The last few days following the weekend have been very restless for me. Mentally I have been churning around and trying to get something ‘out’. The issue is not so much of framing as to the issue of ‘what’ is to be framed? My thoughts have been incoherent and often self contradictory. I haven’t ever faced this crisis of mental coherence since a long time. I haven’t grappled with myself very many times.. I am pretty much love in what I think..most of the time. But this time ..I have been cutting circles in air. Brownian motion..thats something I am never mentally in love with…but that’s what precisely defines a state I am in….
I anbhor the concept of strict ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.. just because I think everyone has his ‘rights/wrongs’..but to be in a state of grey myself. ..? Am I thinking too much? How do I stop it? Can I ‘relax’ ?
There is no problem. That’s the main problem. Since there is no problem defined..how do I solve it?
And the trigger has been Imtiaz Ali’s “highway”. Ever I experienced that film..I have been pretty restless. Very restless. Thinking as to what to think. Why has this film disturbed me? I don’t know? I really don’t. Should I stop thinking about it? Its just a film. Why is it making me restless? I know that I cant take anyone else’s answer for it. I have to think of a way out. The ‘convinent’ answers wont do.
The film has touched something deep inside me and turned my thought processes inside out. Its just a film.Goddamn it. It shouldn’t screw my head. See it..forget it. Its not cult-ish. It’s a normal film about ‘Stockholm syndrome’ ..its just a fim..a story. It isn’t anything else.
Why is it then I am thinking about it? Even now? I tried all justifications..atleast the ones I knew. I even wrote a shitty review about it..to get it out and move on. Not working.
Even now I cant ‘catch’ it. I thought writing about it would make me comfortable about it. Nope..this is not working. I am even more confused about it. I hate it when such an idea catches you and spins you around against your wishes.
What do I make out of it. ..? I don’t know…I just don’t know! Hate this!