How does one react..

I used to laugh at people when they talk of life altering expierances....It always used to be the logic that how can one incident alter fundas that have taken years to built. Now I am wiser...(hopefully)

An expierance CAN alter the perspective you see things with. It can turn a view by 180 degrees and set you on a course which you may not have even envisaged in your wildest dreams. It can make a conservative out of a liberal..it can turn u an atheist from a believer and set you on a totally different tangent.

The expierance can be personal or collective ..but i have seen that its personal one that changes ppl most. Something deep down turns about and voila he /she is a changed person. The change may not be visisble or tangible but manifests itself in subtle gestures..which can be noticed on inspection.

Something tells me that even I have changed a lot in years..I hope its for the better ;)

Generation gap...

Sometimes when I think as to can I define myself as todays generation..I am cornered by the idea as to what this generation means and what are its value systems. Although its all very convinient to dismiss all "new" generation as all fart and no shit..It takes only a minute of introspection to find out that there is no homogenity in todays generation to warrant such generalisations..

Come to think of it , todays generation is more democratic in arts and culture scene. Our best directors of late have been the new blood, so have been music composers, painters, sculptors . Our best businessmen have been new blood ...But despite that there is a great divide even within this confidant lot...
The divide of viewing the way of the west. Here there are two categories.

One who believe and live in the western space. They act and believe wholeheartedly in the western scene. They are convinced that the india around them can be ignored. However they are also contributing to the growth of India.
The second category are actors. They also believe in western way of life but underneath they despise the very system. They are ok with others wives wearing bikinis as long as their missus stays in salwar. They will join in a bachelor orgy but come back and atone for their "sins" in their puja rooms next day. These ppl do not believe in the west. However the interesting fact is that both these groups are convinced that the western way of life is the most pragmatic way.

The only issue is that which group is more "correct"..? well that itself is subjective as there is also a third group which shuns western culture totally ..(but they are in no way to be confidant enough to be the movers and shakers..this group can only be a nuisance..so we will neglect them)... The is no correct or incorrect label..I think a conflict is necessary for India to evolve a "middle Path"..and I think that is possible. ie. Pragmatic westernisation with Indian values and culture....Its possible and its happening as we speak...

We just need to open our eyes...

Independence day...I am free..thanks for reminding !!!

Today as with all Independence Days and with all indians..I got up ..put on my collection of hindi patriotic songs, pinned a tricolor to my door, adjusted the flag stand on my car and maybe wished a few freinds in MHADA and IIT ..a happy I-Day (thru sms ..wat else..u expect me to go over to them..!!?) and that ended my duty towards all the idiots who gave me the chance to breathe in free air.
It ended and summed up my devotion to a country I am supposed to love. It freed me,an average Indian, from the moral and ethical responsibility of spitting on the roads , pillaging govt property, Ogling at the PYT at the bus stand, picking my nose in public,abusing infront of children, bossing over my juniors and super sychopancy to my seniors.

It freed me to think narrowly on religious lines, kicking the street dog, sniggering at the over full wards in govt hospitals, buying my way through a traffic violation, watering the roadside grass with urea and bile, lazing around, giving and taking graft ....

It freed me from the obligation of being patriotic for the rest of 364 days, of behaving like a bum , and generally talking without reason, boring people and yeah taking my freedom for granted...

What else do i expect from Independence day!! Wish fulfilled

When are you goin to think....

There are times I hear very very cliched lines coming from quarters that make me throw up. Thats because of the fact that somehow it really doesnt fit in the person. Or sometimes the whole situation seems so bloody cliched that you question the genuineness of the entire scenario...

Lets take a "cliched" situation.

Girlfreind/Boyfreind.Scenery one. ( we assume that the boy smokes) .

Freinds sitting in a cafe ..Boy casually starts smoking-----> Girlfreind Gets angry----> Boy is scared of his girl-----> Mock fight---->Boy admits that although he is machoest man(is there a word like that??)the the girl Controls his life---> Girl is still angry but now is coy because she has proven her "right" over him..(the end)
More often than not this situation is played out to an audience...Where the audience applauds the act(instant gratification). Society in general expects such a scene(expectation). However there is an element of randomness in which one of the participating actors lose their lines or fail to take the cue(random act of God) ..in which case the audience provides a helping hand.

What actually gets my goat is the sincerity with which the "actors" believe in the role they were playing. I have given this example because this is wat has happened with a freind of mine(yeah and his GF) and within two months they were ka-put...

Why do we let such stupid notions of what our emotions should be ruin what our emotions actually are? Why do we feel that we "should" behave in a particular way? why should we be straitjacketed into a role the "audience" wants us to play? Why seek truth in vaudevile?

I sometimes think I ask weird questions...Well what the hell can you do about it?

Just happy

Electronics goods (esp laptops and smart phones) are some things that make me happy...I mean i do not count myself amongst "geeks" but I am sure u understand when i speak of expierancing the happiness of running ur eyes over the sleek lines ..well placed buttons ...the glazed screen..bright smart applications ....ooohhh....!! U get the idea I guess..

