Saturday, January 28, 2012

Chikni Chameli's murder

 The first time I heard the ''Chikni Chameli" Song(yeah I heard it before I saw it) , it struck me as quite catchy. Ignore the 'pahua' bit..thats so 80's(Now its pegs).Infact I saw the original marathi song and although shabbily picturised , the tune was the doubt. 
Then I saw the famed song on TV. 

With the start of the song, Ms Kaif, comes lumbering into the frame.Her huge and immovable butt trying to ram into the camera lens. Then she tries a classic 'jhatka'...And I fell off my chair. What the hell are you doing,maam? The pelvis of a woman is decidedly much more flexible than a man, and hence women are naturals doing the jhatkas(you never almost see a man doing that). But but but, Ms Kaif managed to pull off the impossible,she made the jhatka look as un-sexy as possible. It was as if she was thrusting the ..err. ...base ,at  the camera. And believe you me, one never insults the camera and gets away with it. In the next frame Ms Kaif is shaking her boobs and trying to look 'seductive'..oh yeah with eyes like the 'joker in batman' doesnt leave much to imagination.

So the entire song, while the background dancers try their best to put some rythm into the beats, Ms Kaif, brutally mauls the beautiful dance moves. A gunny sack with mutton stuffed and jiggled infront of the frame could have been sexier.You can infact hear the cut to cut moves of the dance master. Jhatka..1,2,3, tilt your head...jhatka no2, 1,2,3,4.....chest thrust..1,2,3, smile. Okk,now lets have a boob shake..1,2..1,2..good..CUTT!!

As per her expressions , I have seen better and more expressive Manmohan Singh. Dear ms Kaif, you really cant get away with opening your pout everytime(whats wrong with her lips? ..too much plastic surgery or just plain bee bite?). Its highly deplorable that most of India finds you sexy. (as longs as you are gori and chikni..I guess you are the dreamgal). But please dont overdo it. Sexy and you are antonyms. Dont kill the famed item numbers please, they are a succor to us despo Indians.
Dear Ms Kaif,For classes please have a look at munni badnaam song. You will find the alleviation of that song to almost classic level by Malaika Arora. And look where have you got that pretty song into . Have a bit of shame . Only fat white butt will not get you art..! Neither will you be exonerated on the charges of murdering an awesome song . Here is wishing that someday justice will catch up with you and bring you to book !!

And will beat your oversized ass with a wide spatula to death.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Kya fayda?

Kya 'fayda' - Two foreigners(britons as I later found out) backpacking drew me and my freind's attention as we were standing by a chai shop. Swirling his tea he smirked ..'saale c*&*@# , pata nahin inko kya fayda milta hai ..ghar baar chod ke yahan khaak chaan rahen hai'..'kya fayda'!! 
This brought me up to another convo I had with a classmate when I was in IIT. I was pretty excited about a C++ class which was being offered as a part of the extra classes(for a nominal fee). He came up to me and asked innocently"Why are you taking this class? Isse kya fayda hoga?"

Cut to today. We were discussing which cycle is the best to buy. One of my friends made a very patronising remark that all said and done , no foreign made cycle could compare with Indian make ones for Indian conditions. I kind of chided him and said this was not so. The quality and construction of companies like Cannondale were far more superior..especially when you are in mountains or on rough terrains. He blurted out.."First you spend 18k on a cycle and then you take it to a mountain ..Kya fayda?"

Kya Fayda? Whats the profit? Hmm....he had a point!! Why climb mountains? Why river raft? Why read non-syllabii books? Why paint? Why write? Why learn 'non-work' software? Why travel? ..kya fayda?
True ..very true !
Kya fayda?I am not singling out my freind because I have heard this asked in a lot of places , by a lot of 'well meaning' people.
To question this we must understand the defination of fayda ! Fayda or profit means quite different things to different people,depending upon the status they occupy. We Indians(most of us billion strong) are at a such low level of existence that our Profit defination stops at monetary paradigm. We are so obsessed with money that even when we have plenty of it we really do not have the ability to think beyond it.

Thus we have rich houses and shabby public places. We live in dirt because we cannot understand the concept of cleanliness. We are religious but rarely spiritual, thats because a mind that stops at only money cant see the difference between the two. Places like puri and haridwar are living examples. We pay lip service to anti corruption drives , yet love taking a small bribe here and there. Because we cannot grow up to understand the concept of honesty.

All our extensive knowledge was of no use against foreign invaders because we never understood the concept of pride, shame and ego. We only understood money. And that was the only thing we got.

