Saturday, October 31, 2009

Who Am I to judge?

Good bad and not so bad...
rag tag and not so rag tag...
A tear here and a mend there..
All patched up here and there...

You , me , all of us..
Some dead..some dying and some living dead
Some blood , some flesh and rotting pus..
A dullard , numbskull and the bright head

Who is right , who is wrong?
Who gives a roar over a song?
Who draws the final line..
Who ties the last twine..

Logic and reason
...have but one season
Passing bye and waving bye
One standing while the chain lies

Trust and fame ..
All the same ...
Betrayal and ignonmity ..same same
Wild and tame..

All flavours ..
All tastefull and rage
Some like chocolate some like fudge..
Any way who am I to judge?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Exchanging Lives..Averaging out

I used to watch an ad that kind of starts with a kid wanting to have a bike..the bike guy wanting to have a car..the car guy wanting to have a girl..the man with a girl wanting to get richer..and the circle completes with the rich guy wanting to have flowing hair like the kid .

Quite a nice ad .

Infact this ad is the perfect starting piece of this post.

The issue I want to talk about is about the fact that how we always get to thinking "I wish I was as lucky as the other bastard". Even I used to have these thoughts especially in school.
We never had had a palatial house. It was just a simple 2 BHK house..basic.
And whenever I used to visit my freinds I used to look at their "separate" rooms ..decorated with pop icons ..I used to envy that kind of "rich". I still remember seeing a cycle in someones own separate room and thinking .."wow..thats so american"....! I remember the happiness of hearing the "spirit of rangeela" on a Philips "Micro monster"(I think that was a midi music system ...but compared to the miserable 2 in one we had at home was nothing short of a bose). I remember idolising that crumpled jeans look with those "expensive" sneakers ...It was the height of fashion.
But somewhere after my 12th ..and especially after passing out of NEC my thoughts changed. And that change made me look at things in what I think is a better perspective.
My thought was this..

If I envy someones life..I have to import his entire life. Not a piecemeal barter. For example if I liked someones bike..I have to import not only his bike but his entire life..and THEN ask if its worth the barter.
So I tried thinking on those lines . Next time I looked at some ones expensive car ..then asked for the barter ..I realised that the overall package I had was the best one could ever have.Somehow that thought made me feel at peace.

The moot point is that everyones life in a way averages out. If you have a great house..maybe your wife is crazy..If your wife is great,maybe its your son who is trying to murder you...etc etc.
You will not have everything..thats the bad news. Everyone is in the same shit as you are..thats the good news..

Enjoy while it is too short!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The reason for divorce

I have been thinking about a lot of issues that I wanted to write in my blog ..but kept on postponing it. Today is a holiday and I must tackle a very sensitive issue..!

One of my very close freinds is going through a divorce. Infact he came to know that his wife has served a notice for divorce around three days back ..and today he is flying to his in laws town to get his representation in court there.
Kind of funny when you ask me because precisely three days back he was talking to his wife about patching up . Infact he was speaking of his wife as an innocent soul who had been waylaid by her mother(herself separated from her husband). He was justifying the fact that maybe his wife was a simpleton and he had been making too many demands on her maybe thats the reason she wants to stay away from him for sometime..etc etc.

My heart breaks for this guy because I have seen two other people go through the same phase in my life ...again very very close classmates. A phase where there is severe denial that there is fundamentally something wrong in the marriage. A phase where either refuses to accept the inevitibility of the fall. A phase where a fracture is read as a minor crack.

That makes me think what went wrong here? Why a divorce? Why do they happen?
Now I can cite atleast a hundred COSMO issues that give "communication failure" etc as the "cause" ...but I think its a fallacy. Its like trying to say that you have fever because you have temperature. No, fever might have a cause like infection and an effect like temperature but temperature is the resultant of the cause and not vice versa.

Similarly Lack of Communication is not the cause of divorce , its only a symptom which pre empts a divorce. So what is the exact cause ?

I feel that the seeds of divorce are sown along with marriage ,like a twin tree. As you move forward in marriage you start slowly nurturing the marriage tree and undernourishing the divorce sapling....till the divorce sapling withers .

Now if you have a strong divorce sapling..any amount of undernourishment will not be able to kill it.

Now what makes a divorce seed /sapling stronger ? Its a simple word " compromise".
Before you start pulverising me ..let me explain.

A marriage involves lots of compromise ...but marriage itself should not be a compromise. There is a difference.

A lot of marriages are compromises for money, libido or ego. Since they start as compromises the entire exercise slowly drains out the partners and the divorce sapling grows stronger at the cost of marriage sapling.
A marriage which is uncompromising depends upon the fundamental liking for each other(mind you..I am not talking of love here..its a mutual liking). Rest everything comes later..even compromises. Compromises after marriage in such a marriage is generally willing and is done because fundamentally both partners feel that its worth them liking their partner.
Food habits, clothing , culture and ethos are things that people compromise upon but they never compromise on the idea of marriage itself.

That is the fundamental difference between "compromised marriage" and "compromises after marriage",the first most likely leading to a divorce (or at most a very unhappy marriage) and the second leading to a stable one...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Nice orbit

Ever since I joined the Dockyard in Vizag..Life has been a spin. The pace is maddening and almost always there is some work or the other. Since I was in IIT , I used to think that I will miss the lazy days of the campus..I will miss the comfort of being in jeans and t shirt ..I will miss the total lack of responsibility..etc etc..

However contrary to what I thought..I am loving it here. Although I get a wee bit nostalgic about my freinds like Pradeep and Vijay Venu...I really do not miss the lazy life in IIT. Not that the life was any cake walk but somehow it was way way less hectic than it is now. Here its the life of a ping pong bat to another...!

But somehow it never felt better. When I visit equipments, ships,shop floors and men at work...when I contribute something at a technical or managerial level..I feel so much more fulfilled. Its as if "this is where I belong..this is heaven". Maybe its the initial euphoria it whatever you want ..but I feel great.

More so because slowly I am getting into a regular physical routine with games and run also..Plus there is something worth waiting for and I am enjoying aiting for that new arrival in my life..

All in all a good package if you discount my mothers comment "tu aaj kal kaun se orbit mein rehta nahi kar sakta?"

Nice orbit...just a few revolutions to rev up the joy!