Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Delhiwalas

Barbaade gulistan karne ko ek hi ullu kaafi hai..
Har Shaakh pe ullu baithe hain..anjame gulistan kya hoga..

(one owl is the harbringer of destruction of the garden...with one owl sitting on everybranch of the wonders what will be the state of the garden)

There are a very few guys from Delhi I knew before I joined Navy and I got to know a few after I joined the Navy. To tell the truth I found them extremely vulgar and loud. Infact I wondered why are they so? I mean was it just a coincindence or maybe Delhi has got something to do with it? I almost got an answer when I visited Delhi for the fourth time this winter. It WAS doubt , which accounted for the vulgar nature of its citizens. While I was almost pained to see that the Capital of our country was nothing more than a hilly billy village on steroids ...I started collating the common nature of this crappy city which it passed on to its citizens.

1. Never accept responsibility/defeat/blame- The ground rule of a traffic etiquette in Delhi is this "if u hit a car ...before you get out to survey the damage ..start blaming the other guy" . This centrel philosophy translates into the fact that "watever I did ..its not my fault". Perhaps this is a direct cultural passover from the large political mass that inhabit this space . One can never make a delhi citizen accept that he is wrong. A Delhite is NEVER wrong. So when two Delhites are at loggerheads this presents a problem..becos u see none of them is wrong ,and yet a mistake has been commited. So how does the Delhites go about delegating responsiblity..Simple. The man with least "jugad" loses. The outcome of this topsy turvy logis is that no Delhite ever tries to correct himself..he tries to get more "jugaad".

2. Meddle in everything - A delhite is the self appointed empty vessel of India. He knows about everything and anything he doesnt know about is noyt worth knowing. For example a truck owner is the self appointed messiah of not only his truck but also the unofficial advisor to Transport Minister and arranger of the "best" wedding in delhi. A delhite it even a lowly labourer will take unnecessary interest in your love life and tell you baba ramdsevs latest tantric sex poses..its immaterial to him that you have been giving him dirty looks for the last half an hour. A delhite's way of showing love is trying to poke his nose into your personal affairs ..and then get hurt when you refuse him his this "basic " right.

3. Louder is better- A Delhite believes in "management by decibels". His way of going through life is to shout his enemies into submission. If he is right he shouts and if he is wrong he shouts louder. This works with non-delhites as they just oblige to keep him quiet..but heaven forbid when the opponent is another delhite . The shouting match spinsd out of control till one of them is killed by ilegal firearm.

4. Rules are made to be broken- A delhite sincerely believes that rules are minor inconvineinces that are a hurdle to daily living. So one will find Delhites breaking traffic rules(even when there is no need), dirtying airports , railway stations and roads. Somehow the guards are always missing from their place of duty , somehow no one seems to know any procedure and somehow there is tremendous lack of self discipline. The corollary to this ruke(that rules are made to be broken) is that the bigger jugaad you have the bigger rule you can break.

5. Superb Self delusion - Despite contrary feed back from the entire nation a delhite is sure that the rest of hindustan is just jealous of him because he has the widest roads, best eateries and T3 terminal. He seriously believes that its impossible for someone not to respect his "jugaad" and his connections. No wonder that outside delhi he is a terribly hated and lost character.

Apart from all this the typical delhite is a conglomeration of the worst of the Punjabi,Jat and U.P cultures. He doesnt have any cultural etiquettes or roots. His entire life is spent making life miserable for other Delhites who in turn do the same to him. His car is a mess of dents which other delhites have given him(despite the "best roads"), his day is spent quarelling with his fellow Dehlites for every simple thing and his spare time is spent admiring his family pack pot belly and planning of spending(and dirtying) hill stations of India.

The best part is that when a Delhite comes out to the "rest of India" he is beaten ,bruised and slapped into getting out of his "delhi culture" ...A painful process which no doubt troubles him but is somehow quite therauputic to the rest of India . And then he starts missing Delhi ki Ga(a)liyaan ;)


Rakhi Sinha said...

Hai inni utaar di hum dilliwaalon ki...:(...inni jyada!?......matlab, ullu bana diya humko..."I got to know a few after I joined the Navy. To tell the truth I found them extremely vulgar and loud." !!!!!!! aao tum agli baar...I m waiting...eagerly!!...!!...!!

Piyush Das said...

Arrey why are you getting senti..I wasnt talking about NOIDAwallas... ;)