So, of course, those two foreigners collecting experiences and knowledge of a different land, enriching their memory and taking back valuable thoughts, were on a profitless mission.
No money=No Fayda

Sadly he forgot one important thing , despite such blatant stupidity , these people (400 of them) managed to rule over a million of us for quite some time.
But then is there any importance of asking such a question? Nope ! Kya fayda!!

PS: This is a work in progress, I intend adding a few more thoughts !!

Saturday, January 14, 2012


When do the tears flow ..
When do the thoughts slow...
When does the wind stop..
When does the dew drop..

When does the sands grind..
when does the sunshine find..
When does the day end..
When does the roads bend..

When does the search end..
when does the idea stand..
When does the time fly ..
When does a person die..

Thursday, January 12, 2012


This relates to an incindent which happened around a year back as I was travelling from Bhubaneswar to Vizag on a train. In the seat facing me there was this grand daddy who was talking to a youngish guy (around 20ish). Since I am generally lost in music or gazing out of windows most of the time ..I was as usual in my screen saver mode. I was jerked out of my  reverie by some real spirited argument by grand daddy about lack of knowledge about our culture and lack of respect for elders in the younger generation. He was reciting some shlokas and trying to make a point that 'see, I know better culture' .

That all is fine ..I have seen such oldies before so I ignored till he made a direct reference that 'All these media has corrupted our youth..just look ath the vulgarity and westernisation..our cultural values have vanished'...there is no respect for elders and values'?

I gave him a polite nod but that sparked off a chain of thoughts that I must put forward. First of all there are a few assumptions that we must examine

1. The youth of this generation is misguided.
2. The society today is highly violent and stressfull
3. The reason for this stress is materialism
4. Westernisation the root cause of social malaise
5. Culture and heritage means respect for elders

1. The youth of this generation is misguided.- Is it? I dont think so ! On the contrary I feel that this is he generation thats the best of what we could have prouced so far. Yes they havent done it alone but it is them who have catapulted India into the top league. without their dedication and hardwork and activism we would not be the vibrant country we are. Blaming them or making them feel guilty is not only stupid  but highly defeatist

2. The society today is highly violent and stressfull . -In 1947 we cut each others throats with impunity in the worst ever genocide in the sub-continent . Before that we had umpteen wars ,religious wars, political wars ...diseases and unhygenic and moronic medical practices that almost killed every second child ever born. Yet we think of past with rosy coloured lenses. Senility?

3. The reason for this stress is materialism- Quite the contrary. We are happy because of materials rather than despite them. Unless we deny air, water and food as matter , we really ARE materialism at its most beautiful and complex creation. Yet we try to take a high moral ground ONLY after our bellies are full .

4. Westernisation the root cause of social malaise- What we call westernisation today is the foundation of the modern Indian Society. We WERE great in the past but that was a different era. When the foreigners invaded us , we were a crumbling and rotting society who could not gather enough consensus to protect our lands and kingdoms. Westernisation led to every idea that we enjoy in India , including the concept of State nation. Trying to implement age old customs just because they are age old is like saying we should go to work on a bullock cart to office .

5. Culture and heritage means respect for elders-this is a real touchy topic. Expectation of respect only because of the fact that one has walked more time on earth is neither logical nor speaks of sophistication. Respect has to be earned and not begotten. A taken for granted and blind respect for anything old or remotely looking like old has ruined the country till now. This philosophy ''Respect me only because of the position I hold and not because of what I am saying right now" has robbed the country of its real wealth..intellectual honesty , and continues to do so !!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Junagarh Trip

Junagarh was high on a weekend plan from Jamnagar. SC Sharma, a coursemate and self , we thought that we have had enough of training per week and wanted to enjoy the weekend burning our bums on some nice leather. So we decided that it was Junagarh..

Anupam Dakua , bless his soul , very graciously offered us his beloved Karizma for the trip and after some last minute motivational talk provided by yours truly to SC on 30th night..We packed our bags for a whirlwind tour to Junagarh and back.

The whirlwind was supposed to start at 0700 in morning but whirlwind over slept .

And the wind started at 0900. After a bit of local navigation through jamnagar and we were off . SC was driving the first phase. After a few photo ops on the way we made good time till a place which had a temple called Sitamata temple. The funny part of this temple as I noticed was that part of the temple was typical jain archietecture(layerings on the wall) , a part of the temple was dome (pure dome) which was very very mughal and a part was like some old rustic house. It was like a frankenstien monster with individually beautiful parts and a hideous combo. And to top it all there was just no Sitamata in the temple. Turned out that it was some nagdevi(wtf)!!