Today I went to buy a "cheap" alternate phone and bought an expensive one(well..not that expensive) ..proving once again that love is blind. But I think its worth buying sumthing u like rather than burning in its desire (as long as u do not burn a king size hole) .

I have regretted not buying what my heart desired as far as my lappy was concerned. I always feel maybe with 5 grands more..i would have been happier..!! but then there is a school of thought which says "you can never be satisfied with electronics"...be that as may..I feel there is a platue level of "electronic happiness"....

I m right now sittin on that platue...

Fever & imagination

I do not know if anyone has escaped a high fever but there is an expierance i would like to write about here before i forget it(something like a early dream)...!
A few days i "caught" malaria falciparum ...Pretty sneaky fever and sneakier parasite.

Apart from the severe chill and pain there was something else which i expieranced.

I realised that when the fever was at the highest ..I got severely depressed. The world suddenly looked so dark and forbidding. Everything was really really negative. I was convinced that I would fail in whatever I was doing. My rents would be unpaid. My grades would come down...I would be handicapped. In short my deepest fears became magnified and projected themselves...To say i was suicidal would be an extreme but suddenly i lost interest in life. It was as if there was no point in living .... Its funny recalling all this now but then the feelings seemed so real . Maybe the whole atmosphere was more darkened by the fact that it was pretty overcast and raining heavily....
The time I slept..i dreamt that i was a computer going thru an algorithm of the film "jab we met" ...Swear! What can beat that ...Or the fact that somewhere i felt that if i could reach the end of this algorithm I could sleep peacefully. Or the fact that I was a printer printing out copies of people passing by(I kno its absurd ..and maybe I will myself not believe these hallucinations..thats the precise reason i am putting them down).

To tell u the truth I sincerely feel that Malaria does release some hallucinogenic minerals into the blood stream. I am no bio technologist but just an average sufferrer and I felt as if I was under some drugs influence when the fever was at its highest...Maybe some day some doctor will write his thesis on this(by the way does ever a doctor write his "doctorate" thesis..ha ha )

By the way did u ever have this kind of expierance anytime?

Jaane tu- A review

Directors like Abbas tyrewala make me proud of the fact

that i belong to a country which has bollywood ....!

Jaane tu ..is a film which is nice ,wonderfully ,

"differently " written and directed by a person who can

write the truth in all its myriad forms. He is not

infalliable neither can he be always right. He will most

likely make pretty rotten movies but not today. Today he

made me proud that India has such wonderfull talent .
The film is not too much on story as much as its on the

little nuances that jump at you when you least expect it

pull you hard and leave you breathless and refreshed at

once .
The freshness of the treatment spills into the

interaction between the dead Naseeruddin shah and Ratna

Pathak. Its brave , amazing and just the sense of humour

which was missing till now in majority of the shit that

goes around.

Most of the scenes are so well crafted that I feel that

its difficult to single out any but what hit me host

were the the interaction between between the parents .

Its so deeply etched in my psyche ...especially the

interaction between Meghna's parents. Its the most

original peice of interaction i have ever seen in hindi

films.....

Actually towards the end of the movie it actually made

me think ...Do we really know the value of things till

we lose them..our parents , our pets ..our freinds

.......!! Do we really know the worst within our near

and dear ones..or do we really go by the bar code on the

wrapper. And does the bar code always say the truth?

Maybe i am reading too much into a nice film...but thats

what is the job of a nice film is ...
Makes you think ....makes you a part of it and suddenly

you cant stop being pulled into it.
Sahib biwi gulam made me sad for choti bahu..Do beegha

zameen made me cry for the rickshawala racing on streets

of calcutta...Choti choti batein made me smile and being

a part of the quirky family..Khubsurat left me with a

happiness long after i left the movie...
Jaane tu..left me with a lot of thoughts....most of it

pleasant.
Mr Tyrewala ...good job

Marriage –A markov model

	0	1	2	1a	1a'	1b	1b'	1c	1c'	1d	1d'	1e	1e'	if	1f'	3A	3B
0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
1	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5
1a	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
1a'	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
1b	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
1b'	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
1c	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0
1c'	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0	0	0
1d	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0
1d'	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0	0	0
1e	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0
1e'	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.5	0.5	0	0
if	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.9	0.1
1f'	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.1	0.9
3A	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0
3B	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1

THERE IS A SLIGHT MISTAKE IN THE DIAGRAM STATE 1 IS MARRIED STATE (NOT "UNMARRIED "AS THE DIA SHOWS..)

This is the Markov table of the marriage process.

3A and 3B are final absorbing states

Since the probability of having a happy ending (ie 3A ) from unhappy phase(1.f') is low I have kept it at 0.1 ..Similarly from 1.f --à3B

I have assumed equal measure of probabilities for favorable as well as unfavorable events (ie. 0.5 probability)

I will shortly calculate the probability of being in state 3A(happy) from state 2(unmarried) and from state 1(married). Rite now I am sleepy so will do the remainder later

Marriage - A marketing success story

This article is actually being written after Pradip put in his thoughts on marriage on this site

http://yemula.blogspot.com/

I feel that the crux of the issue is that as males we are not designed for marriage. Our entire instinct rebels at the thought of marriage. I am yet to see a happy husband. The only "happy" ones are the ones who are so fake that you find them brainwashed into believing everything their "better" half tells them.

