Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My ideal life

One of these days a freind asked me (in context of marriage), if I felt 'alone' coming home to an empty house with no one to welcome me. I thought over this and seriously said 'no'. That set me thinking as how different my 'ideal' life would be from others. I decided to frame it out in this post.
In my ideal life, I should be working in a R&D  company with a single studio flat in a preferably European town. I would get up in the morning, brew my own mega-cup of tea and sit over a newspaper for few mins with a large crust of my favorite bread. I would finish it and read my favorite book in the loo. I would then go to my office, work with a bunch of creative and happy people, give great outputs. I would have my lunch in an open air cafe. Finish with awesome coffee and head back.Finish my work and go back home, change into running gear, go for a run , come back, take bath and fix myself a great salad/soup. I would then read a book, finish any office work and generally kill time on the net. If freinds are over, we would have a nice beer and dinner..otherwise I would go to bed.If weekends are free I should have sufficient moolah to trek/visit places and pursue photography. Sometimes I should be able to find time for sketching and painting. Once in a year I should go out for a really long trek with my camera. I would frame good enough prints of my pics and hang it around my apartment. My freind circle would be small but nice. No stupid social obligations or family functions. I should earn enough to pay my bills and save a little for my retirement and insurance. I would preferably have a cheap car and an expensive cycle.

the coming home part really doesnt figure...

Tall order?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

a talk to remember

Yesterday, I had met a long lost school mate . Thanks of course to Facebook.He was in mumbai , and was presently working with a reputed company. School freinds have changed over time a lot and the boy I knew was long a father of two and having gone through the rough and tumble of life ..he had grown a bit taciturn. 
We were good freinds and had parted ways when I joined the Navy(in 12th) and he went on to pursue his studies.
I remembered him as a passionate young guy(we both were,I guess). Intelligent and highly idealistic and rational. He was one of those guys who had the conviction and the right amount of hardwork to see through it. Sincere and humble, he was a quick wit. And through junior college..there were quite a few romantic interludes. I used to envy him as he was quite popular with the girls...When I had told him so , he had once laughed it off. I could see it very clearly that he didnt make quite a big deal about his finesse or intelligence. 
But one day he did confess to me about having those special feelings for one particular girl in college. I really could not believe that out of all the hot chicks that hovered around him, he chose this shy and timid girl with no real academic acheivements or otherwise. Well , each to his own.
He did walk up to the girland conveyed her his which the girl reciprocated.  It seemed that she had fallen for him right away in the first semester. When I had left college they were both very much in love and knowing my freind, I could guess that he had all of it figured out..! He had told me about his future plans of finding a good career and settling down with the girl...! Being the uncurable romantic that I was ..and knowing full well that I was going to join an organisation that would encourage a very different kind of 'candle light dinner'...I left them with very high hopes. I was genuinely happy for him ..for both of them.We lost touch after I joined the Academy and since internet was at its infancy and there was no Facebook... We really couldnt keep in touch. 
Finally after all those days when we met up in mumbai, After a drink or two we took to reminsicing about our 'old days'. At school,at college..till I asked him as to if it had all worked out with the girl, now that he is the father to their children. Now, I was so convinced that he had married his lover that it didnt occur to me that someone else was his wife. Well..he fell silent and told me that the 'girl' he had made his love in college wasnt his wife. ..I dint prod him further but I guess my silence was pregnant..
He started to talk as to how the 'girl' in college he was going out with had some different plans. It seems that she was not quite interested in him as much as his career and when he failed his first IAS attempt, the lady hooked up with a minister's son on the sly( the minister's son was a SC/ST minister's ward who had been studying with us and had around three years in our class..having failed in his finals). When caught , the lady ..well moved on. Leaving this guy at a very crucial juncture in life. He somehow managed to clear his PG..had his 'phase' of excessive drinking ..finally did his MBA from XLRI and did land himself a good job. Now he has a family ..with a wife from a typical arranged marriage..
Very typical love story of a typical college romace. But what struck me was a sentence he said towards the end of our conversation. He said "Piyush, I think the betrayal of trust has a very high just lose faith in trusting".
I was two pegs down but the import of those words hit me like a slap. Coming from my freind whom I knew as the sincerest guy in college , I knew those words were not empty. I just looked at him as he poured out..
'Someimes I feel that what life would have been had she not done what she did. Maybe I would have got betrayed later but I would have stayed in the happy delusion of trust atleast those years. By breaking my trust so early, I feel she converted me into a cynic in the worst form. I just dont trust anyone anymore. And I hope ..hope feverantly that I am proven wrong atleast once..but no..everytime I am proven right. And that makes me sick. Because faith and trust are comforting, cynicism and lack of trust isnt. But how do you keep the faith when you know that the truth is something else.'

Having heard him, I could now gather that whatever be her motive, the 'girl' had changed a sincere lover into a cynic whoc couldnt trust his shadow. I really dont know if it was her fault at all. Maybe she did have her reasons but the tanglibe effect..that I could see it on my freind. The ever idealist , positive and cheerful guy had changed into a hardnosed man of the world. I guess its 'thank you lady'.I really dont know why I am writing this. I am sure there are a thousand stories like this floating around..Maybe because such a story was far way..till yesterday. Maybe today, its a story that has come close home. Frankly, I am yet to form an opinion on the 'betrayal' part..or the 'fault' part. But those words he had said 'you lose faith in trusting'..ring in my ears..really?