Sunday, April 10, 2011

Compromise

As always the seed for this thought arises from many "well meaning" suggestions regarding my marriage. One of my juniors(actually elder by age ..and yes happily married) said to me "sir, I have seen that u dont compromise..thats so detrimental to u finding a bride..u have to compromise in marriage".
Fine. Cool.Point taken.

So before a decision is taken I have to be in compromise mode ?

The issue got me thinking about this almost pathological mode of "compromise" we Indians live in. Yes ..we are always ready for "compromise"! We are always ready with our "truce proposals". And the best part is that we are never demanding and we feel happy about it. We feel so proud of this ability that we flaunt it to the world.

The flip side is that we never demand wat we want..we demand a compromise. And we do get results as expected.
We never demand good quality roads..we demand a compromise with potholes. We never demand a good quality governance..we get a coalition hotch potch. We dont demand quality food and hence we get un-hygenic dish dash..
The saddest part is that when it comes to ourselves we too demand nothing . We ask for a compromise. With the disastrous results that we are half baked individuals. We do not know weather to be an excellent brother, father, husband or individual. We end up being a pot pourri of confused emotions and disastrous priorities.
The ironic part is that demanding quality and getting quality is so much reachable. We have just havent had the enuf guts to try it. Yes there will be a fight at the start and its that fight that we are taught to avoid. We have lost the guts to fight for something we trust will give quality.
I have had many an opportunities where I did try in my small way to try out this theory of mine . and it has wrked out fine...and i was surprised by the ease with which it happened.
Just to mention one small incident.
Getting a four wheeler driving license is considered a compromise with morals to pay a bribe in many parts of India. And this was the first part of the issue. I had no four wheeler driving license and I tried getting one in Kerala. (of all places !!). So I thought..lets try to take the straight way .
I went to the RT office and gave the test in front of a computer..passed. Paid the required 150 rupees..as fees. Learnt driving and gave it the legitimate way. Passed. Got my DL.
oops!!
where was the compromise that we are talking of..?
Why are we ready for a compromise when there isnt actually any need for one?
Our education system is another. We compromise with bad teaching because we never demand quality. IIT was an eye opener in this regards.
The teachers were on average good but then the students were so used to compromise that they didnt prod them . But ask the right questions and the teachers were a revealation. They would respond with equal fervour . And in case of bad teaching there is always youtube and wikipedia to refer..! So why dont you demand quality teaching? why do u compromise before even testing the waters?
I love trekking and mountaineering. And I was told that "yaar..aaj kal time nahin milta"..Frankly I have had no issue with time as far as my hobbies are concerned. I have almost trekked , cycled , rafted every year of my life.
"yaar..aaj kal log acche nahin hain.."..I had no issues with them at all. Infact despite a few pit falls almost all of my closest freinds..classmates, IIT guys, relations ,freinds have been awesome people. Where are the trecherous people I had heard of?

Yes , I have had to remove unwanted priorities..Yes I have had to be straight and cut out frills , yes, I had to avoid a few people and yes I had to let go a few things . But in the end I have ended with quality people, time and material things. Its possible .

Why do we decide on giving up and living with compromises when there is absolutely no need?
Any explanations?

9 comments:

the world as i see it said...

Slightly differ from ur take sir.. compromise is not always diluting your expectations but also some kind of a reality check.. sometimes what we perceive as "THE THING".. might not actually be the best in the business.. and it only helps oneself to take a reality check and may be trim a few corners b4 prusuing the "revised goal".. at the end of the day there is no point running widout a goal in sight... my opinion and am sure u will differ from it... :)

Piyush Das said...

@pradip, I agree with u there shud be a mid course correction..but if you are constantly thinking of correction..u will never be able to actually expierance the course. I have a problem with people who are assuming that the thing is worth a compromise without checking that if it does require a compromise. Its not intelligent correction..its a part of a compromise addiction syndrome .

Piyush Das said...

soorry venkat...addressed it to the wrong guy . :(

the world as i see it said...

ha ha thats ok sir.. nevertheless ur blog seemed to suggest ther shdnt be any compromise watsoever... thats wat i probably felt was bein too rigid and slightly if i can use the word more "egoistic"... also w.r.t ur take on "intelligent correction".. probably ppl make corrections/compromises as watever u can call it dependin upon their "intellect"... i wdnt certainly say that makin compromises shd be the way of life, but certainly not makin one widout any justfiable reason is as gud as not stoppin from ur run jst coz u feel this aint the goal.. sooner or later u will run out of steam n probably stop elsewhere wer u might regret not stoppin earlier at a better place u looked over for not so justifiable reasons...

Piyush Das said...

The crux of this article is this. Separate out your priorities in life and then pursue them with all honesty. Dont go out to play with an aim to compromise or somehow avoid defeat. Play it to win and give it your best. If you go with a mentality of compromise you have already lost the game .
The ironic part is that to be able to give that much attention you have to at some level cut out lesser priorities (and THAT may be a compromise).
For example if you are prioritizing ,lets say some game (foot ball for eg)..You have to compromise on your morning free time...your evening outings etc etc. That is not compromise ..that is prioritizing.
Now if you start playing football and then start thinking ki "I hope we are able to reach a tie..or atleast avert defeat" ....thats compromise in thinking. You havent started the game yet and you are ready for a defeat .

the world as i see it said...

well thats very very true... cdnt agree more... but the name of the game or "compromise" is timin.. bad timin either too early or too late can kill the fun jst like spoilin a gud joke.. ;)

Piyush Das said...

Its not abt timing as its about attitude. If fate intends you to lose..give it a good fight..
And in most cases you will see that fate was waiting with the prize just meters after u gave up.

Yemula Pradeep said...

Just happen to read this. My take is this... When one is ready to compromise, then they assume the other party also have to compromise on something else. In India compromise is a bargaining chip!! I compromise on your short comings, and so you are morally obligated to compromise on my short comings. So we are in this loop of finding faults with others and finding comfort and justification in our own faults. Ultimately, we end up applying this on ourself also, making life itself a compromise. This should not be so. Need not be so.

Piyush Das said...

Pradeep, So much agree with you. Really need not be so. Men made rules can be broken by men (and of course women). The only thing guiding one would be self hapiness . (preferably but not necesssarily, without causing grief to fellow human beings )