Pebbles...

The stone unwashed and unkempt almost tries to become a diamond but stops midway between gasps of terrified breaths, terrified of the horror of remaining just an ordinary stone, carrying on the baggages of the moss that has grown upon him, obviously encouraged by his inability to refuse to play host when he should have been shaking them off, of his inability to refure a gratitude with that of further bonhomie and silently dragging the cares that has been laid without a care for his concern,his hapiness and his joys especially in face of the other stones who have been born diamonds, without the tremendous pressure of trying to become so despite the ordinariness of their origin, to profoundly reflect , not the world that they are grown in but the world they want to grow up into, albeit, nay despite the stickiness of mundaneness that calls out its cries , so piercing and so discordant, painfull yet unignorable, a magnetic pull in the direction the stone wants to go, with its own logic tha...

One day as me and Pradeep were just talkin on some random subjects ..He came across with this weird view as to why do girls remain unmarried beyond a certain age and more importantly why is it so important in terms of girls...i mean no one asks a man that why is he unmarried as long as he is financially and socially secure. The answers to both these questions were what took most of our time. Infact pradeep had carried out a survey of a matrimonial site which had ads for girls above 30. And he found this common characteristic in almost all girls of this set... a. Almost all of them were ugly- This is a view I agree with. An ugly girl is difficult to love and even more difficult to marry. I care two hoots about "beauty" of heart ...only for the reason that its very difficult to see. Skin deep beauty is convinient option. The only sad part is that as girls grow older they grow uglier and an intelligent girl is one who gets married young when age is supporting her. b. Earning but...

Someday I will worry about life..some day,not today! Someday I will be all sensitive and get hurt..not today ! Some day I will rue life as I see it..no not today... Someday I will see more trash than quality...no no not today Someday I will not be happy with the sunrise... Someday I will sit and add the plusses and minus the minnusses.. Someday I will say "life is a pain".. Some day , some day I will do all of that and shed tears at lost causes.. Maybe some day..but not today..for I am busy Busy with today , come back some day later and just maybe I will do all of that ..someday ===Piyush

I , of , late have started thinking differently about so called "stereotypes". Every day I hear how so and so is not the stereotypical Professor or Student or Mother or Aunty or father...! I hear how so and so thinking is so stereotypical..How stereotypes destroy relationships...!! I do know about others but my expierance about this word is far from the hate almost everyone feels for it. I do not think "stereotype" is a bad word. It is a limiting word ..dividing men and women into neat sets and classifications ..sometimes even conditioning human thinking..but no...its not a dirty word. Its a word that has logic and experience behind it. Scratch the surface of most relationships, human beings and ideas and you will find a stereotype. Even those who strongly seem to defy "stereotyping" are at the base exactly stereotypical. As we grow older we realize a lot of things that we were foolish about. As I have grown and thought and yes..seen a lot of things...I ha...

If you are in mumbai you cant miss the FM ..neither do u want to miss them. They are pretty much fun. I was listening to fm and just strolling around ...two programmes that ran back to back kind of got me thinking in two different ways.. Programme no 1 was a talk show about "if you can forgive your partner for infidelity ...?'. It was a busy show. People calling from all over. There were opinions galore. Some ppl felt that women forgive more than men..that if you are an independent woman you will never forgive...There was this woman who called up and said that she was on verge of a "drifting" affair when her hubby talked to her and forgave her...! To tell u the truth the best part of listening to all these shows is the fact that how women can talk crap so charmingly....! Its so very difficult for a woman to talk honestly ..I wonder if they get orgasmic just hearing their own voice..!  Then one guy called up. Sudhanshu or sum name like that..He said some thing that wa...

Technically raigad is not a trek but a easy climb. But for lack of better words...it will be called a trek. Pradeep and me decided that we need to do sumthing over the weekend...Pradeep is a Phd scholar at iit and hence naturally busy with his duties and all. ...I am caught up with fewer things. But we decided we must do this.  Plan banaya..consulted a few guys like vivek who had done it before.  Booked an ST ticket for three to a base village called Pachad(the third one was for AD ..and the idiot ditched us last minute). Tickey 138 rupees each , bus is Borivali-Shandoshi ..leaves kurla at 11 ..in night. Me and pradeep hop in to local and get there by 1030..kill time. Bus arrives at 1130. 5 hrs ride to Pachad...and boy is it cold.  en route at mahad we get down for a break and the bus rushes ahead..Pradeep is running behind it as our bags are still on it. I try to be cool but i am panickin. We run behind till we dont see the bus..gaya!  thankfully around the corner the bus is filling i...

