Pebbles...

Crossing the line is subtle. There is no thunderous sound of something breaking or a clap of lightning that announces the crossing of line. Its almost like a magical drift of slow but sure red shift of a black hole approaching astronut. The information just stops and the irony is that the astronomer who slides towards the event horizon barely notices that he has crossed it. The other individual however observes a slow erosion of information and a fading into darkness. Ominously saddening yet inevitable. The warnings are always there. Loud and gravity defying. We just chose not to hear it. Its just sad that these things happen this way. Sometimes you wish there was a better way..But I guess if there was a better wasy there would be. Those who venture into that realm of fact and fantasy should realise that if gravity can bring masses together..Its the same gravity that can tear you apart. Slowly but surely. Painful yet truthfully. How close it is to human emotions as people bound b...

Here it is ________________________________________________________________________

I wrote this piece of shit when I was a bit drunk : 'Even if the entire world is shit..or so it looks like, remember one thing. The lens through which we perceive, feel and conceptualise 'the' world is built by us. The clearer we are in making that 'glass' , the 'purer' we are ..the world will appear so. Some say that the only way to live is to be 'brave'..I differ. The only way to live is to be 'scared'...Scared that this is your last day on earth. 'Scared' that maybe tomorrow I wont be able to smell the flowers, see the colors or touch the sky. The only thing that is truly your own worth building is information..ie memories. Don't take photos..take experiences. Its one imprint that's truly your own. Love! thats the only thing worth feeling...if you haven't experienced it ..you are either an idiot or an asshole. Imperfect,stupid and sometimes deceitful..Love,whatever it is its worth a try. Majority doesn't ma...

I started writing this piece when the elections were in full swing. Now I am that kind of asshole who will watch up Elections 2014 all night and give the Football Premier league a major miss. And I dont know why I stopped in between..maybe my thoughts were a bit flustered to be coherent.. Modi as a phenomenon burst forth in these last elections and every journalist worth his NaCl was analysing the pros and cons of this man. Some were regurgitating the 'modisms' while some assholic Red Party members were comparing his rallies to Nuremberg Nazi propaganda. Fear mongering at the rise of 'right wing' extremism and 'crony capitalism' reached a frenzy in the media while the elections were in full swing... We Indians are weird lot..our best discussions happen over the overtly sweet roadside stall tea. The irish have their pubs ,americans their bars and we have our chai party. As we stood discussing weather Modi deserved to rule India or he was just a demon in disg...

Someday I think I will write as honestly as I want to. Why someday because somewhere I believe that the meaning and semantics of 'honesty' have got blurred by a strange porridge floating around... Its now become difficult to pick out the truth from lies. Strangest thing being that sometimes the lier himself/herself has forgotten that he/she is lying. There is no fog of confusion ..its just that there is a group pleasure in keeping eyes closed. Its a juggernut that's surely and slowly moving towards sure braindead scenario.The only sure determination being 'moving around'.  Not only that, it has somehow discovered the numbing pleasure of being brain dead. A slow juggernaut of porridge pushing its way through caviar and uber food..converting everything into ..well ..porridge. Nameless,faceless,tasteless ..happy porridge. Yeah...that is important. The 'happy' factor. Happy in its namelessness, classlessness, and socialnesses. All the '...

 I prefer solitary treks. I prefer walking alone. That being said I prefer company of likeminded people who do understand that. The hampta-pass trek kind of underlines the fact that no matter how weird you are..there are likeminded weirdos. Starting on a tuesday afternoon where I had to run from office (changing from formals to trek pants and seeing the look on the secretary's face was well an enlightening expierance). That and the worn out backpack in place of the breifcase and trek boots in place of the shiny formals to complete the look...Maannnnn I am expecting some puzzled looks back at office on this tuesday! Metro ride to Civil lines and rendezvous at the corny sounding 'Majnu ka tila'(fucckkk..who keeps a name like that??). Majnu was a legend and here was a 'tila' named after him. Woww!! Its like naming a drain after Ghalib..Ghalib ka naala!! So much for naming hot spots. Pankazzz was waiting along with Gear-ish and a host of eager faces. We board the volv...

