Friday, March 21, 2014

Why do I trek?

I have been trekking for close to 10 years now. Earlier I used to trek with close coursemates and now that they have been married off..I do it with a few known acquaintainces. Recently I concluded two treks with the Bikat Adventures group...!
After the Panwali Kantha trek ..I was on way back and in the bus I couldnt get sleep. My mind on its own started searching for a reason I go on treks so passionately! I was getting a lot of answers that I thought I should write down because I feel if one can put down his thoughts on paper(in this case ,keyboard) he becomes more coherent to himself.
I trek because I at the core of my self want to be at peace. Yes, I trek to get to that zone of peace where my thoughts rebound in my head and my body breaks down with pain. There are treks (esp the Ladakhi treks) where I am almost in tears in pain while at the same time stupidly happy. I guess there is a hidden masochist in me . The level of 'shanti' (peace isnt a very apt word for 'shaanti' ..more apt is 'to be at peace') I achieve walking alone and fighting the next step in my head. That is why I prefer walking alone and not to talk ..I am struggling with my thoughts, my stories, my peace. It sounds rude to my fellow travellers(sorry for that) but I dont want company. At most I plug in my ipod and hear the latest sufiyana song...It some how calms me.

I trek because I get the feeling of being in love. yes, strange though it may sound,I feel I am in love while trekking. Not the narrow romantic definition of boy-girl love ..but the much bigger and vaster feeling of being in love ..just being in love. I look around and see trees, skies,clouds..and somehow I feel loved. I feel non-judgemental,free and happy. I love a particular tree..I love it as much I would love any girl.And somehow I feel that the tree loves me back. without judgement..without asking anything(promise, I m not on dope here). I say it goodbye and somehow feel it waving me bye. The skies will love you , no matter what..even if they are full of rain and snow. And I feel the love of every pebble ..every rock on the path.

I trek because I feel free. free of stupidities, pettiness, anger and games. I feel strangely liberated. I am sweaty,dirty, smelly and tired. But at the same time I feel cleansed. Call it absolution call it anything,I just feel free..

Some treks I get a feeling that why did I pay for getting so fucked? But once the pain is over , it remains etched into my mind as a happy memory. I guess I trek to create memories. Memories which is the only thing permanent in this world(alzhiemers not withstanding). The memories which cant be created sitting cozy in a bar. These are the ones which require your sweat. Perhaps because they are sweaty memories..they are for me much truer memories.

Someone once said , that everyone who treks/climbs has a story going on in his head. I guess thats true. We relive our stories and I do it on treks. Bad stories, good ones..happy stories, a sad email ..a smell here ..maybe a song there. They all come flooding back and somehow you are so filled that you just stare ahead and walk on.
Sometimes the bearing of being is too much to bear for me. Sometimes I am too fed up of stupid people playing a zero sum stupid game. Petty egos ..fragile vanities to be massaged. I trek to escape this mentally. I trek because somehow when you are with nature you find a partner in the winds..skies and snow..who nod their head and tell you...' we understand the pettiness of all this drama..remember we have been here forever ;)'... just walk on.
I trek because past is past and walking on is progress,growth and creativity. Trekking is like a fire where I burn out some bad past to make fire for a brighter present. Its slightly painful but its better then letting the fire burn you...
I trek to forget. I trek to remember..! I trek because drugs are illegal...! I trek because at some level its an escape into a truer...more intelligent eco system..

Yeah ...More than anything I guess I trek because I am an escapist. I want to be alone. with my thoughts with my ideas..I am not a 'sharer'..I guess I trek because I am gloriously selfish !! :)
Ice cream---you scream

2 comments:

girish said...

After reading this, I have become latest fan of your writing.I could relate with every bit of it.keep up the good work.

Pi said...

Girish. Thank you. Feels nice to be empathised ;)