The reason i am writing this down is so that incase i want to get to harishchandragad again I have a reference.  Me and vivek started on a friday afternoon. We took the local to Kalyan got down at the local station for ST to Khube. The bus station(ST) is right across the local station so it was just hoppin across.  The bus we took was for NAGAR(the route is Ahmednagar Route) . Starts around 5ish. Met the conductor with an attitude . But overall reached Khubi at around 8. Searched for a guest house(look at us ..8 o clock in night and searching for a place to sleep in a unknown village). Found one. Owner was in underpants and a nice panch with a cap(you have to be well dressed in hotel industry). There was a hint of flesh at the place where his naada had slipped off the underwear to reveal around 10% of his bum..(but since we really are not into all this we will ignore the details). Anyway got a room for 200 bucks per night. Atleast the room had a western toilet cum bathroom so we had nu...

there are some people you come across in your life those keep on smiling. While I am all for cheerfull disposition I hate to see meaningless smiles. I mean how the hell does one keep on smiling without any rhyme or reason. ..? Thats what surprises me. The best part of the fact is that I have seen that the most useless of people have this perpetual smile. Unemployed, without income, totally without skills or knowledge and absolutely not a care in the world..these are the people who smile the most. The kind of smile a rickshawwala gives in small towns ..or the kind of smiles guys gossipin on roads give..the kind thats given by villagers when they see a big car pulling up. I sometimes feel ..what the fuck are you happy about?How can you be so happy wasting your life and yet enjoying it? How can ignorance be so blissfull? Dont get me wrong, i am not against smiling...but the reason for a smile is as important as smiling itself. I for example see nothing great in smiling at trouble of other...

Ever faced with the situation in which you are sleepy at around six in evening..? And you succumb..then you get up at 10 in night...? whole night before you and you are fresh as daisy.... Yucky Its seriously the most sick "normal" feeling because of three things.. 1. You are groggy and fresh at the same time.. 2. everyone is sleeping and you cant share your "day" with anyone else.. 3. You know the next day is going to be hell because you will sleep late tonight..and get up groggy next morning for work...and you also know how the next day is going to turn up... Whats worse than sleeping at 6...sleeping at 4 in afternoon and getting up at 8 or 10...its seriously the worst thing you can do to yourself. No wonder maa used to tell me that one should never sleep during "godhuli"...godhuli means basically cow-dust..the time when cows return home... Sometimes its better to listen to maa....

How many people amoungst us live a lie?....Even if you are the first to shout "not me" ....its not really true. Very few amongst us live life as they feel like. While a majority of us go about acting an act. We act act act and then act some more. Our emotions are dependent on our profit motives. For example we tolerate insults from our bosses because we get paid by him...while we shower the same on our juniors just because we think its the right act....There are people who act as if they adore their wife while they detest them there are people who wud rather kill their brothers but open their arms for him...There are lovers who make the right number of sighs and swoons but walk away in times of need...There are sons who are sons till the pension of dad lasts... We act getttin angry, we act pleased , we act happy..We act so much that when we want to return to our true emotions it becomes difficult. Its very confusing when one realises that in the trade-off this "act"...

Whats square root of -1? Even if u had basic maths in school , you will realise that its i(defined as square root of negative). Big deal..I have been dealin with this for almost half of my life (being an electrical engineer..i is impossible to escape) But then sometimes I think its fine..but what does i mean in "reality". There are thousands of definations... i is the part of y axis of argand diagram...i means an operation of 90 degree rotation..etc etc.. but just think about this.. i= sqrt(-1) lets  define all this in "reality" 1= as in one ness..one apple , two apple..etc sqrt= operation defining a number multiplied by the same (inverse) -     = subtract(take away) now what does i represent?    where is i in the "real world"? 1 is there, sqrt is there, subtract is there....but where the f$%% is i? first of all is "i" allowed in real numbers? what is it ? I think i know the answer..or maybe its a guess.. There is no "i" in the real wor...

