Pebbles...

 Bapa ,my father ... Coming from a big zamindaar family and being a very sensitive child , my father often had to face the short end of the deal in his family . His almost suicidally altruistic spirit landed him with loss of job, career and wealth even before we were born. Almost turned away by all those who he trusted , our family landed in Bhubaneswar with a little more than some jewelry and borrowings. The jewelry was stolen early and we were living off debts. Added to it the constant scourage of rental houses.  My early memories of bapa and maa was of him coming up on a cycle with groceries and me and sis being just happy to see him. We always felt that he had nothing in his mind except our comfort. Even the fights between maa and him were more or less about arranging stuff from us. His uprightness and in a way stubborness made him a hero in my mind.  I remember an incndent where maas jewelry was stolen and the police called him to the police station to identify the t...

Sometimes I think ..and maybe its true that I am so much obsessed by myself that I rarely have time for other people. Be that as may..I feel that if I am able to understand even one guy..why shouldnt that guy be me. After all I am investing so much time in 'understanding' . If I have to improve why not me? If I have to love..why not me? Before someone gets me started on sharing and caring bullshit..I sincerely hope that he/she/it is not an Indian. Because I dont know why but I have lost faith in anything said by an Indian(Generally..I am sure there ARE great Indians..but they are too miniscule to make any real real difference).And why 'they' Indians? Because I feel that majority defines the state of the nation..the feel of the nation and the nature of reaction. Somehow I do have a feeling of being caught up in a melee of bumbling Idiots who do not say what they mean..they scarcely know what their true feelings are..shallow dumbasses who are given to loud rhetoric and s...

Recently , during a session we had a personality test and some team building exercises(the ones corporates generally organise). And there were three tests on personality, The Johari Window, Personality types, and FIRO-B tests. While seemingly innocuous and simple, I was struck by the counterintuitive results of these tests. The things that came out probably were so shocking for people that I remember the gaping mouth of a team member. It was a gape of shock at the tests ..not that they were shocking but they were true(well to a large generic extent) . I was myself astonished at how true the tests were and how close they were to my personality. 

 Delhi was never my favourite city , infact it was one of the worst cities I had ever vistied. Rough weather , Rash people and unfreidly vibes . I had visited Delhi perhaps once during my school times and once en route to an adventure camp. And both expierances had been bad..Perhaps due to the largeness of the city or perhaps due to the oversmartness of people here. That being said I moved to Delhi in late 2013 from Mumbai , December to be exact . And the incoming wasnt exactly welcoming. Long distances to work, bad traffic, really bad accomodation and a hostile work boss.  I somehow compromised and pushed on. Of course the weekends were planned on visting monuments , Qutab minar, National Museum, Going for cycling rides with groups like Bikat to Amer fort,Photowalks with walking groups etc. Pradeep from IIT visted and we went on a ride on the gurgaon highway towards jaipur , having snacks at a dhaba, went on a trek to Panwali Kantha with the Bikat group, took a course in cont...

 These last two years have been one of the most blank years of my life. Its as if everything somehow conspired to suck the joy out of my living. I stopped painting, writing, socialising..even studying...almost everything I enjoyed and had enjoyed for so many years. Its as if nothing excited me anymore. I remember the days when I used to go for photowalks, cultural shows, outdoor painting sessions , ceramics pottery, films ..and so many things. I used to have a small etching studio and remember taking long and exciting trips to chandni chowk for copper plates and nitric acid. I used to buy and use wood planks in many projects I used to build. I used to be excited and curious about almost everything. Then as if suddenly everything stopped..without reason just died. It was not corona or lockdown because I used to bake and make lebanese , mediteranean food and even bake during lockdowns ..It was something else and I do not know what it was or is... I stopped 'doing'.  Got into a m...

A virus is a small piece of essentially simple molecule with a very small fingerprint that essentially latches on to a productive DNA and uses that DNA to replicate itself . After it has finished replicating, it kills the cell and bursts forth to 'infect' other cells. The virus molecule itself is essentially harmless and useless and does not do anything productive neither for itself nor for others. Its essential aim is just to replicate by hacking into a productive system by using the system itself. In fact its aim is to just produce more useless molecules and take over and kill any productive ecosystem. There is no 'why' for this to happen. The virus has no long term plan. It doesn't really care for sustainable reproduction. Its aim is just to multiply as long as it can ...thats its simple aim. The point is that it is very efficient and even organisms far more capable or efficient fall prey to it. They let it in and it uses the system to destroy itself befor...

Every structure be it organisation , process or material can be objectively judged by only one criteria " efficiency" . First of all does it do what it's supposed to do with minimum use of resources. For eg take "crying" .. Crying is very different process at different times. Sometimes it's to express sorrow , sometimes to relive stress , sometimes for show. It should be efficient in all it's processes otherwise there is no requirement for that process. The same goes for culture and traditions. They are supposed to make subsidiary social processes efficient towards building a more efficient society and man. The most critical part of building an efficient system is honest and brutal feedback. There can't be anything but a brutal feedback towards cutting all crap and making processes efficient. The failure to incorporate feedback is the hubris of any process. And repetitive feedback generally leads to the simplest and most efficient structure / proces...