mice’ and “investment”. The most memorable of the rapids was the “Wall” which threw all of the members (from both rafts) into the swirling rapids.

The base camp (shivpuri)was reached at 1330 hrs . A well deserved lunch followed by rest till 1700 hrs put the team in a rejuvenated mode for volleyball matches in the evening. Campfire discussions were filled with animated discussions on the “wall” and what happened to each member after the “flipping “ of the rafts. An “antakhari” between the members of two rafts saw a melodious closing in for the night.

3. Day 3- This day was the drive from Rishikesh to Chamoli. The drive took around 8 hrs to reach a place called “Gauchar” which was supposed to be our base camp . We pitched in our tents and after a short lecture on camp etiquettes we had our dinner and retired for the night.

4. Day 4(13 Mar 10) Start of Expedition.

0810- We move from Gauchar towards chamoli by bus.

0930-Reach Chamoli

0930-1030- Preparation of gears and rafts . Warming up and stretching exercises by OiC and Guides.

1030- Breif Puja followed by flag Off of the two rafts carrying 12 members plus the two guides (in all)

Rapids encountered- Apart from many small rapids we encountered two major ones “KrishnaPrayag-1” and “KrishnaPrayag-2”.

1230- Stand easy break on the river with fruits and chocolates (from the dry bag)

1300- Start for Gauchar

1410- Reach Gauchar Camp site.

Lunch and rest followed by Evening games and Campfire.

5. Day 5(14 Mar 10)

0930- Packing up of Camp and preparation of rafts followed by rafting towards Rudraprayag.

1230- Stand easy on river bank

1330- Reach the Sumerpur Camp(off Rudraprayag Town by 5 kms) and hoist the raft to the camp. This was done so that we could skip a rapid called “Kakad fall” which was a dangerous one and is not attempted by a raft of this size because of the low width of the rapid. The raft was supposed to be taken by vehicle a few kms ahead of the fall from which rafting again could start.

1330-1430 Lunch followed by rest.

1600- The team visited the town of Rudraprayag (famous as the meeting point of Mandakini and Alaknanda). Highlights of the visit included a walk across a market called “Achanak Market”.

6. Day 6(15 Mar 10) The day started with a “shramdaan” at 0700 hrs in which the team carried out cleanship of the place by picking up plastic waste which was left over by tourists around our campsite.

0900- Leave Sumerpur by Vehicle towards Rudraprayag and reach in half an hour

0930 – Start rafting from Rudraprayag

1130- Reach the temple of Dhari Mata by raft and hoist raft out so as to skip the stretch in which a dam was being built.

1230- Travel by Road to Srinagar

1430 –Start by Raft from Srinagar towards Bagban

1615- Reach Bagban

Breif break followed by an interesting game (with paddles)by our guide Chotak, kept the teams engaged till campfire and dinner

7. Day 7(16 Mar10)-

1000- Start from Bagban

1230- Reach Dev Prayag(confluence of Bhagirathi and Alaknanda). Visit the temple of Gangamata.

1330- Lunch

1400- Start for Kodiali by raft.

Enroute the still waters provided us with an opportunity for testing our strength as guides and also for some kayaking tips .

1730 – Reach Kodiali and have tea at the stall there. Hoist the rafts to the banks . While guides camp at Kodialli we move to the base camp at shivpuri.

8. Day 8(16 Mar10)-

1000- Start from Bagban

1230- Reach Dev Prayag(confluence of Bhagirathi and Alaknanda). Visit the temple of Gangamata.

1330- Lunch

1400- Start for Kodiali by raft.

Enroute the still waters provided us with an opportunity for testing our strength as guides and also for some kayaking tips .

1730 – Reach Kodiali and have tea at the stall there. Hoist the rafts to the banks . While guides camp at Kodialli we move to the base camp at shivpuri.

9.Day 9 (17 Mar 10)

0815- Start from Shivpuri camp towards Kodialli

0930- Start from Kodiali on rafts

Enroute towards Shivpuri we encountered rapids such as “roller Coaster” , “Initiation” and of course our greatest nemesis “Wall”.

Our determination and grit came to the fore during the “wall” rapid when none of the rafts “flipped” despite the force of the water.