How often do I feel that life has cheated me once again? Not very often ..but yes one does get this feeling that " oh shit! why did all this happen to me?" ...I too get it . Sometimes I feel that why should I face it all when I really havent done any hark knowingly...Most often this feeling comes when som expectation of mine is met with dissapointment. When I feel that I almost have it made and suddenly everything crashes before my eyes for no apparent fault of mine.  It also happens when I have almost a bargian struck and suddenly the bargain gets undone. Its so dissapointing..Infact there used to be times i used to almost get down with depression . Why me ? But as I have grown and matured(hopefully)...I have started getting a bit less jittery over these things . And I owe it to my father....(apart from owing a million other things including his beloved transistor that i broke when i was five). One day as I was mulling over some real emotional hassles , he came over to me an...

I am forever in awe of people who believe in romance..i mean the man-woman kind. Thats because i find it hard to see the genuineness behind it. Why? Let me explain... Most of the romances start with the guy being attracted to the girl. Why? Physical beauty is the true reason and beauty of heart is the politically correct one.(Contradiction 1-How can you know the beauty of heart shit before you know a girl? Is she wearing a heart grade sheet on her ?). Sometimes it is often the other way around but the chances are rare..so we neglect the case. Secondly , the guy keeps running behind her. Fulfilling her small wishes till she acknowledges his love and in turn falls in love.(contradiction2- If u can make some one fall in love by just running behind her..is it love or pity?) The girl and boy are now in love . Now she has put some conditions for love. He should not smoker, drink and be a good boy. (contradiction 3- Love is the alternate way for reform school? or maybe a juvenile delinquent s...

What have i learnt from the life i have lived till now? I am fairly old and have gone through a great life till now. I have had expierances that most people dream about. I am yet to have a lot of expierances that i dream about. ..but sometimes when I collate whatever life has taught me till now, i can gather a few pearls of wisdom that i woudnt have learnt had life been a bit softer with me..! Today i thought that I would put down in words what i think are the biggest thruths in my life. If you have good freinds half of life's problems are solved.I am fortunate because i have great freinds. Great in the way that i feel comfortable with them stripped down to the basics. They may be bit rough around the edges and most of the times they greet me with choiciest of abuses but these are people who are genuine and true. Yes, we may not really be into collective beer baths or bachelor parties , but when i see people in corporate world and the freindships they carry ..i can only say , ...

I am a confirmed heterosexual but there is sumthing about women that actually irritates the shit out of me. The sometimes drive me nuts with their logic and just when u think thats it..they drive it a bit more. I seriously have given up hopes of having a good conversation with a female. Its not that they are intelligent. Its just that they are too intelligent. They think that everything they do or try to do is "right". Right , oh yeah! and who gives them the divine right to define so? Biology i presume , maam? And if they dont understand a thing u are talking they will make it appear that thats the least important thing in the world.(any moron can tell u that laptop IS NOT the least important thing in the world) And they will point that out with their dainty manicured nails that this is the point. What the f$%#$....!!! How holier than thou.. Its always the men that are troubling them. Men are uncouth, mama's boys, dumb dickheads and sex maniacs out to rape every female an...

Day in and day out i hear people tell things in such a way that i cant but marvel at the way they put it across. I mean they speak so randomly as to confuse you. I do not know if its a trait carefully cultivated or a success paradigm or just habbit... Just the other day I was talking to Pradip and asked him about Visual Basic..he took me to his comp and showed me how to get to things...And it really looked so simple. Infact so simple that i wrote a small programme in it. Contrast this to wat i asked another freind of mine "what is visual Basic"..his reply.."Well its a front end tool ..and very limited one".. "Can you show me how to use it?".. his answer.."Arrey yaar there are so many great books on it...i had made so and so project on that during my college days..." "Can u show me how to use it"... ....Blank... Whom do i appreciate more? A guy who is cool enuf to spend his time on teaching me or some one who tries to impress me with his...

I believe in the power of truth. It has come to me not in a day but in some twenty eight years of living. I do not know if I am being stupid or unnecessarily idealistic but somewhere deep down inside me , I believe that if I am speaking the truth I have nothing to fear.  There have been a lot of instances in my life where I have seen that if you are armed with truth you can win lots of battles. While that does not mean you become naive and simple, it simply means that if you want to win , you should side the truth. Even if things look drab and dark in short term , standing by the truth will ultimately make you the winner... Now one can say that we got many versions of the truth..which one to stand for?...I would suggest you stand for the truth your heart believes in. Not by logic but by faith. If I believe that giving alms to beggers is bad..that is the truth to me. How does that matter if some one believes otherwise..

