Friday, December 27, 2013

The clay of our lives

I seem to have an intrinsic fetish for clay products. These are the some of the pictures I took of clayware at Dastakar..

Thursday, December 26, 2013

An apostrophe

A convinent wrapper in the dustbin of memory..
Forgotten sighs and a dusty story..
Faded letters..jaded words...
Bitter thorns ..crossed rusty swords..
glitter of nightlights ...
smogs of smokey highlights...
Flashes of mirrors and smoke..
All around the dead fires that stoke...
Hands reaching through the thick fog..
Hands searching for the branch rogue..
Its a long way back..
Its a lone one way track...
Come alone ..go alone..
rest all flesh and bone..
elusive ... games..
petals and stems..
Fall today..fall tomorrow..
the autumn of the days ..and days of sorrow..
This ..this and this ..
empty games of hubris..
A convinient apostrophe..
Lights out and a break..

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My ideal life

One of these days a freind asked me (in context of marriage), if I felt 'alone' coming home to an empty house with no one to welcome me. I thought over this and seriously said 'no'. That set me thinking as how different my 'ideal' life would be from others. I decided to frame it out in this post.
In my ideal life, I should be working in a R&D  company with a single studio flat in a preferably European town. I would get up in the morning, brew my own mega-cup of tea and sit over a newspaper for few mins with a large crust of my favorite bread. I would finish it and read my favorite book in the loo. I would then go to my office, work with a bunch of creative and happy people, give great outputs. I would have my lunch in an open air cafe. Finish with awesome coffee and head back.Finish my work and go back home, change into running gear, go for a run , come back, take bath and fix myself a great salad/soup. I would then read a book, finish any office work and generally kill time on the net. If freinds are over, we would have a nice beer and dinner..otherwise I would go to bed.If weekends are free I should have sufficient moolah to trek/visit places and pursue photography. Sometimes I should be able to find time for sketching and painting. Once in a year I should go out for a really long trek with my camera. I would frame good enough prints of my pics and hang it around my apartment. My freind circle would be small but nice. No stupid social obligations or family functions. I should earn enough to pay my bills and save a little for my retirement and insurance. I would preferably have a cheap car and an expensive cycle.

the coming home part really doesnt figure...

Tall order?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

a talk to remember

Yesterday, I had met a long lost school mate . Thanks of course to Facebook.He was in mumbai , and was presently working with a reputed company. School freinds have changed over time a lot and the boy I knew was long a father of two and having gone through the rough and tumble of life ..he had grown a bit taciturn. 
We were good freinds and had parted ways when I joined the Navy(in 12th) and he went on to pursue his studies.
I remembered him as a passionate young guy(we both were,I guess). Intelligent and highly idealistic and rational. He was one of those guys who had the conviction and the right amount of hardwork to see through it. Sincere and humble, he was a quick wit. And through junior college..there were quite a few romantic interludes. I used to envy him as he was quite popular with the girls...When I had told him so , he had once laughed it off. I could see it very clearly that he didnt make quite a big deal about his finesse or intelligence. 
But one day he did confess to me about having those special feelings for one particular girl in college. I really could not believe that out of all the hot chicks that hovered around him, he chose this shy and timid girl with no real academic acheivements or otherwise. Well , each to his own.
He did walk up to the girland conveyed her his which the girl reciprocated.  It seemed that she had fallen for him right away in the first semester. When I had left college they were both very much in love and knowing my freind, I could guess that he had all of it figured out..! He had told me about his future plans of finding a good career and settling down with the girl...! Being the uncurable romantic that I was ..and knowing full well that I was going to join an organisation that would encourage a very different kind of 'candle light dinner'...I left them with very high hopes. I was genuinely happy for him ..for both of them.We lost touch after I joined the Academy and since internet was at its infancy and there was no Facebook... We really couldnt keep in touch. 
Finally after all those days when we met up in mumbai, After a drink or two we took to reminsicing about our 'old days'. At school,at college..till I asked him as to if it had all worked out with the girl, now that he is the father to their children. Now, I was so convinced that he had married his lover that it didnt occur to me that someone else was his wife. Well..he fell silent and told me that the 'girl' he had made his love in college wasnt his wife. ..I dint prod him further but I guess my silence was pregnant..
He started to talk as to how the 'girl' in college he was going out with had some different plans. It seems that she was not quite interested in him as much as his career and when he failed his first IAS attempt, the lady hooked up with a minister's son on the sly( the minister's son was a SC/ST minister's ward who had been studying with us and had around three years in our class..having failed in his finals). When caught , the lady ..well moved on. Leaving this guy at a very crucial juncture in life. He somehow managed to clear his PG..had his 'phase' of excessive drinking ..finally did his MBA from XLRI and did land himself a good job. Now he has a family ..with a wife from a typical arranged marriage..
Very typical love story of a typical college romace. But what struck me was a sentence he said towards the end of our conversation. He said "Piyush, I think the betrayal of trust has a very high just lose faith in trusting".
I was two pegs down but the import of those words hit me like a slap. Coming from my freind whom I knew as the sincerest guy in college , I knew those words were not empty. I just looked at him as he poured out..
'Someimes I feel that what life would have been had she not done what she did. Maybe I would have got betrayed later but I would have stayed in the happy delusion of trust atleast those years. By breaking my trust so early, I feel she converted me into a cynic in the worst form. I just dont trust anyone anymore. And I hope ..hope feverantly that I am proven wrong atleast once..but no..everytime I am proven right. And that makes me sick. Because faith and trust are comforting, cynicism and lack of trust isnt. But how do you keep the faith when you know that the truth is something else.'