1330- Reach Shivpuri camp and have lunch

1415- Start for Rishikesh

En Route we do a jump from cliff before Risshikesh

1700- Reach tapovan and Culminate the expedition to the cries of “Jai Ganga Maata ki”

10. Day 10(18 Mar 10)- Visit to Haridwar

11. Day 11(19 Mar 10)- Return trip to Delhi

Ever been thre?

humne dekhi hai
un aankhon ki mehakti khushboo
haath se chhoo ke
ise rishton ka ilzaam na do....

sirf ehsaas hai ye
rooh se mehsoos karo
pyaar ko pyaar hi rehne do
koi naam na do......

Parthasarathy Vs Kapaleswar

I had the oppurtunity to visit two sacred shrines at Chennai , the Vashnavite Temple of Partha Sarthy and the shaivaite Temple of Kapaleswar. Ravi accompanied me and took pains to explain the differing philosophies of both sects that revere the temples respectively..

Parthasarthy- This is the epitome of Vaishnavite culture and I could identify with it. Mostly because my family comes from a line of Vishnu worshippers . The temple was as usual spic and span and most rituals were similar to ones we did at our village . It was kind of home coming for me and as I sat in the courtyard I could not but marvel at the whole ambience of shlokas and worship..but somehow I felt that this was not something that I really identified with. I mean the vaishnava way of things. It sounded very polished and smooth. Fussy if you ask me...I waited for the next temple ..Kapaleshwar.

Kapaleswar- This is an opposing philosophy and that stood out immediately. And somehow immediately I felt that this was something which is closer to who I am. Shiva is a pretty cool god ..if you ask me and this "coolness" exudes in the temple. There is no unnecessary ceremony..and it struck me that this culture was a more "heart" culture than the refinement of Vishnu. To tell u the truth ,u cant help but fall in love with Shiva at the first sight. I dont really know why but as an aethiest i shud be denouncing Shaivaite culture ...but its difficult not to love him.Nice chap ...no fuss...everyone allowed..music dance(He is the lord of the arts) and there is an aura of casual acceptance. It was as if somehow He will accept you as you are..dirty,messy, uncouth..whatever.

Added to it are his sons Ganesh(i have yet to meet anyone who doesnt ike him) and Karthikeyan(I dont personally like him..chikna smartie). Awesome if u ask me..

maybe if I was given a choice I would choose shiva over Vishnu anyday...

Holi-dry-day

Holi has memories for everyone...

But I remember a particular incident that happened eons ago ...the thing that makes this incident stand out is the "out of box" solution that one my freinds thought of...

Holi in our locality was a semi community affair..Which meant that everyone had the free license to do whatever he/she wanted. Like all localities ..this was a free for all and lurking romances and unrequited advances had a ball..

I had a bum chum pal, Toni Arora, naturalised Oriya Punju(yeah that specis exists). And we were the anti-holi brigade . It was a party that owes its existance to destruction of our carefully kept comics at the hand of a "holi-vandal"(basically ..our Phantom Comics were covered with unmentionable colors thanks to indiscriminate "color-Playing"..but that story some other time)..

Now since we were the only two members and had failed to solicit any other citizens ...We had to take the ocassion of holi as a kind of propaganda(kind of Valentine day syndrome for Shiv sena)..So we decided that we wud stay "dry" come wat may ..It was a matter of principle after all.

But that presented us a problem. If we stayed at home ..our well meaning parents would force us to join the "celebrations" ...and moving around was rift with danger (baloons ...sprays..and the similar missiles). After discussions at a very high level(on the third floor terrace ..that was high enuf)..we decided that moving around was a better option(We knew that parents are a stubborn lot and taking a panga with them meant serious implications like "no mahabharat" for some weeks and that was unthinkable).

But how do we move around ? Cycling gave us speed but the area of attack of a spray was large and how could we escape inadvertant advances..

This is where Toni proved that he was a genius. His solution was simple,elegant and effective...

Raincoats.

How could I have missed that ? My admiration for Toni touched the Mount Everest. Freind, I am blessed to have such a genius as a freind.

But was it effective?

Yes It was ...Infact we both moved around in Raincoats (he had an yellow one and I had a dirty green) the entire day and managed to stay dry. Of course ,ignorant idiots were laughing on both of us for the entire day..but what the heck. Some where a man has to take a stand.

I have lost touch with Toni but If I meet him today,one of the first questions I am going to ask him .."Did u try this idea anytime later ?"