I wrote this poem on a peice of napkin sittin at my fav restaurant , Piccadily, Colaba. What prompted it was a glass that the waiter dropped and broke...What made it more tragic was that the glass contained my iced tea..Such is life.Enjoy the poem Everything breaks.. Day breakes, nights break.. The flow of time breaks.. Illusions break , they painfully break.. relations break, they so painfully break.. Men break, women break.. Children,oh they do break... The coastline breaks, the oceans break.. The truth breaks and so does the lies... The water breaks, and so  does the skies... Love breaks, rage breaks.. The play breaks, so does the stage... ..and how do they.. ..and how do they... With a crack, a whimper and a whisper... with a limp and a swagger.. But they do break... and how they break... to leave behind the debris .. Of a new begining.. Of a new bond and of a new break

As I saw the bihar floods on TV and my freinds expressed their sympathy at the pithy state of people being marooned , without food , almost barely existing... Almost surprisingly I was smirking. The only thought in my mind was "serves them right"... Why? before you accuse me of being a sadist let me explain why do I feel no sympathy for this kind of administrative failure. I will start with a few examples. Bihar floods- The floods started because of lack of co-ordination and urgency shown by both Nepal and Bihar. However the blame comes on to Bihar because it stood (and has) to suffer the slap. That the administration has failed to deliver is an open secret. That people have been let down is the major war cry . Fine all that is great on the years...But but but.. Let me dwell on the major culprit of this tragedy. Its not the CM , its the people of bihar. Day in and day out by a selective caste based democratic weeding they have consistently favoured caste and religion over eff...

Dialogue writing is such a difficult art. Its like making the perfect biryani. If its good its barely noticable if its bad its stinks. The stink spoils the entire table.  Thankfully films like "rock on" have dialogues that err..rock. The beauty of the film should have ideally been the music but its the dialogues that steal the thunder. I sometimes wonder how do these guys get into heads of people..? I mean its not easy to write like people think. I have been trying my best to write a peice of sentence thats not lifted from already existing literature.... Especially the interaction between aditya and his wife...Maaannn!!! This is one original peice of talk that hits on your face. I sympatize with aditya ..while i also know that even his wife is right.  Women have a logic so twisted that its easy to dismiss them as crazy but even they are convinced that they are  right. Not only that they try to convince others about their "right" path. They want the "whole"...

I would like to believe in an innocent world . A world where things are fair, where dogs are cute, where people are generally nice and well meaning ...where workers are self motivated and capitalists are philanthropists. I would love to believe in a world which believes in love , where people fall in love and stay in love , where emotions are pure and clean...!! I would love to believe ..provided its real. The fact is that this is not true. The world with all its jagged edges is not fair. Everyone realises it . But the most disgusting fact is that some people refuse to acknowledge it and continue to advertise and sell their concept of a pink pink strawberry world to the gullible lot who really dont mind getting mentally spoonfed. What makes the offer even more smelly is that these sales guy/girls are themselves a product of the real world and practice exact opposite of what they preach. But the most dangerous people are not these salesmen..the most dangerous are the idiots who buy thes...

I used to laugh at people when they talk of life altering expierances....It always used to be the logic that how can one incident alter fundas that have taken years to built. Now I am wiser...(hopefully) An expierance CAN alter the perspective you see things with. It can turn a view by 180 degrees and set you on a course which you may not have even envisaged in your wildest dreams. It can make a conservative out of a liberal..it can turn u an atheist from a believer and set you on a totally different tangent. The expierance can be personal or collective ..but i have seen that its personal one that changes ppl most. Something deep down turns about and voila he /she is a changed person. The change may not be visisble or tangible but manifests itself in subtle gestures..which can be noticed on inspection. Something tells me that even I have changed a lot in years..I hope its for the better ;)

Sometimes when I think as to can I define myself as todays generation..I am cornered by the idea as to what this generation means and what are its value systems. Although its all very convinient to dismiss all "new" generation as all fart and no shit..It takes only a minute of introspection to find out that there is no homogenity in todays generation to warrant such generalisations.. Come to think of it , todays generation is more democratic in arts and culture scene. Our best directors of late have been the new blood, so have been music composers, painters, sculptors . Our best businessmen have been new blood ...But despite that there is a great divide even within this confidant lot... The divide of viewing the way of the west. Here there are two categories. One who believe and live in the western space. They act and believe wholeheartedly in the western scene. They are convinced that the india around them can be ignored. However they are also contributing to th...