Having heard him, I could now gather that whatever be her motive, the 'girl' had changed a sincere lover into a cynic whoc couldnt trust his shadow. I really dont know if it was her fault at all. Maybe she did have her reasons but the tanglibe effect..that I could see it on my freind. The ever idealist , positive and cheerful guy had changed into a hardnosed man of the world. I guess its 'thank you lady'.I really dont know why I am writing this. I am sure there are a thousand stories like this floating around..Maybe because such a story was far way..till yesterday. Maybe today, its a story that has come close home. Frankly, I am yet to form an opinion on the 'betrayal' part..or the 'fault' part. But those words he had said 'you lose faith in trusting'..ring in my ears..really?

Friday, February 8, 2013

Bullshit Theory

In any group of people there are those who are productive and contribute and then there are those who are full of bull shit. The selection of people varies as a society progresses from a 'bullshit' driven society to a 'productivity' driven one. A bullshit driven society will have following characteristics:

  1. an almost religious liking for hearing only 'good news'
  2. Knee -jerk and dumbass reactions to perfectly sane happenings
  3. Too much of circular logic to justify anything as long as it suits the offender
  4. A psuedo piety and sense of culture which stands guards against any innovative idea
  5. A craze for 'nice' people
  6. A pathological fear of facing the truth
  7. Selection of candidature based on what is said rather than what is done.

A productive society will on the other hand have :

 1. an almost single minded devotion to improving the quality of life
 2. A desire to hear the reality and take corrective actions.
3. A fundamental belief in the truth of 'crime=punishment' and vice versa.
4. Selection of candidature based on meritocracy.

I have made a simple graph of the same . It looks fairly simple as to where we stand :)

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Cynical believer

Now that I have been told by my boss that I m too cynical and sarcastic for my own good..I have taken that feedback and tried thinking it through. I made a list of things I m cynical about and the things I believe in :

1. God: or more like the concept of religion
2. Essential 'goodness' of human beings
3. the 'Indian way' of doing things(do it because we have done it this way since2000 bc)
4. following societal rules
5. Marriage
6. greatness /chauvinistic view of organisation/culture/nation
10.casualty-if you do this>this will be your reward

1. Love/romance
4.crime and punishment
8. thinking clearly ,rationaly
9. Respect

So there it is. the lists are almost equal . Which means that I am cynical by 50% and non-cynical by 50% ,which also means that since there is no 'control' or datum I am pretty much balanced on cynicism.
As far as sarcasm is concerned I have to do a bit of further research :)

Saturday, January 12, 2013

When the time comes :)

When the sun will go down will go home..
When the dust has settled you will go home..
When the sweat has dried you will go home...
When all has been what has will go home..

When the sun has gone down.. I will still be walking
When the dust has settled I would still be wading thruh the path..
When the sweat is dried..I would still be sweating
When all has been what has been..I would still be walking..

A breif moment of pass..
A brush of time...
A touch of fun..
A bit of tryin..

When the sun will go down are sure of your home...
When the dust has settled have your water ready..
When the sweat has have a cushion..
When all has been what has all will be a past for you..

I would still be walking...
For I have no home to come to..
No cozy corner that I want..
No, I didnt think of it ..

I am as ready as can be, for the roads
I am as ready as can be for the dust
I am more than ready for the fragile trust..
I am all that I have been..and I am ready for bust !!