The time was around 1030 and in the time honoured tradition of 'stand easy'..we stood easy at a tea stall for some tea and 'stuff'. Turned out that the only stuff he had was Ganthia, a kind of besan based crispy. We ordered a plate and tea. The ganthia surprisingly turned out to be quite eatable and the tea was first rate.[on a side thought, one thing you can never ever go wrong is tea on an indian road].
After a break at the temple and lots of shooting photos we started on a right turn towards Junagarh.

Many eventfull miles and a bit of sore bums later , we arrived at the fabled town of junagarh gates. Now there were two paths available to us . We could go to junagarh and see the Umerkot fort or take a diversion to Girnar Talej and start the climb to the amba devi temple on top. (for an aethiest, the number of temples I have been to would make my religious mother cry with pride). I like climbs(it screws up your legs and makes your mind go blank..a cheaper alternate to hallucinogens). So we drive towards Girnar Talej.

Now as we turned left , we could see the looming mountains at a distance.

This was such a welcome change to the otherwise featureless Gujju skyline. But as we neared , the girnar mountain kind of grew bigger and bigger. And somewhere on top there was this tiny weeny temple. Somehow it didnt seem too inviting.
So to gather a bit of motivation we stopped enroute to ask a father son duo sunbasking(at 1:30 pm in afternoon????) as to how was the climb?

"4 ghante lagte hain , abhi jaoge to kal hi laut paoge"(it takes 4 hrs to get on top , so you better plan to come down the next day).
We were like 'ok fine but what if we start climbing today and want to come down today itself'?

Mr father stretches himself and says "Haan kar sakte ho..par raat to sher khaa gaya to koi gurantee nahin hai ..jungle hai naa"(U can do it but no gurantee of a lion/tiger gets u at gurantee)

I mean seriously gujjus do have a sense of humor. Sher khaa gaya to gurantee nahin!!

Anyway we reach the base at around 2 pm. Buy a bottle of water and deposit our helmets at a shop selling religious items and then start the climb. The plan is to reach back and then go for lunch.

And so the climb starts. SC carries the bag and water. I get my DSLR out and we are on our way. The stairs are comfortably spaced and groves are cut into it to give a grip. There are shops on way selling nimbupani and water..and chips.
One thing that really saddens me is the amount of dirt in such places. Especially packets of chips. Anyway I have really no hope for the religious idiots so I dont expect too much of personal hygiene at such places either. I concentrate on my camera and trudge on.
In between , we stop and I take some real good shots. The sky becomes bluer as we start gaining height.
Anyway at approx 4 pm we reach the top and my altimeter watch says 1000m (we had started at 170 m ). Not bad .
We walk around . the entire top of the mountain is a conglomeration of jain and hindu temples. Jain temples are exquisite but dead and locked. The amba temple is small but is in use(no photography please).

We explore a bit and then move back.
Climb down takes almost exactly the same time as climb up. As we reach down , and ask for our helmets , the shop keeper almost falls off his chair . 'Upar tak jaake wapas aa gaye?' ..(yes!)....'poora upar tak gaye the?'....(where else?)...'accha'. I have a feeling that most people here do not do it as normal practice.We do a bit of stretching and cooling down and we are back on our bikes.
Anyway we are back and we are hungry and we need some decent lunch. A thali perhaps.
No such luck. Most restaurants are done with lunch (its approx 6 pm) and we are in no mood for snacks.
Just to satiate our hunger pangs we stop by a chat wala and order a dahipuri.
Now the dahi puri in most parts of India is basically the luchi(or poori), filled with sev, onions , aloo and a load of dahi. Here everything is in order except that 'load' of dahi is like a drop of dahi. I give a puzzled look to the vedor..he puts in another drop.Thats it? thats it!!
We ask him for directions to a good hotel and he points to a road. We ride on and on till we are bang inside junagarh. No hotel to be found.
We run into a 'pure non-veg' hotel which has no veg menu. Am a bit about non-veg so I ask for a veggie restaurant and he points us towards a place called Gita lodge(has good quality thali). We reach there and it seems that it will take another half an hour to start the preps.

We are so disgusted that we vote to start right back to Jamnagar as it was getting darker. So we start in full earnest only to realise that not only was it getting darker but also very very colder! To cut a long story short...after around 3 hours of balls freezing drive we arrive at deepak Juice centre at jamnagar. We down a chikoo shake and start for Valsura.
New year ball is in full swing and we are planning on joining it. We quickly take bath change and greet the new year with Kullu and family in high spirits .
Our thighs are jammed and knees are frozen but hey ...what are weekends for!!