;)

The worlds second biggest hoax- Marriage

After religion mariage must be the hoax that everyone wants to believe. Each day I am convinced that marriage is a lose lose game . And I do not say it with the victory smile of a bachelor but with the wisdom of seeing closely as to how marriages are working out nowadays. People are so concerned about "working out" the marriage that they forget that marriage was designed for pleasure . If you are working at making something "just work" then whats the difference between your job and marriage..now now..please do not give me that sagely smile. I have just realised that married guys know as much about marriage as a bachelor..!

I have come to this belief that somehow the institution of marriage has run out of steam and logic. There is no need for marriage and the time has come for such a losing proposition to die its own natural death.

What I feel that like religion we shall soon run out of people "who believe in marriages" and then the world will be a happier place. Because of this unreasonable belief we have fights and ugly scenes. I would suggest that there are a few ways by which marriage itself should become redundant..And thats by providing the few factors which are the plus points for marrying. These are factors which are right now speeding up the death of marriage and rightly so..

Since men and women have different goals from marriage lets start by separating those . Ladies first ..So here we go!

1. Financial Security- More than companionship women marry so that they can die a decent death. By decent I mean the fact that it shouldnt be an insulting one. Penury is every womans worst nightmare (hence the term of diamonds being a girls best freinds). With women slowly being financially independant the reason for marriage is slowly dying its own natural death.

2. Companionship- With women every thing is a "deal". If you give them something they will give u back something. Same with the companionship factor. We shall see later in this article that a man is driven by very different factors and hence his "companionship" giving factor decreases as age goes by. Earlier , companionship was the only "entertainment" available and hence mariage was necessary. But with technical advances the need for such "entertainment" for men is easily available and hence they tend to draw away from the old hags they ar married to....And since each relationship is a deal women tend to do the "pro quid pro" bring the "companionship" debate to a rther inglorious end.

3. Care- Care is now not a emotional currency. Its a monetary one. Given enough money a stranger will care for you as much as your spouse. We hate to admit it but somewhre professional health care is right now becoming afforadable and that will hereald the death of dependancy on spouse..

Men ...as far as your reasons go..

1. Sex- Yep , admit it. Thats the first thing that went through your mind . Not good enough for marriage. Men are naturally too sexually active to stay with one woman. Its only the promise of regular sex that kind of keeps them leashed. However with sex being readily available , this leash is wearing thin. And whatever a woman might eulogise about "fidelity"..sexual fidelity is like "duh" for a man. As sex becomes readily available marriage wont be something that will be worth it.Plus one can and does get sex from living in..as close you get from marriage.

2. Food- Now thats a point that needs no explaination. Wit more and more women washing their dainty hands off the dishes "ghar ka khaana" is extinct. Look at it from a mans perspective ..if the food is cooked by a servant and sex is easliy available , would it be prudent for a man to stay or even contemplate marriage?

3. Ego Massage- Although its a very slippery point..ego of a man needs pampering. Hoever that doesnt come free in marriage . It comes with a lot of excess baggage which a man can do without. Earlier the man wasnt working so much. But nowadays one does get this ego massage from work place itself..

Religion died with coming of science and so will too this rather redudant practice of hitching together disparate individuals and convincing them that fighting everyday is the "best for society". I think the society wud be a much more peacefull , happy and free place without this forcible and often painfull act.

Na ye Zameen thi..The arroagance of it!

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha
na chaand taaron ka hi
nishaan tha
magar ye sach hai ke
un dino bhi
tera mera pyaar
yoon hi jawaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha
na chaand taaron ka hi
nishaan tha
magar ye sach hai ke
un dino bhi
tera mera pyaar
yoon hi jawaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha

chale kahaan se
kahaan pe aaye
khumaar ban ke
jahaan pe chhaaye

chale kahaan se
kahaan pe aaye
khumaar ban ke
jahaan pe chhaaye

nibhaayi rasm e wafa kuchh aise
muhabbaton ke chaman khilaaye
na kaise aasaan hoti manzil
har ek armaan naujawaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha
na chaand taaron ka hi
nishaan tha
magar ye sach hai ke
un dino bhi
tera mera pyaar
yoon hi jawaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha

hum hi ne taaron ko roshni di
hum hi ne phoolon ko taazgi di
hum hi ne taaron ko roshni di
hum hi ne phoolon ko taazgi di

jidhar se guzre jahaan bhi thehre
har ek zarre ko zindagi di
kuchh is mein dil ki tadap thi shaamil
khuda bhi kuchh hum pe meharbaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha
na chaand taaron ka hi
nishaan tha
magar ye sach hai ke
un dino bhi
tera mera pyaar
yoon hi jawaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha

nazar mein phoolon bhari hain raahen
khushi se rangeen hain nigaahen
nazar mein phoolon bhari hain raahen
khushi se rangeen hain nigaahen

suno to kuchh keh rahi hai hum se
bahaar phaila ke apni baahen
idhar se guzroge ek din tum
naseeb aisa mera kahaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha
na chaand taaron ka hi
nishaan tha
magar ye sach hai ke
un dino bhi
tera mera pyaar
yoon hi jawaan tha

na ye zameen thi
na aasmaan tha

aa..aa..
ho..ho..

It is a romantic number from the film Sagaai which was released in the year 1966. Direction of the film was done by S D Narang. This love song is in the voice of Mohammad Rafi and is written by Rajinder Krishan.

This song is something that has struck me as one of the most romantic lyrics I ever had a chance to hear. Especially the line ..

"Humine taaron ko roshini di, humine phoolon ko taazgi di.."

Look at the sheer audacity of love in these two line . The unabashadness and pomp striking through..Isnt it beautiful .? the Pride of love in those two lines underlines the soul of the song..

The love that it proclaims is not really on its knees ..Its not a love of surrender..Its not a whimpering love.

Its a love that stands proudly almost arrogantly on its own ...on the face of any kind of storm and either breaks down or attains glory...

Nice

Memory of my melancholic Whores..

Now that I have got your attention..Let me elaborate that title a bit. Thats a book by Nobel Laureate Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
The title is a giveaway..Its actually about "Melancholic Whores". But the catch here is that the patron is a 90 year old man.

He wants a virgin as a gift for himself on his ninetieth b'day. Somehow his pimp manages a 14 year old virgin. And he so falls in love with her sleeping figure that he never gets to wake her up or make love to her...

What is amazing about reading the novel that such a crass tale of lechery is uplifting and beautiful when described in all honesty. The delicacy of the moments and the underlaying tragedy of the situation is something that cannot be done by an ordinary writer. Its only marquez who can transform a cheap porn subject into that of high art..

I guess thats wat differentiates authors. Try reading it some times without any reservations and you will realise what it means to taste world literature..

The joy of a constant pressure pump...

I have the mind set of an electrical engineer and I am stuck in that thinking framework thats typically electrical.
I had no idea of how dogmatic my thinking is till today.

What opened my eyes to that was a constant pressure pump.

The pump was on the shop floor .It was not developing pressure ie around 90 kg....! it was buiding up till 45 kgs and then that was it...no increase.
The technicians were on it..and I walked up to it and saw it all opened up. The plate controlling the pressure is called a swash plate..the plate is basically supposed to vary the area of inlet and outlet pressure.
The crux is the fact that there is supposed to be a feedback that "tells" the swash plate to adjusts itself. And I have this idea that a feedback mechanism is supposed to be an electronic ressistor/ capacitor/inductor that is compared to a set value. The difference is proportional to the "actual" and "designed" difference. Simple.

Not so.

I kept on asking the technicians "where is the feedback mech?"..but all I got was "sir, THIS is the feedback!"..I got so frustrated that I was ready to break my head. Then one of the guys took out the piston attached to the swash plate.

My jaws fell off.

It was a beauty. The "swash" plate was in actuality a piston whose angle could be varried by a set of six piston rods. The head of the piston has a groove which matches the piston inlet outlet. Very finely machined and oil tight.
Metal to metal oil tightness is not quite easy to obtain and this was a marvel.
I stared at it for almost 3 minutes ..feeling its shape and admiring the finely cut groove .

I regretted for the first time that I was not a mechanical engineer. I missed out the joy of touching and "seeing" the marvels that I could have dealt with in that field. Electrical engineering is nice but its "invisible" . Sometimes I miss that visualness of engineering.

The "visualness" of the pump feedback was a nice change from the invisible op amps that my dogmatic mind had envisaged...

Love you, swash plate ;)

PS:The pic on top is only to illustrate the design ..its not as great as the swashplate I saw today

Why honesty?