Today I met a freind who had come in to the city for some work. As we sat down to dinner and started talking about treks etc...he cleared his throat and said 'I got to discuss something I have been hearing about you' .. Now, when I hear this kind of throat clearing I know something is wrong but hey he was afreind and how wrong could it be. ..? Between mouthful of chicken swarma I asked him ..Yeah? 'It seems lots of people saying that you do not respond to calls ..you do not attend socials and in someway you have turned into an 'anti social'...Has it got something to do with 'matrimonial problems'? Now ..I almost laughed..infact almost choked on my swarama..! I told him...' You called me? ' Did I refuse? Infact I drove 23 Kms to just meet you! In what way do you think I am anti social. He said..well been hearing alot so i thought I would ask you if its something thats true. Here is a gist of what I told him.. Yeah! I am an antisocial to...

Now there was a group where we had to tell our names and explain as to why we paint/draw! I got up ..told my name and as to the question 'why do I draw'? I went blank. All I could give was a nervous and a real amused laugh! Nervous because I was blank and amused because of the answers I had heard before 'I am passionate about drawing'..'I like design'..I want to draw because I am preparing for NIFT/NID entrance etc etc..And I really couldnt think of any smarter answer... I thought while was standing and I really thought..Passionate? Naah... Design ? Naaah...Love drawing ? Naah... Why do I draw? I could give a million answers and they all would be wrong. I really cant put a finger on why I draw..! But I do draw obsessively..  I draw on my organiser..I draw on newspaper...I draw on office post it notes..When I see a figure I am subconciously looking at the veins and muscles fold and thinking how to get the 'stretch' feeling on paper. I look at ...

Wait..!! Before you picture me as a doppleganger under a bridge snorting heroin(thats what they snort..rite..?or Cocaine ..whatever) I must confess that writing this was a bit of leap of faith. Why? Because when I started this blog I started it with an aim to be honest in my writing. I cant write fiction ..nor do I want to...(Infact I wrote a fictional piece about two tortoises who save a raft of shipwrecked men,and finally get eaten by them..It was so bloody depressing that I decided never to write fiction again )..  So the only option left was to write about what exactly I felt. Because somehow I have a strong faith that art(writing, poetry, painting) touch the world only when they are honest. Actually I am not bothered with 'touching' the world...too much. They can touch them,selves for all I care ...I am only bothered that I should be honest about what I write. If I think Sushi is crap..well its crap. I cant write anything otherwise..!It will be a fake set of words an...

. “Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn’t feel a part of their heart break at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That’s my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.” – Jennifer Salaiz

Delhi has been an eyeopener in more ways than one. I had come to Delhi four monthes back nursing a deep prejudice to this city . And as I audit my life in these few days in the National Capital I have come across a awful lot of truths and realisations which I wouldnt have had if I hadnt come face to face with this city and people. Infact when I look back at my life ..lots of things have a 'delhi' perspective. The kind of idea that there exists an attitude that is at the same time highly practical and insanely stupid ..that there exists a kind of idea that is not only self destructive but highly plleasuble and at the same time self destructive. Its something that one realises that threre is a city where people not only believe such ideas but live and die by them..however innimical they are. Now imagine the psychological paradox  of living in a city whose central idea conflicts with everything beautiful and constructive. That is not a feat that one should be proud of..thats a p...

While we cant build institutions or personas..we are adept at pulling down institutions and characters. No one is good enough for us it seems. We as a people are the most lawbreaking citizens of the world yet we want a saint as our leader..we cannot run a single household yet want a person who can manage fiscal deficiet,distribute free food and also play the tabla? More than the Aam Aadmi..I think its the political leaders who should be entitled to a good populace in a democr atic setup. Seriously, if anything I am more ashamed of the Indian Population rather than its leaders. Loose talkers and shallow assholes can never produce a great leader. In case he is produced by chance..we will drag him down! Gandhi gave us a central motive and was instrumental in giving us freedom but no ..he was a sexual pervert! Nehru gave us democratic legacy..but oh no ! he was a flirt! JP wasnt good enough! Indira Gandhi led us through one of the worst wars,but hell no..she was a bitch...!! Patel united ...

