I may not be the wisest bloke...

I may not be the wisest bloke...
But I am not really a fool u know...
I see rains for rains as they are..
And I see the snow for snow..

I may not say a smart word today..
I may keep shut...
Its another thing to be a dandy cookie..
and another thing to an observer but..

Games that people play...
May not end up in joys always..
I dont want this game ..
For this I really do not enjoy..

You may want to play the games...
That you have always played and won..
Wont work with me ,dude
for me the game is not on...

You can say your sweet words ..
And I will nod to same..
my mind will shake its light head..
and ponder over your words so lame..

You can thump your chest and proclaim the win..
Over wits,money and fame ..
I am walking away from you ..
for me its all the same..

You have lost the game with me..
It doesnt matter what you say..
you are out of my sphere , dude..
it doesnt matter what you lay..

Goodbye to your games and saccharin talk..
we will see who wins ...
Who fakes a victory of life..
And who really walks the walk..

I may not be the wisest bloke...
But I am not really a fool u know...
I see rains for rains as they are..
And I see the snow for snow..

It doesnt take much to break.

It doesnt take much to break..
A word , touch or a simple shake..
Lightly put at the wrong place ..
Does the mind it displace..
A crack , a tear..
a whimper of fear..
a sound ..
a persona wound..
gives away to unfair wind..
questions that bind...
on the precipice of thought..
of threads sold and bought..
who thinks of wat happens..
when the mind stiffens...
A crash a bang ...
wasnt always what rang..
Love can die a silent death..
without a funeral ,without a wreath
A ceremony isnt all that one needs..
a scratch is all that bleeds...

Not interested..

I dont know if everyone goes through a phase in life where he/she is somewhere not interested in wat goes around. But I somehow have a strong feeling of passing through that stage where actually very little bothers me and I am really interested in a very narrow range of things...

I have this feeling that somehow I am observing the world from a height where I can point out the futility of it all ...work, life ,relationships etc. Sometimes I find the seriousness of others actually puzzling. Seriousness about life ..about small things in life . sometimes I actually virtually tap them on the shoulders and say ' err why dont we grow up?"..

Most things actually look petty to me nowadays. And more so when people make sweeping statements ,I feel like saying " how come u are so sure of that?". There is a certain lack of belief in any system that I find creeping inside me and instead of being scared I am quite enjoying it.

The flip side of this whole expierance is that I have started looking down on some kind of persons..persons who feel that they are important,persons who are self proclaimed martyrs, persons who are very sure of their faith, persons who are manipulative, persons who refuse to acknowledge what lies before them...and many more.
I dont think thats a great idea to look down on some one ..because that makes me very negative about most of the things. Its difficult to have faith when u look down on people . Its not a good thing ...maybe.

so wat do i feel like doing..

I want to take a vacation with my sketchpad and go to Diu and finish 100 sketches a day ..I want to fill all the sketchbooks i have bought..finish all the colors I have...I want to take a short course on applied mathematics..learn matlab better...i want to write a story...i just want to sit and look at people...I want to read ayn rand...I want to drive ...i want to learn proper gymming..

And not really feel like doing..
talking to stupid people, attending stupid functions, giving stupid exams and doing stupid mundane things which really have a negative contribution on my grey matter..

Who are the people I like to be with.

I like to be with people who are inherently intelligent and funny . If I am asked to define as to wat "kind" of people I love..One answer wud sum it all ..intelligent and ireverent. Somehow I have found these qualities so intrinsincally linked that its difficult to find a really intelligent guy/gal who cant laugh at him/herself. And such guys are fun to be with ... the days seem so short with such human beings . And somehow these guys can appreciate the value of things like silence and music and do not exert themselves or try too hard. Thats the beauty of such people..and the best part is that they are ignorant of this quality. Somehow I like being around such people..they make me happy and the world seems a much better place with these guys around. Words like "love" ,"respect" , "appreciation" and "honesty" suddenly appear to have a tangible meaning with these people . One tends to get lulled into a great sense of security which perhaps is possible otherwise with alcohol or drugs. Such people are capable of elevating a moment of mundaneness to that of extraordinary . A simple phone conversation can jump into the realm of intoxication..A discussion has the potential to become philosophical and a video can take on profound dimensions ..while at the same time Gods can be reduced to a joke or respectable holy cows to their lowly sheds. Thats the fun...And fun is something that these people take seriously and maybe thats very important...

Loneliness

One of my very close freinds once read my blog on "expiriance" and suggested I write about loneliness..

Here I go..

First thing first , I never felt lonely ever in my life. Infact I am one of the few guys who enjoy solitude. Solitude is wat I look forward to...And while equating solitude with loneliness is not fair, i wud dare call solitude "enjoyable loneliness". So wat must "sad loneliness" feel like?

I must imagine it must feel like hell . It must feel like someone has wrenched a part of your body and that place feels hollow and empty...yes, maybe loneliness is much like emptiness . Emptiness of heart and soul that somehow makes you feel that u are one half of some godforsaken project ..in which the other half is somehow not under control. Maybe the other half is not always a person but a persona ..! Persona which one has himself built ..So loneliness in a way a self created illusion.

Look at it this way. You wre creating a persona of a person who in "your" perception made you "not lonely" . Hmmm..interesting. Which means that the persona is your own creation and somehow under your control ..but nope..u ant to give it a free will. So it wanders on its own and makes you "sad lonely"..! bloody hell wat am I talking??

Sorry boss .."sad lonely" isnt my cup of tea...I give up !

The expierance..

