Bapa ,my father ...
Coming from a big zamindaar family and being a very sensitive child , my father often had to face the short end of the deal in his family . His almost suicidally altruistic spirit landed him with loss of job, career and wealth even before we were born. Almost turned away by all those who he trusted , our family landed in Bhubaneswar with a little more than some jewelry and borrowings. The jewelry was stolen early and we were living off debts. Added to it the constant scourage of rental houses.
My early memories of bapa and maa was of him coming up on a cycle with groceries and me and sis being just happy to see him. We always felt that he had nothing in his mind except our comfort. Even the fights between maa and him were more or less about arranging stuff from us. His uprightness and in a way stubborness made him a hero in my mind.
I remember an incndent where maas jewelry was stolen and the police called him to the police station to identify the thief. The thief had sold off our jewelry but the kind inspector told us that we can have a part of the recovered loot...bapa flatly refused . That incident is still stuck in my mind...
As we passed out of school we went thru really rough times as I was not clearing many entrances and I knew even those I had cleared there was no chance as we had no money. I remember him managing some money here and there to send us for interviews. I was really depressed and angry at him for not 'doing enough'. However he kept his cool and would silently absorb the barbs. He would some how have the patience to cut fruits and bring it in evening ...I really cant forget his patience and love.
I got my job and moved out , my earnings suporting back home and sisters education. Sister moved out later, got a job and married. We moved into a house I bought and we got free of our rental woes...
Life moved on ...
In november 22 , in a phone talk with me , he complained of 'slight' breathlessness. For a man who never complained about his health it was a shocking thing for me. I rushed back on that day flight and next day blood test showed haemoglobin to be low(4.5). Rushed to a known haematologist Dr Priyanka samal at SUM Hospital and she recommended two units of blood and further tests.
A few days later the tests dropped a bomb on me. It was Acute Myeloid Leukemia (M2) and he was almost 80. The doctor called me and explained me that chemo at this stage would be pretty bad so we must continue with blood transfusion.
I couldt convince bapa that it was not a simple anemia as he believed it to be. We would be giving blood transfusions almost every two monthes. I forbade him to drive his beloved scooty.
I had finished my leave and came back to delhi. He had meanwhile driven his scoooty to the ATM and had a vomiting episode on its steps. Panicked I rushed back home in feb 22 and we went for the obligatory blood tests and transfusion . He was ok after the transfusion and we had taken a small trip to see a farmland we intended to buy. On 25th march we went to see the land in a car and on returning he complained of tiredness and pain in his knee. He coudnt get up and had a fever of 103 for a day ..called up the doc and rushed him to hospital. The doctor decided that the leukematic fluid had leaked and we had to start chemo.
It was the first time I had seen him go lifeless in my hands and I lost my mental balance in hospital. Almost broke down and cried.
I was there with him all through out the chemo and was the attendant , extended myu leave and we came home after the first session.
I applied for a transfer and came back as his second session was in progress at home. Shifted bag baggage and started going to office from home.
Towards mid june sis came to visit , she arrived on her bday 17th june , we cut a cake but I could sense that bapa was sleeping more than usual . On 19th he started gasping for breath and we rushed him to emmergency.
The doctor decided that he had gone into septic shock and his cardiac systema and kidney were infected. He stayed in ICU till 28th june and regained concious ness .His first words to me were 'you only saved me ' seein him I couldnt control myself , broke down and cried.
I knew we were on borrowed time . I was with him as an attendant and did everything possible to comfort him . Cleaning and feeding him was something I felt privilaged. He couldn speak much but he understood.
On 9th evening he had a video call with my sisters kid , told him hello and bye and suddenly his bp stsrted falling and he had to be taken to ICU.
On 11th morning 0630 the doctor intimated that he had passed away.
Life without bapa was something unimaginable to me and still is. I lost the only man who really loved me and I knew he knew how much I loved him. I somehow feel lost and scared that he wont be 'there'..