I had met a few class mates and as we got to talking they started pulling my leg regarding me being my maths teachers pet. It was true and I was smiling away. Frankly I enjoyed her attention and she did encourage me a lot and was one of the biggest influences in my life in loving maths and science. I was pretty proud of the fact that my Physics miss(yeah we used to call our teachers 'miss' ..even if she was a lady with four kids ;)) and English sir found me one of those kids who had real interest in these subjects. But personal ego aside I was troubled by one of the statements these schoolmates had made. 'Piyush I still remember the silly questions you used to ask..I mean who asks 'why a circle is called a circle' ' Well first of all I never asked THAT question. I had asked 'How do u know that a figure is a circle?'.Secondly I never got an answer. Let me elaborate that question. If you see a big figure like a circle how do u know that it has a circu...

You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis. A parenthesis it is. A parenthesis shouldn't try to be anything but one. Neither a full stop ..neither a blank space ..and never an underscore. It destroys the balance of things. A parenthesis should act like one. Delusions can be costly and painful. Ambitions matter little and so does desires and expectations. To do so would be counter productive. And a demand for the same could be turned down at will. Worse still it may be turned into an article. It might be asked as to if not a parenthesis what it would want to be?  But frankly isn't it stupid for the parenthesis to demand it. A parenthesis is expendable..the sent hence isn't.  It must accept the pays and perks of being a parenthesis and move on. Different sentence same function. Only it should remember that the sentence owes it nothing. That's the agreement made at the start of the paragraph. And that's how it shall rema...

Six guys ,one long bus trip to Guttu and a late start to the trek is not really the most auspicious start to a trek thats expected to trod some heavy snow! But then with a homogenous group there is no issue with lack of motivation. We were already late when we started from Guttu (almost 5 hrs from Rishikesh..thanks to mother nature screwing up en route roads. And thanks to the clear weather and a balmy breeze, we were up and bright. Our cook (hired from the village) who was moonlighting as a cook as the business of his shop could wait was full of evergy and frankly a little preppy. Our guide, Sajjan Singh, was a rather loud but honest to goodness all-in-one who had the choicest of words to motivate the porters (even in the early hours of the start) . As we walked we were given a breif route detail by Sajjan and although all of us were eager to glimpse the peak..we realised it was way too off. A small iron bridge along with some pretty ladies loitering around and smiling...

I am trying to understand something called Values in Sketching. I think its the holy grail of any media painting. Once you get values correct..it doesnt matter what media/color you use. So just concentrate on values..Fuck the media !!

Just needed to free my hand . This is almost 70% of actual photo. Somewhere I fucked up the most imp element of potrait..eyes. My Charcoal pencil was too brittle..the paper couldnt hold charcoal details (all the included excuses to hide the lack of my expertise) . But what the hell..I felt good and OK OK will PRACTICE drawing . Heard you !!

Thanks to Will for introducing me to acryllics ..dude! you rock!! his website is http://willkempartschool.com/the-3-steps-to-becoming-a-better-painter-by-painting-less/

Thanks to Will Kemps..

I have a problem.Its the mind. Its so vocal that sometimes I wish it would just keep quiet instead. Frankly sometimes I think it owns me rather than the other around. And I am not being cutesy here. Its like being a bug on the wagging end of a dog's tail(dont get me started on the tail wagging the dog). When its in mood , the mind doesnt talk to me..it screams. It gets bugging to keep hearing to it. And this is more so when it feels the need to speak on everything. I tried convincing it that you do not HAVE to form an opinion on everything. Just accept somethings,buddy. But NO, sirji has made it clear that it JUST WONT. So, I am stuck with its booming voice and stubbornness. I have to get up at 3 AM because it wants to speak to me. And the monlogue lasts hours ...My day is screwed. It demands attention 24/7 so I cant even ogle at some random hotchick on the road. Nope..that luxury has been lost long time back. I cant look at a scenery without it 'composing' it. Sometimes...