Apart from the fact that Sister Amelia told me to be honest in one fine moral science class ...I have yet to find a concrete reason to be honest. Concrete from the point of view of morals and ethics..!
Yet as I try and tell people to be honest I must try and find out the motivation for being honest..
Why should one be honest?
That is an interesting question ..! Interesting because every sense in this world tells us that dishonesty pays . You can cheat and get rewards ..what are the rewards of "not cheating". Lets not get into the God bullshit...! What are actually the rewards of being honest in this world?

In answer to the question ...I feel I just know my motivation. I dont know why should you be honest ,I only know why should I be honest ..and I spell them out...

1. Honesty leads to a simple and elegant answer. For example when some one forces you to drink ..you can say "today is tuesday..so i will not drink" ..or you can say.."because I dont feel like". Now which one do you think is simple and elegant? The first answer will make you dishonest to cover it up while the next answer will make life simpler. Similarly if you are honest the things that you need to cover up will be so much less that it will make life simpler and linear. You will forget to tie urself in knots thinking of the next dishonest answer..That is a tangible reward.

2. Honesty makes you realise what is it that you are looking for. Yes thats true. Everytime I give an honest answer I have to rethink my priorities. Its like a mini soliliqy. I talk to myself. What do I want ? The truth is that we are all seeking that answer ..and honesty brings us one step closer. In the earlier example ...the first answer will somehow make me spell out the fact that I really dont like drinking while the other will take me away.

3. Honesty leads to the very thing that you want. Honesty is a step wise process..With every honest answer I realise somthing about my aims in life. Its not just a sidey answer ..Its a profound truth about myself. Its bringing me closer to what makes me happy. If thats not a tangible result , what the hell is?

4. Lastly I am honest because I have seen the benefits of honesty outweighs that of dishonesty in long term. Honesty has made me a happier and a merrier guy with no qualms about my weaknesses or shortcomings. I know precisely what to do because with honesty the answer lies right before my eyes..I do not have to think this way that way...or twist myself. It keeps my mind free to enjoy the beauty before me.

All four points are basically the variation of the same thing. Honesty is simple, less time consuming, more rewarding and makes me happy. Thats it. I am not a God believer but a man believer..So it kind of sits ideally with my faith or rather the lack of it.

I am honest because it benefits me tangibly and not because Sister Amelia told me to be ;)

Singularity of human relationships..

At the cost of sounding noo much of a negative ...or maybe at the cost of sounding too much of a loner. I feel that at the end of the day not only me but everyone else is alone. Alone in the sense that there is a singularity for every relationship..
Which put simply means that there is a breaking point for every relationship..freindhip ,love,lust etc etc. At some point the best of these fail and we should learn to accept that the only thing left with us is ourselves .
I dont argue this point with anyone because then it leads to superflous arguments and stupid cliches ("no man is an island") or even heartfelt suggestions("u shud fing a gal")....! The point of the argument is not getting over solitude ..but enjoying it.

If one looks at it I am not selling this idea to anyone...its just there. If you have the courage to look at it in the face you will see it. Thre is nothing negative about it. Know the singularity of your relationships and learn to accept that even the best laws fail at some point..before you start making tall claims on your near and dear ones...

Happy new year!

This day ..

Swinging between the hopelessness of existence and the reward of living, as I sit , memories flood me.Past present and future..yes future. So here I am where I am ...living and existing both at the same time and both simultaneously not possible. I want my mind to go blank ..just blank. I don't want to think...I want to feel the night . A night where superflous music rocks dumb minds and lulls one into a trance. A trance which is much more peacefull and happy than being and acknowledging what is around...Confusing and comforting. No structure or shape ..an amorphous present . A drug induced stupor of good living and comfortable existance under which lurks the "monsters under the bed of calvin"..Kafka would have been proud.. Jung prouder still...

How can a "new year" change anything? How can any amount of resolutions make us better? How can pretty pink and roses cover the smell of the gutter we call the world? How can we cover up a drain hole and paint it happy?
A room freshner doesnt clear the smell..it masks it. A cosmetic surgery doesnt heal the scars of the ugliness that pervades us...it just covering up. Why are we so concerned with beauty that we fail to adress the grotesqueness beneath..?

Why do we think that a person who show you the mirror is pessimist? Why do we always want to hear good news that we end up killing the messenger?
Why do we like to be fooled over and over again like a CD playing trance over and over...? Why do we behave like morons when we are capable of standing face to face with all the guts and gore?
Why are we scared of the truth till it sits on our head?

Why do we celebrate new year when nothing in us changes...nothing?



Random thoughts on a random day we choose to call the new year eve....