The last few days following the weekend have been very
restless for me. Mentally I have been churning around and trying to get something
‘out’. The issue is not so much of framing as to the issue of ‘what’ is to be
framed? My thoughts have been incoherent and often self contradictory. I haven’t
ever faced this crisis of mental coherence since a long time. I haven’t grappled
with myself very many times.. I am pretty much love in what I think..most of
the time. But this time ..I have been cutting circles in air. Brownian
motion..thats something I am never mentally in love with…but that’s what
precisely defines a state I am in….
I anbhor the concept of strict ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.. just
because I think everyone has his ‘rights/wrongs’..but to be in a state of grey
myself. ..? Am I thinking too much? How do I stop it? Can I ‘relax’ ?
There is no problem. That’s the main problem. Since there is
no problem defined..how do I solve it?
And the trigger has been Imtiaz Ali’s “highway”. Ever I experienced
that film..I have been pretty restless. Very restless. Thinking as to what to
think. Why has this film disturbed me? I don’t know? I really don’t. Should I stop thinking about it? Its just a
film. Why is it making me restless? I know that I cant take anyone else’s
answer for it. I have to think of a way out. The ‘convinent’ answers wont do.
The film has touched something deep inside me and turned my
thought processes inside out. Its just a film.Goddamn it. It shouldn’t screw my
head. See it..forget it. Its not cult-ish. It’s a normal film about ‘Stockholm
syndrome’ ..its just a fim..a story. It isn’t anything else.
Why is it then I am thinking about it? Even now? I tried all
justifications..atleast the ones I knew. I even wrote a shitty review about
it..to get it out and move on. Not working.
Even now I cant ‘catch’ it. I thought writing about it would
make me comfortable about it. Nope..this is not working. I am even more
confused about it. I hate it when such an idea catches you and spins you around
against your wishes.
What do I make out of it. ..? I don’t know…I just don’t know!
Hate this!
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