Saturday, January 28, 2012

Chikni Chameli's murder

 The first time I heard the ''Chikni Chameli" Song(yeah I heard it before I saw it) , it struck me as quite catchy. Ignore the 'pahua' bit..thats so 80's(Now its pegs).Infact I saw the original marathi song and although shabbily picturised , the tune was the doubt. 
Then I saw the famed song on TV. 

With the start of the song, Ms Kaif, comes lumbering into the frame.Her huge and immovable butt trying to ram into the camera lens. Then she tries a classic 'jhatka'...And I fell off my chair. What the hell are you doing,maam? The pelvis of a woman is decidedly much more flexible than a man, and hence women are naturals doing the jhatkas(you never almost see a man doing that). But but but, Ms Kaif managed to pull off the impossible,she made the jhatka look as un-sexy as possible. It was as if she was thrusting the ..err. ...base ,at  the camera. And believe you me, one never insults the camera and gets away with it. In the next frame Ms Kaif is shaking her boobs and trying to look 'seductive'..oh yeah with eyes like the 'joker in batman' doesnt leave much to imagination.

So the entire song, while the background dancers try their best to put some rythm into the beats, Ms Kaif, brutally mauls the beautiful dance moves. A gunny sack with mutton stuffed and jiggled infront of the frame could have been sexier.You can infact hear the cut to cut moves of the dance master. Jhatka..1,2,3, tilt your head...jhatka no2, 1,2,3,4.....chest thrust..1,2,3, smile. Okk,now lets have a boob shake..1,2..1,2..good..CUTT!!

As per her expressions , I have seen better and more expressive Manmohan Singh. Dear ms Kaif, you really cant get away with opening your pout everytime(whats wrong with her lips? ..too much plastic surgery or just plain bee bite?). Its highly deplorable that most of India finds you sexy. (as longs as you are gori and chikni..I guess you are the dreamgal). But please dont overdo it. Sexy and you are antonyms. Dont kill the famed item numbers please, they are a succor to us despo Indians.
Dear Ms Kaif,For classes please have a look at munni badnaam song. You will find the alleviation of that song to almost classic level by Malaika Arora. And look where have you got that pretty song into . Have a bit of shame . Only fat white butt will not get you art..! Neither will you be exonerated on the charges of murdering an awesome song . Here is wishing that someday justice will catch up with you and bring you to book !!

And will beat your oversized ass with a wide spatula to death.

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