The only way to block it out is either to paint or write or read but these are so temporary respites that I wonder how will I continue to live with it for the entire life. :(
I would have left it at that if it was just in my head...but issue is that it fucks me around physically. You see ,it HAS to move. So I am left with wandering all around mountains and cities to cater to its whims. And point is that there is no option to reason with it.It just WANTs. I try telling it..boss, 'next time, this is going to be a bit tight' but doesnt work. It just doesnt work.
And with people..its the worst. There is a basic decency and politeness and respect for people. You sometimes have to talk to people even if you are not terribly in love with them. But not my mind. It has a very clear cut policy..'I dont like you..so fuck u'..which means that I am on wrong terms with some pretty 'hot-shots' . I want to keep a straight face while talking to these (sometimes pompous) bastards..but how can you ,when your mind is rolling on the floor laughing.
I want to be nice and gentle with my close kins..but mr.Mind has never heard of this word 'kindness' and doesnt extend it to close ones. Frankly I dont understand. Because its contradictory. This one day I was travelling to Abu from Mumbai and en-route on a bus stop a very old man was sleeping on a rag ! I looked at him and poor guy was shivering. I took a look and turned back thinking of it as a normal thing in this shitty country. But Mr Mind had other plans. It didnt turn back..It ordered me to give my Jacket to cover him. I was like ' you ass..you are out of your ..well..mind?' its a Woodland ka Jacket. But no ...! Mr Mind would have had none of it. So I basically had to wake this old man ..gave him the Jacket (and 400 bucks..leaving 100 for me) grudgingly. All the while cursing Mr Mind.Its not nice to lose a good Woodlands Jacket to a stupid old man :(
Frankly I really am at a loss as to the fact that why I have been cursed with such an asshole. I have to keep it feeding ideas to keep it quiet. I have to pamper its every wish and most of the time what it gives me back is loud thoughts and opinioated advice. Its a loss-loss equation for me.
But I guess somewhere deep down I know I need it more than it does. And maybe Mr Mind knows it too :(
Which means I am ROYALLY SCREWED!!