http://www.openaspdf.com/files/865455/The%20Nagtibba%20Trek.pdf

The trek to Nagtibba is a generic easy trek if weather favours you and a slightly ardous one if you are not in favour with weather gods. That being said, a motely group of 15 started with all the right intentions from Delhi ISBT towards Dehradun at 11’O clock (night). An ice breaker stop at the BIKANO followed by a early morning tempo trip to Pantwadi saw us welcome the Saturday morning chill. The walk from Pantwadi is a gradual climb and an easy one but with first timers it’s a slightly awkward experience as they start getting used to tightening back straps and the frequent need to sip gulps of water( of course due to dryness and the sun). We started a bit late ie around 1100 so the ‘lunch break’ was more of a snack pitstop with some rice pulao and dahi. It took us almost 5 hours to reach the camping ground ..an undulating slope with the right angle so as to afford maximum open space without the wind chill factor. Since most of the beginners were tired , it was an effort to pitc...

If one is hurt ..one should enquire as to why is he hurt? If he is hurt because of himself ..he should reconcile not to repeat it. If he thinks he is hurt because of someone else..then even its his fault. Because its he who has bestowed the right to hurt on him/her. To blame someone for your hurt is the easiest and the most erroneous thing to do. The only way to prevent is not to fight or reason with someone who has hurt you. It will only increase your dependence and multiply your chances of getting hurt again..! The best thing one can do is slowly but surely withdraw the right to hurt. Its the only logical thing to do. Its painful and not without its pit falls but its way more better than handing the hammer again to the vandaliser. If at all one chance to hurt is a mistake ..the second chance is availed only on the consent of the victim. Its better to immune oneself to hurt than to get hurt ..which basically a waste of time and not really worth the person hurting you. Its very simple...

The hot pan on fire.. Hot with the fire below.. Hot with the fire within.. Restless.. Drops of water wont do.. drops that roll off the hot surface.. No they just wont do.. A cool breeze wont do.. it will never do.. Burning in its own heat.. seething turning and turning to charcoal.. The fire wont stop.. Its happy its burning.. Its the pan thats getting burnt.. Its the pan that feels the burn..

I am sorry for a lot of things . I am not sorry to something..I am just sorry for myself. And I guess I owe myself an apology..  I am sorry that I can't lie. Rather..I won't lie. Because I see no long term value in demeaning yourself in long term. I am sorry I believe in honesty for honesty sake. I am sorry I think beyond the obvious time and place. I am sorry I can't close my eyes and bow down to bullies. I am sorry I don't respect ranks and I respect minds. I am sorry I believe in lovemaking and not 'fucking'. I am sorry I get aroused as much by intellect as by shapely boobs. I am sorry I respect simplicity. I am sorry I don't hold traditions in awe. I am sorry I can't believe just because ' u say so' . I am sorry I don't think love means dependance. I am sorry I love being in love. I am sorry I can skip lunch for looking at a painting . I am sorry I get disgusted by ugly people.I am sorry I expect a system to work. I am sorry I don't...

I have been trekking for close to 10 years now. Earlier I used to trek with close coursemates and now that they have been married off..I do it with a few known acquaintainces. Recently I concluded two treks with the Bikat Adventures group...! After the Panwali Kantha trek ..I was on way back and in the bus I couldnt get sleep. My mind on its own started searching for a reason I go on treks so passionately! I was getting a lot of answers that I thought I should write down because I feel if one can put down his thoughts on paper(in this case ,keyboard) he becomes more coherent to himself. I trek because I at the core of my self want to be at peace . Yes, I trek to get to that zone of peace where my thoughts rebound in my head and my body breaks down with pain. There are treks (esp the Ladakhi treks) where I am almost in tears in pain while at the same time stupidly happy. I guess there is a hidden masochist in me . The level of 'shanti' (peace isnt a very apt word for 'sha...