Today as with all Independence Days and with all indians..I got up ..put on my collection of hindi patriotic songs, pinned a tricolor to my door, adjusted the flag stand on my car and maybe wished a few freinds in MHADA and IIT ..a happy I-Day (thru sms ..wat else..u expect me to go over to them..!!?) and that ended my duty towards all the idiots who gave me the chance to breathe in free air. It ended and summed up my devotion to a country I am supposed to love. It freed me,an average Indian, from the moral and ethical responsibility of spitting on the roads , pillaging govt property, Ogling at the PYT at the bus stand, picking my nose in public,abusing infront of children, bossing over my juniors and super sychopancy to my seniors. It freed me to think narrowly on religious lines, kicking the street dog, sniggering at the over full wards in govt hospitals, buying my way through a traffic violation, watering the roadside grass with urea and bile, lazing around, giving and taking graft...

There are times I hear very very cliched lines coming from quarters that make me throw up. Thats because of the fact that somehow it really doesnt fit in the person. Or sometimes the whole situation seems so bloody cliched that you question the genuineness of the entire scenario... Lets take a "cliched" situation. Girlfreind/Boyfreind.Scenery one. ( we assume that the boy smokes) . Freinds sitting in a cafe ..Boy casually starts smoking-----> Girlfreind Gets angry----> Boy is scared of his girl-----> Mock fight---->Boy admits that although he is machoest man(is there a word like that??)the the girl Controls his life---> Girl is still angry but now is coy because she has proven her "right" over him..(the end) More often than not this situation is played out to an audience...Where the audience applauds the act(instant gratification). Society in general expects such a scene(expectation). However there is an element of randomness in which one of the...

Electronics goods (esp laptops and smart phones) are some things that make me happy...I mean i do not count myself amongst "geeks" but I am sure u understand when i speak of expierancing the happiness of running ur eyes over the sleek lines ..well placed buttons ...the glazed screen..bright smart applications ....ooohhh....!! U get the idea I guess.. Today I went to buy a "cheap" alternate phone and bought an expensive one(well..not that expensive) ..proving once again that love is blind. But I think its worth buying sumthing u like rather than burning in its desire (as long as u do not burn a king size hole) . I have regretted not buying what my heart desired as far as my lappy was concerned. I always feel maybe with 5 grands more..i would have been happier..!! but then there is a school of thought which says "you can never be satisfied with electronics"...be that as may..I feel there is a platue level of "electronic happiness".... I m right n...

I do not know if anyone has escaped a high fever but there is an expierance i would like to write about here before i forget it(something like a early dream)...! A few days i "caught" malaria falciparum ...Pretty sneaky fever and sneakier parasite. Apart from the severe chill and pain there was something else which i expieranced. I realised that when the fever was at the highest ..I got severely depressed. The world suddenly looked so dark and forbidding. Everything was really really negative. I was convinced that I would fail in whatever I was doing. My rents would be unpaid. My grades would come down...I would be handicapped. In short my deepest fears became magnified and projected themselves...To say i was suicidal would be an extreme but suddenly i lost interest in life. It was as if there was no point in living .... Its funny recalling all this now but then the feelings seemed so real . Maybe the whole atmosphere was more darkened by the fact that it was pretty overcast ...

Directors like Abbas tyrewala make me proud of the fact that i belong to a country which has bollywood ....! Jaane tu ..is a film which is nice ,wonderfully , "differently " written and directed by a person who can write the truth in all its myriad forms. He is not infalliable neither can he be always right. He will most likely make pretty rotten movies but not today. Today he made me proud that India has such wonderfull talent . The film is not too much on story as much as its on the little nuances that jump at you when you least expect it pull you hard and leave you breathless and refreshed at once . The freshness of the treatment spills into the interaction between the dead Naseeruddin shah and Ratna Pathak. Its brave , amazing and just the sense of humour which was missing till now in majority of the shit that goes around. Most of the scenes are so well crafted that I feel that its difficult to single out any but what hit me host were the the interaction between between t...

0 1 2 1a 1a' 1b 1b' 1c 1c' 1d 1d' 1e 1e' if 1f' 3A 3B 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 1a 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1a' 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1b' 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1c 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 1c' 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 0 0 1d 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 1d' 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 0 0 1e 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 1e' 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.5 0.5 0 0 if 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.9 0.1 1f' 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.1 0.9 3A 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 3B 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 THERE IS A SLIGHT MISTAKE IN THE DIAGRAM STATE 1 IS MARRIED STATE (NOT "UNMARRIED "AS THE DIA SHOWS..) This is the Markov table of the marriage process. ...