The more I look at this issue the more i get depressed. I am so happy being a bachelor. I enjoy this freedom and I really do not feel a need for the "caring" comfort of a wife. I feel that I can exist comfortably by myself even in my old age. The day I feel I will be a vegetable most likely I will commit euthansia.

I cant bring myself to buy this idea of marriage. Its like the classical problem of "squaring the circle" ...you end up with an irrational number. So does marriage. Its so against nature and instinct that I feel surprised that so many get into it...

I had the oppurtunity to speak to lots of guys and I had this question to ask.."why did u get married"?
I was not surprised to hear that 80% said that because their parents wanted them to. around 10 % said that because their girlfreinds insisted on it. Approx 5% said that they wanted to carry their family lineage forward ..5% said because they wanted companionship.

What does this say about the whole institution?

Just that its like one of those TELE SHOPPING ads . Promising to solve A set of problems that you already have ..while hiding a bigger B set of problems that will result if you buy it.

Marriage is the biggest Marketing Fraud that has worked ..Like Lotteries or Gambling or betting....

Professional Lingo Speak

I dont know how many of you have observed this ...I am sure all of you have been a victim of this . Victim of Professional Lingo speak.
What exactly is Profesional lingo speak? Well its basically the tendency to carry forward your Official Professional Language into the daily day to day language you use. There are a few interesting observations to be made on lingo speak ..
First , its most likely to be carried out by guys fresh into the professional field. For example you will have young medicos "examining a specimen for degradation" while buying tomatoes..or young cadets "putting the tomatoes to a fitness test" or guys fresh out of engineering "measuring the tomatoes with vernier callipers" ...!! These are not what is done ..these are what is spoken.

Secondly, the lingo speak is also resorted to as a snide remark where a semblance of secrecy is mantained,or example , if a doc refers to a smelly guy next to him as an "olfactory disorder" ...would that person come to know of it? On the other hand it would evoke a total response from another doc sitting there.

Thirdly, this lingo speak is a measure of community. If I speak the engineer lingo I belong to the community. One can look on this as a kind of security measure of taking refuge in groups. More likely it serves a sense of ritual and bonding.
Lastly , this lingo speak is resorted to only in the begining of career ..As people mature they settle down to social lingo speak than a professional lingo speak..

Why Amitabh Bachan Gets on my nerves...

I have started hating "sarkar raj" even before I have seen it....Although Ramgopal Verma is one of my fav directors. Part of the blame majorly goes to the Bachan Trio.

They give me the heeby jeebies....It is really sick to see each of them mouth politically correct "ooh aah..oh myies" at each and every occasion. Every interview or shot starts with the paens to the mighty troika. And all three walk in as if the entire world is waiting to hear them propound the path breaking theory of the groundbreaking films they are making. And they peek from their Gucci's to reaffirm the faith that they are indeed the "first family" of bollywood.
But what really gets my goat is the fact that each one praises the other in no less exaggeration..than the other does to the rest. So we hear from Mr Amitabh that his son is the next Al pachino , we hear from Junior that senior is a better actor than Brando and both chirp in that Mrs Ladida Rai-Bachan is the next best thing to happen to hollywood...(hollywood!!!...arrey yaar bas karo..ye thoda jyaada ho gaya)...

In reality I think
a. Abhishek bacchan is at most a mediocore actor who is taken because of the package deal that comes with his dad and he knows in the heart of hearts that stand alone he is as good or even worse than Mimoh(son of Mithun). His overt love and affection for his father is a sign that he has not grown beyond him and still runs to him when his toy breaks down. His most famous claim to fame has been that he was the most eligible bachelor...Thats because of the fact that he is nicey nicey in the cocoon he has lived all his life. There is no need to fight anything so why should he be less than nice. To tell u the truth I think he is slightly mentally dumb...And dumb people are generally too dumb to be evil.

b. Aishwarya Rai is the fakest women I have ever heard in my life. Its as if your bai learns a few golden phrases in English and starts talking to you about Keats. Its fake ,its a put on and it irritates the shit out of you. I mean how long can you give the "damsel in distress" act and still manage to have the face to call yourself an actress. The entire Hollywood.."light is shining onto our lives" facade makes me want to give her a tight slap. Madam apni aukad me raho. You are just a pretty model who got lucky ..please do not be the Greta Garbo of India..It sucks.

c. The Big B has made a comeback and rightly deserves the place that the industry has given him. But he is so politically correct that you feel like shaking him and sayin" baba, get up ..the shot is over". But he must be a sad man to see his son fail evertime ..and a dedicated father to pick him up and again get him online. As a father of a 30 sumthing son it must be utterly humiliating that he has to still support him.

The entire trio is a study in fakeness and stupidity. Aishwarya is a fake but shrewd gal, Amitabh ,the intelligent but majboor father and Abhishek the well meaning but utterly useless dumb Idiot in the family, the oldest "newcomer" in the industry.

I am waiting for the facade to collapse and the bubble to burst. THAT will be something isnt it?