Sometimes we come across some expierances which are so honest that we

wonder if its actually true ..And the basic underlying fact of honesty ironically

makes it even more illusive. You want to hold it so tight that sometimes you

feel it slipping rite thru your fingers ...hold it tighter and it slips faster..! I wonder if thats the beauty of it all...maybe the slippage itself is a part of the scheme of larger things..the feeling of the slip being as much a part of expierance as the sands itself..? may be ..maybe not? Who am I to comment on something thats beyond me...

That expierance could be the shower of yellow flowers on a solitary tree..that expierance could be the wide blue sky..a well designed furniture..a handsome human ...fleeting foot prints on the beach or a conversation..

You want to relive it yet again and again because somehre it moved you beyond the drudgery of mundane ..you ant to relive it because somewhre you realise that life is a bit more dragging . But then that expierance has a mind of its own..u cant dictate it to do ur bidding..its free and in its freedom lies its strength . If it was repetative maybe it wouldnt have the same power to move you.

It will come to you in another form ..it will move you..exhillarate you and titilate you ..but but but on its on terms . And boy are those terms tough..but yes it can be done..it can be repeated ..provided you seek that and that alone.

You cant superficially fool it ..u cant buy it...u have to keep improving urself in the hope that someday that expierance will oblige you ...And wait for its mercy..

And maybe that expierance will take pity on you and consider you worth the while to move you..Till then just ait and raise urself...thats all you can do and thats all u must do..If you really ant it ...that is..

Characteristics of hapiness...

Nope its not about pursuit of Naomi Cambell ..and then it may be also. In

keeping with my original goal of doing what makes me happy...I was

thinking as to what is it that makes me happy?Can I put it in some format of

thought? Can I build a set with it..?What are the characterisics of my

hapiness?Hmm..lets list it out..

1. Process as opposed to object- My hapiness has the characteristics of process

not an object. The difference is important. Because an object has very different

characteristics to that of a process in the sense that a process is dynamic while

an object is static.Neither is superior but then the essence of a process is that it

keeps changing shape and form and the bar keeps shifting.

2. Means - As far as my on hapiness is concerned..it shoudlnt come at the cost

of someone elses. I will not as far as possible try occupying someone elses

fields ..rather I will try to grow my own plants . This may seem as a rather

altrusitic point till one sees it only as common sense. If I tread on thers

happiness not only I create an enemy but I waste my resources trying to get

someone elses pants..which of course may not fit me properly.

3. Beauty- This is the final and the motive behind hapiness. If I find no beauty in the particular hapiness then there will be disharmony. Satyam Shivam sundaram ...Truth alone is beautiful .What is not beautiful is not the truth. And what is not truth is transient and hence is incapable of giving last hapiness. In a way this IS the final basis...The only basis. And beauty can exist in a spoonful of caviar or in Naomi Campbell ;)

Why dont you keep shut? you think you are too smart? Dont ask stupid questions. There is no answer . Thats known only to God. We are not suposed to ask such questions. Wat makes u think everything has a logic? Faith and trust makes the world go around. Someday you will grow up. Why dont you get married? Marriage will reform you. You need a girl not logic. Everything cant be explained by science. Shut up.

Morality and immorality...

Sometimes back I had an interesting conversation regarding some reality TV show called "Emotional Atyachar". In case you are from mars..this is a programme based on partners cheating on each other...! The discussion turned tangential to actual programme and someone made a comment "thats so immoral"...! Somehow post that discussion the pharse kept banging on my head "thats so immoral"...hmmm...interesting...!

So lets discuss immorality..

What is immoral? By what we set "moral" standards? Where is the reference for morals? Who defines what is immoral? Society, Religion or is there an absolute set of morals that we just "know". Do we just "know" that murder is immoral or we consider murder immoral because society as a majority sets the standards..?
For example what would be the morality of cannibalism in a cannibalistic society? Will eating a fellow human being be considered "immoral" in such a society? Will a cannibal "know" that a human kebab is "immoral"?
By that example wouldnt every society have its own "morals"..? Wouldnt that make morals a relative term rather than an absolute standard?
And if morals are so shifty that they change on geographical uprooting..what makes them sacred ? Why are we so after such a thing that is so so relative?
Why do we base our life on such morals?
Would it not be better to base our judgement on say something like "power"..?
Wouldnt it be nice if we just hand over our rule book to the guy with the biggest gun? Because then the "morality" would be backed by "power" and not arbritary standards? If the guy says its moral..it is..otherwise face the gun?

Wait a minit..isnt that what its all about?

What we call "society" is a set of people who have a hierarchial structure and the biggest guy sets the morals , isnt it? Call it the King, Parliament or Pope. Isnt it all about the "guy with the biggest gun"?
And whats the point of having morals without punishment? So who decides the punishment ? Again the guy who "can"..voila ..the "guy with the biggest gun"...
So at the end of the day its not about an absolute standard but a "jiski laathi uski bhains"...manual for morals.
Funny isnt it ? how we base our lives on the diktats of the guy with the "laathi"...
Hillarious to be feeling so sacred about it....!

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde ;)

trying...

Trying hard to be a good ..trying hard to be bad

trying hard to be happy..trying hard to be sad..

..trying hard to laugh..trying hard to cry.

trying hard to welcome..trying hard to say "bye"...

trying hard to learn...trying hard to unlearn..

trying hard to be soft ..trying hard to be stern..

trying hard to remember ..trying hard to forget...

trying hard to imbibe...trying hard to beget..

trying hard to listen..trying hard to be deaf..

trying hard to be flexible..trying hard to be stiff..

trying hard to be blind..trying hard to see..

trying hard to live ,,and trying hard to die.....